Dontworrybeappy
Well-Known Member
I get tired of my own pain and problems - tired of thinking about them and I feel like its all I have to talk about sometimes. I was just on a website about fibromyalgia the other day and one of the things it said that you should do is keep talking about it, even if you're tired of it yourself.
I've been having trouble with my hands for about 30 years now.... I remember falling off a horse and injuring my left hand when I was about 13... looking back, it's probable that injury began the process of "Keinbock's Disease" - avascular necrosis of the lunate bone - the death and crumbling of the middle bone of my wrist. Several years ago when I started to ask about why my wrist was swollen and painful, my primary "care" physician said "Maybe its always been swollen and you just never noticed." - and that was the end of her care.
About a year later, I tore a ligament in my left hand, and when it was xrayed, I was told about the Keinbocks. The first ortho dr I saw wanted to do an operation completely inappropriate for the stage of decay in my wrist.... "because I already got the OK on that one!" - Having learned a little, and been angry a lot, I finally worked up the nerve to ask for a second opinion, and found a leading hand Dr at Loma Linda who made sense and took care of me. Unfortunately, by that time, the best he could do for me was to imbed a metal plate in my arm, fusing my wrist in place - effectively amputating a part of my body - that at least saved most of the use of my hand & fingers.
I'm still angry about it all, several years later... and when I feel that metal plate, I want to claw it out of my arm - (so I avoid feeling it when possible). I have adapted, for the most part... and most people don't know there's anything wrong with me. I freak out little kids, though - by letting them try and bend that wrist... my party trick!
In my teens and 20's, I was very involved in the hobby of showing model horses. I more than paid for the hobby by repainting and re-sculpting model horses by the dozens over the years. I would get the muse and work 12 or 16 hours at a stretch, sculpting with epoxy putty, reshaping muscles and limbs with a heat gun, painting with an airbrush and by hand. It was, and still is, something near and dear to my heart, although I no longer participate in it to any real level. It got to be too hard to paint or to hold a model to sculpt. They would fall out of my hand, or my hands would cramp and pain me. I had to give it up - but at the same time I was also getting more involved with real horses, so it was as much a transition as a parting of the ways - there are only so many hours in a day, so many dollars to go around. Obviously, years later when the words "Carpal Tunnel Syndrome" became much better known; it was clear that is what I had done to myself with my working methods.
In my 20's and into present day, I've worked more than full time with horses... training, riding, showing, boarding, breeding, foaling. Of course this hard work - lots of stress and knocks and bangs and bruises... but because it isn't all that "repetitive", I've gotten along pretty well, aided by an assortment of ace bandages, wrist splints and NSAIDS.
For about a dozen years, Michael and I raised sheep as well - and I began to express my artistic sensibilities by spinning wool into yarn and by needle-felting little sculptures of wool. Unfortunately, those ARE repetitive, and I was limited with how much I could do at one time. I have to say it is very difficult to keep an artistic muse going on when you are frustrated, physically and mentally. I occasionally tried to take drawing classes, or to paint - but holding a brush, pencil or pen was impossible for very long.
I've shown some talent in web design and photography over the years, but after my left wrist started being a problem, my right hand and arm have gotten worse and worse... to the point where it has also been difficult to use a mouse, a keyboard or a camera for long.
Over the last year, I've been restricting my activities more and more as my hand gets worse and worse, even driving has been hard - my hand will often go completely numb - dead to the touch. Writing this has been hard - it's taken me hours, and my right hand is shaking and sore. So back to bat for myself I went - into the HMO system of Kaiser (who have been better than some, once you know how the system works) - got a referral from my primary care dr, a diagnoses via EMG, and a consult with an ortho dr who ordered my surgery in the first consult. However, I'm now into my 3rd week or waiting for a surgery date. It'll either be in the first couple weeks of September, or the last part of October (or later than that, I guess - since time doesn't go backwards!)
I'm anxiously awaiting this surgery - or, better put, whatever healing I can get from it. Dare I hope to pick up my camera or a paintbrush again? To work at a computer? To not feel too handicapped to drive safely? Or will there just be more "adjusting" to do, more pain to deal with, and trying to find other ways to enjoy my life? I still have model horses partly done, boxes of beautiful wool waiting to spin and felt, art supplies waiting to come into play. I'm guessing that means I still have hope... and I'm trying to hang onto that hope with both hands... or with whats left of them!
I've been having trouble with my hands for about 30 years now.... I remember falling off a horse and injuring my left hand when I was about 13... looking back, it's probable that injury began the process of "Keinbock's Disease" - avascular necrosis of the lunate bone - the death and crumbling of the middle bone of my wrist. Several years ago when I started to ask about why my wrist was swollen and painful, my primary "care" physician said "Maybe its always been swollen and you just never noticed." - and that was the end of her care.
About a year later, I tore a ligament in my left hand, and when it was xrayed, I was told about the Keinbocks. The first ortho dr I saw wanted to do an operation completely inappropriate for the stage of decay in my wrist.... "because I already got the OK on that one!" - Having learned a little, and been angry a lot, I finally worked up the nerve to ask for a second opinion, and found a leading hand Dr at Loma Linda who made sense and took care of me. Unfortunately, by that time, the best he could do for me was to imbed a metal plate in my arm, fusing my wrist in place - effectively amputating a part of my body - that at least saved most of the use of my hand & fingers.
I'm still angry about it all, several years later... and when I feel that metal plate, I want to claw it out of my arm - (so I avoid feeling it when possible). I have adapted, for the most part... and most people don't know there's anything wrong with me. I freak out little kids, though - by letting them try and bend that wrist... my party trick!
In my teens and 20's, I was very involved in the hobby of showing model horses. I more than paid for the hobby by repainting and re-sculpting model horses by the dozens over the years. I would get the muse and work 12 or 16 hours at a stretch, sculpting with epoxy putty, reshaping muscles and limbs with a heat gun, painting with an airbrush and by hand. It was, and still is, something near and dear to my heart, although I no longer participate in it to any real level. It got to be too hard to paint or to hold a model to sculpt. They would fall out of my hand, or my hands would cramp and pain me. I had to give it up - but at the same time I was also getting more involved with real horses, so it was as much a transition as a parting of the ways - there are only so many hours in a day, so many dollars to go around. Obviously, years later when the words "Carpal Tunnel Syndrome" became much better known; it was clear that is what I had done to myself with my working methods.
In my 20's and into present day, I've worked more than full time with horses... training, riding, showing, boarding, breeding, foaling. Of course this hard work - lots of stress and knocks and bangs and bruises... but because it isn't all that "repetitive", I've gotten along pretty well, aided by an assortment of ace bandages, wrist splints and NSAIDS.
For about a dozen years, Michael and I raised sheep as well - and I began to express my artistic sensibilities by spinning wool into yarn and by needle-felting little sculptures of wool. Unfortunately, those ARE repetitive, and I was limited with how much I could do at one time. I have to say it is very difficult to keep an artistic muse going on when you are frustrated, physically and mentally. I occasionally tried to take drawing classes, or to paint - but holding a brush, pencil or pen was impossible for very long.
I've shown some talent in web design and photography over the years, but after my left wrist started being a problem, my right hand and arm have gotten worse and worse... to the point where it has also been difficult to use a mouse, a keyboard or a camera for long.
Over the last year, I've been restricting my activities more and more as my hand gets worse and worse, even driving has been hard - my hand will often go completely numb - dead to the touch. Writing this has been hard - it's taken me hours, and my right hand is shaking and sore. So back to bat for myself I went - into the HMO system of Kaiser (who have been better than some, once you know how the system works) - got a referral from my primary care dr, a diagnoses via EMG, and a consult with an ortho dr who ordered my surgery in the first consult. However, I'm now into my 3rd week or waiting for a surgery date. It'll either be in the first couple weeks of September, or the last part of October (or later than that, I guess - since time doesn't go backwards!)
I'm anxiously awaiting this surgery - or, better put, whatever healing I can get from it. Dare I hope to pick up my camera or a paintbrush again? To work at a computer? To not feel too handicapped to drive safely? Or will there just be more "adjusting" to do, more pain to deal with, and trying to find other ways to enjoy my life? I still have model horses partly done, boxes of beautiful wool waiting to spin and felt, art supplies waiting to come into play. I'm guessing that means I still have hope... and I'm trying to hang onto that hope with both hands... or with whats left of them!
