I am so sorry to hear about your mother....my father shot himself without any warning 22 years ago when I was 26 years old. It took years before I was able to let go of the pain of what that time was like, the huge hole he left in all of our hearts, the guilt of wondering what I missed, how could I have been so close to him, spend so much time with him every day & not see some clue...and the anger of him doing this to our family. My father was always the strong one for all of our family & showed no clue to why he did what he did. We tore the house apart looking for a note & never found anything. They even did an investigation to make sure another person was not involved-it was so unexpected.. My father was a very successful businessman & it was on the front page of the paper. I got so tired of people asking me why he did what he did because they all knew him as such a strong, successful person. It just drove the knife in deeper each time they asked. There was plenty of times that I lost my temper & told them that was the most insensitive question they can possibly ask. We didnt know then & we dont know 22 yrs later.
I can tell you that it is important that you have someone to talk to at this time, & dont be afraid to express your emotions, sadness, anger..whatever you feel. . In time the feelings you feel right now can be replaced with the good memories of the times you spent together. That is what I remember about my father, the many many GOOD times & not that terrible terrible time & I still miss him like crazy every day. I wont let this one thing he did in his life define the man who he really was.
I am sorry for your loss.
Debbie
