horsefeather
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- Nov 30, 2002
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Thought there may be some on here that might enjoy reading this.
Diary of a Snow Shoveler...
December 8 - 6:00 PM. It started to snow. The first
snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for
hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from
heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we felt like
newlyweds again. I love snow!
December 9 - We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow
covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there
be a more lovely place in the Whole World? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had. Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy
again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks.
This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life.
December 12 - The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a
disappointment. My neighbor tells me not to worry, we'll definitely have
a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll
have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow
again. l don't think that's possible. Bob is such a nice man, I'm glad
he's our neighbor.
December 14 - Snow lovely snow! 8" last night. The temperature dropped
to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath
away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is
the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything
again. I didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling,
but I'll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish l wouldn't huff
and puff so.
December 15 - 20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer.
Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the
freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I
think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all.
December 16 - Ice storm this morning. Fell on my a@@ on the ice in the
driveway putting down salt. Hurt like heck. The wife laughed for an
hour, which I think was very cruel.
December 17 - Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go
anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on
to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife
and try not to irritate her. Guess I should've bought a wood stove,
but won't admit it to her. God I hate it when she's right. I can't
believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.
December 20 - Electricity's back on, but had another 14" of the darn
stuff last night. More shoveling. Took all day. Dadblame snowplow came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too
busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only hardware
store around to see about buying a snowblower and they're out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying.
December 22 - Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more
inches of the white sh@@ fell today, and it's so cold it probably won't
melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to
shovel and then I had to pee. By the time I got undressed, you know, and dressed again. I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a
plow on his truck for the rest of the winter; but he says he's too busy.
I think the jackass is lying.
December 23 - Only 2" of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife
wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she
nuts!!! Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did
but I think she's lying.
December 24 - 6". Snow packed so hard by snowplow, l broke the shovel.
Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son of a @#@*@
who drives that snow plow I'll drag him through the snow by his snowballs
and beat him to death with my broken shovel. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was too busy watching for the goshdarn snowplow.
December 25 - Merry freaking Christmas! 20 more inches of the gosh darn slop tonight. Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. I hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a
donation and I hit hit over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think shes a freaking idiot. If I have to watch
"It's A Wondeful Life" one more time, I'm going to stuff her into the
microwave.
December 26 - Still snowed in. Why the heck did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves.
December 27 - Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze, plumber
came after 14 hours of waiting for him, he only charged me $1400 to
replace all my pipes.
December 28 - Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed in. THE WITCH is
driving me crazy!!!
December 29 - 10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it
could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he
think I am?
December 30 - Roof caved in. I beat up the snow plow driver he is now
suing me for a million dollars not only for the beating I gave him but also
for trying to shove the broken snow shovel up his
ahem. The wife went home to her mother. 9" more snow predicted.
December 31 - I set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling.
January 8 - Feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep
giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?
That which doesn't kill me....Only makes me stronger
Diary of a Snow Shoveler...
December 8 - 6:00 PM. It started to snow. The first
snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for
hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from
heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we felt like
newlyweds again. I love snow!
December 9 - We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow
covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there
be a more lovely place in the Whole World? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had. Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy
again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks.
This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life.
December 12 - The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a
disappointment. My neighbor tells me not to worry, we'll definitely have
a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll
have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow
again. l don't think that's possible. Bob is such a nice man, I'm glad
he's our neighbor.
December 14 - Snow lovely snow! 8" last night. The temperature dropped
to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath
away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is
the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything
again. I didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling,
but I'll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish l wouldn't huff
and puff so.
December 15 - 20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer.
Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the
freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I
think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all.
December 16 - Ice storm this morning. Fell on my a@@ on the ice in the
driveway putting down salt. Hurt like heck. The wife laughed for an
hour, which I think was very cruel.
December 17 - Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go
anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on
to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife
and try not to irritate her. Guess I should've bought a wood stove,
but won't admit it to her. God I hate it when she's right. I can't
believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.
December 20 - Electricity's back on, but had another 14" of the darn
stuff last night. More shoveling. Took all day. Dadblame snowplow came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too
busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only hardware
store around to see about buying a snowblower and they're out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying.
December 22 - Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more
inches of the white sh@@ fell today, and it's so cold it probably won't
melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to
shovel and then I had to pee. By the time I got undressed, you know, and dressed again. I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a
plow on his truck for the rest of the winter; but he says he's too busy.
I think the jackass is lying.
December 23 - Only 2" of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife
wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she
nuts!!! Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did
but I think she's lying.
December 24 - 6". Snow packed so hard by snowplow, l broke the shovel.
Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son of a @#@*@
who drives that snow plow I'll drag him through the snow by his snowballs
and beat him to death with my broken shovel. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was too busy watching for the goshdarn snowplow.
December 25 - Merry freaking Christmas! 20 more inches of the gosh darn slop tonight. Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. I hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a
donation and I hit hit over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think shes a freaking idiot. If I have to watch
"It's A Wondeful Life" one more time, I'm going to stuff her into the
microwave.
December 26 - Still snowed in. Why the heck did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves.
December 27 - Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze, plumber
came after 14 hours of waiting for him, he only charged me $1400 to
replace all my pipes.
December 28 - Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed in. THE WITCH is
driving me crazy!!!
December 29 - 10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it
could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he
think I am?
December 30 - Roof caved in. I beat up the snow plow driver he is now
suing me for a million dollars not only for the beating I gave him but also
for trying to shove the broken snow shovel up his
ahem. The wife went home to her mother. 9" more snow predicted.
December 31 - I set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling.
January 8 - Feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep
giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?
That which doesn't kill me....Only makes me stronger
