Non animal family members, so hard to bite my tongue

[Carolyn R]

My brother, his new (3rd) wife and his two step kids are visiting. I am happy he loves her but ugggg.... She is not someone I would hit it off with if we ran into each other on the street. She is constantly complaining about our dogs, doesn't get animals at all, commented how she gave away her small dog when she was pregnant with her son because she was afraid to have a dog with a baby ( you don't give up on canine family members unless they are aggressive to the point of no hope!) now she is talking about rescuing a small breed, but hates my brothers dogs,she is opinionated, bull headed, in a nasty nice southern way, just agitates the poo out of me. I don't know what it is, she seems a bit high maintenance, makes little comments about this or that being shoddy quality (usually about items we own, little does she know many of the things she pokes at are high end), I don't get it,she does not come from money, but seems to have all the arrogance of those that do.

How do you all handle those that come to visit that just don't accept that there are different strokes for different folks? I just keep saying....only one more day......

Beyond a doubt, I know this is a safe haven for me to vent, she would never be on an animal forum and scoffs at those that are " freaks" that join online animal support groups.

 

[Reignmaker Miniatures]

What I do is what you are doing, bite my tongue and find some place safe to vent. That is mostly what I do but I have one relative who we see often that decided it was okay to say to me "That is one UGLY horse" every time he saw my blue eyed bald faced sorrel (mini of course). He was referring to his colour/pattern of course because he doesn't really know enough to judge conformation. I calmly responded, "to each his own" or "if we all like the same thing how boring would life be?" but one day after hearing this for the (seemed like) millionth time, I turned to him and said very clearly, "I would appreciate it if you would keep your negative opinions to yourself. I like how my horse looks and you are being rude to constantly point out you do not! I really don't want to hear your opinions!" I then walked away. The next time he came to our house he started to comment on my horses and I just got up and walked away. He hasn't said anything since, its been well over a year now, so maybe I finally made my point. Sometimes you need to be very clear, some people just don't get subtlety. I feel for you, family peace is of great value but it sure can be hard to hold our temper around rude people at times.

 

[Marty]

I went through this last year when some people were passing through and gave me an hour's notice they were stopping by, right in the middle of a big remodeling mess with a saw set up in the living room and in the middle of hanging dry wall..... I did not appreciate her holier than thou attitude one bit. As my guest, of course I was polite and tried to be very accomadating but it was really getting to me when she kept telling me, not asking, to "put my dog up" who was not bothering her at all and laying down nicely. I finally came out and told her there is no "up" and that Amy lives here, it's her house and we never shut her in a room and close a door. Case closed. Then the comments on how I only have one bathroom. By that time I was a woman on the edge and said I always have plenty of bushes outside if needbe......And comments about my laundry baskets full of clothes I had to fold didn't go un-noticed either so I said and this is my laundry, would you like some? On one hand I'm a big wus but on the other, don't push me. The way I feel about it is this is where I live and I'll be darned if someone is going to come in here and make me feel uncomfortable in my own home. Let her have it!

 

[MountainWoman]

I have a wooden plaque on my front door "This house is run for the comfort of my dogs. If you don't like it leave."

 

[REO]

It sounds like to me that she's jealous. She wants to be the one envied. She's insecure! She puts down what she likes that she doesn't have to make herself feel better. Just look at her sweetly and say "Maybe you'll have one of these someday" next time she puts down something you have. Don't let her get to you.

Yes I would also get mad at her but I'd also feel sorry for her. Missing out on the LOVE that animals give.....wow, sad

 

[Carolyn R]

It sounds like to me that she's jealous. She wants to be the one envied. She's insecure! She puts down what she likes that she doesn't have to make herself feel better. Just look at her sweetly and say "Maybe you'll have one of these someday" next time she puts down something you have. Don't let her get to you.

Yes I would also get mad at her but I'd also feel sorry for her. Missing out on the LOVE that animals give.....wow, sad

She very much likes to have her ego stroked. Told me how her an her ex hubby were at a Jeff Dunham comedy show, sitting up front, and how he chose to incorperate the couple into his act, went on to be excessively crude and vulgar so she made her ex demand a refund????? All this was because she passed through the room when Jeff Dunham was on the tv......Went on and on while out to dinner that the man at the next table was gawking at her the entire time, that he must have something against whites.......she is very pretty but very superficial, often maken rude comments to her kids like, " keep eating like that and we'll have to buy you a circus tent to wear as a shirt" I'd like to say it isn't so, but I have heard it first hand, then the kids think it is ok to toss out rude comments. Ugggg, love my brother, but can't say that I am not appy they are leaving tomorrow.

 

[susanne]

Just remember that you'll be rid of her tomorrow, but she's stuck with herself for the rest of her life. Then smile.

 

[Miniv]

Your animals are your family. And if someone doesn't understand that, that's THEIR problem and you can "politely" tell them where to stuff themselves.

We have a rather large livingroom in a small farm house, so we have two sofas. One is for our dogs and the other is for people. Our dogs know this. When we have guests I show them which is which. Some folks look at me cross-eyed, but others, who I end up liking, nod and laugh. And the ones I end up REALLY liking, don't care which sofa they sit on - even if it means having a dog crawling up next to them.

 

[jacks'thunder]

Your animals are your family. And if someone doesn't understand that, that's THEIR problem and you can "politely" tell them where to stuff themselves.

We have a rather large livingroom in a small farm house, so we have two sofas. One is for our dogs and the other is for people. Our dogs know this. When we have guests I show them which is which. Some folks look at me cross-eyed, but others, who I end up liking, nod and laugh. And the ones I end up REALLY liking, don't care which sofa they sit on - even if it means having a dog crawling up next to them.

i have a small living room with the same exact thing! My dogs have a chair and a couch!

 

[Carolyn R]

Thanks guys for understanding. They headed home this morning. I just needed to vent. I am happy he loves her.

You know sometimes in a workplace or out in public, like at an event, you meet up with someone and there is an instant comrodery? Of course you all do.... Thats why we chat on the "back porch", then there are others that personally do you no wrong, but you just don't click because you come from such diverse backgrounds, hobbies, and interests......there outlook is not yours, well that pretty much sums it up in a nut shell. Thanks for giving me a place to vent and the ability to hold my tongue!

 

[susanne]

Here's another way of looking at this. Your sister-in-law has given you the ideal way to avoid (or at least minimize) her company; your animals are your family, and your home is their home. They will be on the furniture, and there will be hair. If your SIL doesn't like it, she has the choice of putting up with them or not visiting.

My family was once cursed with the SIL / DIL From H3LL...she hated my mother's and sister's big, gentle dogs and announced that the dogs must be chained or she would not visit. Ha! My mother did not take kindly to anyone--even family--who treated or suggested treating her dogs in any way other than family. The dogs were not chained, and therefore my brother and their kids visited without the S(D)ILFH. S(D)ILFH ended up treating my brother horribly, so she is now the XS(D)ILFH.

 

[Jill]

We're really the lucky ones that get it! We rarely have overnight guests, but the bottom line for us is that our dogs do live in the house with us. Our sofa is their sofa. Most of them sleep on the bed. They eat their meals in our kitchen. It's their house, too, and they have always been such an important (and GOOD!) part of our life. I wouldn't trade THIS for any prestine place with no pets, no pet hair, no paw prints, no dog nose mark on a window... Nope