Men....

[shane]

I HAVE TO AGREE WITH SUE .C ,IF YOU LET HIM TREAT YOU THIS WAY,WHATS DO YOU EXPECT, IM NOT SAYING YOU DID IT ON PURPOSE,I THINK HES GROUND YOU DOWN INTO WHAT HE WANTS YOU TO BE LIKE, AND NOW BECUSE YOUVE GOT REPONSIBLITY OTHER THAN HIM!!! HE DOESNT LIKE IT , GEEEESS WHAT WOULD IT BE LIKE IF YOU HAD KIDS, WOULD HE BE JEALOUS OF THE TIME THEY TAKE UP? IT SEEMS TO ME THAT YOUR MORE OR LESS ON YOUR OWN ANYWAY, DONT LET HIM SPOIL THE FUN OF YOUR LOVE OF HORSES, YOULL HATE HIM FOR IT ,IF HE MAKES YOU CHOOSE,I THINK HES HAD IT TOO GOOOD FOR TOO LONG, AND ITS NOT FAIR ON YOU, :no: ITS NOT AS IF YOUR IN THE BAR GETTING DRUNK AND HES STUCK AT HOME,WHY DONT YOU ASK HIM HOWD HE FEEL IF IT WERE HIM AT HOME WHILST YOU WERE AT THE BAR, I BET HED BE GRATEFUL YOUR ONLY SEEING YOUR HORSES,.....ID NEVER GIVE UP MY HORSES FOR LOVE NOR MONEY, BECAUSE IF SOMEONE TRIED TO TAKE SOMTHING AWAY FROM YOU THAT YOU REALLY LOVED, THEY DONT LOVE YOU!!! I WISH YOU ALL THE LUCK IN THE WORLD BUT PLEASE DONT BE IN LOVE WITH THE THOUGHT OF BEING IN LOVE, YOU ONLY GET ONE CHANCE OF LIFE, GRAB ONTO IT WITH BOTH HANDS, IT BELONGS TO YOU!!!

:

 

[MiniHoofBeats]

It is scary...and emotionally draining...I just wish so often that we were back to the way we loved each other when we first got together. I wish he would understand that the horses are a big part of my life, but he's an even bigger part...and when he started pulling away and leaving me, it left me with nothing but the horses...and now he's upset with me because they are such a big part of my life and he feels pushed to the side. I keep telling him all it would take is for him to come home and instead of shooing into his computer room, ask me out to dinner...ask me out to a movie....ask if I want to go for a walk....something, anything....and he'll see that the horses are important, but he's still very much important to me...

 

[Lisa]

MiniHoofBeats- I sent you a PM in reply to the one you sent to me. I gave you some suggestions in it, please read it and feel free to send me one back

 

[nootka]

From the sounds of things, it's somewhat a game to him, and he may not realize how much you mean to him. I don't know his age, but I know you are not very old and at that age, I couldn't say I knew even half of what I know now about my own emotions, let along guessing at others'.

If he is this intolerant at this point, and wanting you to give things up, it's not going to get much better with time unless he is willing to admit he's wrong about it and make some changes to accomodate you.

A long-term, successful relationship is not necessarily a 50/50 deal. It is a series of adaptations, of sacrifice and demand. There has to be a willingness to at least listen and consider, and an agreement to "try."

A good communication session is in order.

The horses should be off-topic as they really have NOTHING to do with your relationship between he and you. If he gets onto that, just ask him to address your relationship as if they didn't exist, and in turn, don't bring up HIS passions.

My husband and I have pretty different interests though he goes far out of his way to make sure I enjoy mine. He loves the social aspect of the shows, he even enjoys the competitions where we are involved and seeing the foals born from my choice of matings, etc. He doesn't really like that they keep us tied down to our home as far as being able to leave for stretches of time, but he deals with it just fine.

He really doesn't "harp" about them, either, much, and I don't ride him about his enjoyments even though some of them aggravate me (like collecting junk cars *LOL*).

Truthfully, if I start to get upset over something he enjoys, I think it over and it's usually more about my mindset towards HIM at the time than anything else, and vice versa. To bring these blameless "things" into the mix is just looking for excuses.

You are young, and I know it seems hard, but try to see beyond the immediate future. There are many options, here, and if it does not work out between you, you will be happy in another incarnation of yourself. It does not take another person to complete you nor to make you happy. You can be and need to be happy just being you for the sake of you. Once you know this, I think you'll find you will have your pick of well-adjusted admirers.

Not telling you what to do, just trying to be supportive. At your age, two years is a very long term relationship, and I can see that it is not easy to give up on something that deeply ingrained.

Best wishes,

Liz M.

 

[Dontworrybeappy]

Dr Phil has a good book out now called "Love smart". Try and read it!

 

[wcr]

I found your post and the replies interesting and one very big thing came to mind. Sorry but tough love time. He is too immature to give you the relationship that you think you are in. If it wasn't the horses it would be something else because he is not mature enough to be a meaningful partner. True love is caring for the other person and supporting their hopes and dreams and having that reciprocated. Giving each other the space and support so that each of you can become the complete person you are meant to be and bringing back to the relationship the personal qualities that make you interesting to spend time with.

For myself, I have found that you can't demand something from me, take me for granted or expect me to do something. I will give until I bleed willingly if it is appreciated but don't demand anything of me.

You came to this forum for answers and support and we gave it to you. Now go back and carefully read your own posts and think about them. You have answered your own questions by your replies. Your relationship isn't working for you and sometimes it is very hard to cut someone loose if it isn't working but there is someone out there that will care for you for the special person you are. You will never be the person he wants you to be because it will never be enough for him if you are the one always changing and accomodating him to keep the relationship alive.

You will never find that special person who will love you for you and support your dreams if you are spinning your wheels in a relationship that won't ever give you the things that are meaningful to you.

 

[MiniHoofBeats]

I want to thank everyone again for truly helping me out here, I have never felt sooooo supported and I truly appreciate everyones opinions and help, and being there for me =)

I am going to take a break from writing updates for a day or two as we talk and work through this one...but I will let everyone know what happens as i'm sure i'll be upset, or happy...either way i'll want to really talk about it.

Thank you, thank you for being here for me!

 

[as if by magic 2]

SO SORRY YOU ARE BEING PULLED BETWEEN THE TWO LOVES OF YOU LIFE......HAND ON HEART THERE WOULD BE VERY FEW LADIES ON HERE COULD SAY THEY GET 100 % SUPPORT FROM THEIR PARTNERS, WITHOUT WORRYING IF THEY HAVE SOMETHING FOR THE TEA ETC...KNOWING THEY WOULD GET A SNIDE REMARK OR A DIG ABOUT WHAT THEY WERE BUSY DOING IN THE BARN INSTEAD OF BEING TIED TO THE KITCHEN SINK...YOUNG BOYS ARE REARED BY SILLY MOTHERS WHO LET THEM BEAT THEIR CHESTS AND STAMP THEIR FEET TO OFTEN. IF YOU FIND YOUR COMPRIMISE - THAT'S HOW IT WILL BE FOR THE REST OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP, IF YOU SEE THE HORSES 3 DAYS A WEEK, DON'T EVEN THINK A YEAR FROM NOW OF CHANGING IT TO 4. IF YOU GET MORE HORSES OR KEEP ON FOALS, THAT'S NOT GONNA DO EITHER. YOU GUYS NEED TO SIT DOWN AND SEE YOUR LIVES FROM YOUR PARTNERS EYES, YOU MAY NOT LIKE WHAT YOU SEE YOU MAY NOT WANT TO BE A PART OF THAT LIFE. HIM WITH YOUR HORSES, YOU WITH HIS NIGHTS OUT. I'M NOT ONE FOR GOING TO THE PUB - BUT GOD I LOVE A BLOW OUT NOW AND AGAIN !! HE MAY NOT LIKE YOUR HORSES, BUT HE WILL BE PROUD IF YOU DO WELL AT A SHOW !

DON'T GIVE UP TO EASILY - BUT DON'T WASTE YOUR LIFE EITHER. MAYBE BACK TO DATING FROM YOUR OWN HOMES, KEEP A SPARK THERE. IT WILL BE CHEAPER TOO !