i could use some good thoughts

[Charlene]

i have hesitated to post about this since so many of our human family members have been experiencing some emotional times but i'm in serious need of some good karma for my babies.

maggie has been having recurrent bloody noses for the past couple of months. all preliminary tests have been exhausted with negative results other than a "density" on one of her x-rays. this spot appears in her left sinus. i have her scheduled for an MRI at the university of illinois small animal clinic for next tuesday. depending on what the MRI shows, they may have to go ahead with a rhinoscopy/biopsy. i have consulted two vets about this and they have both indicated that it could likely be nasal cancer. it is so ironic to me that gary's first symptom of something terribly wrong was severe nose bleeds. *sigh* i am clinging to the hope that this could turn out to be either a foreign body or a fungal infection. i just won't know until the MRI is done. if the end result proves to be cancer, i have decided to keep her as comfortable as i can for as long as i can. i will not put her through chemo and i most especially will not put her through radiation. i cannot deal with the aftermath of that again nor will i see her suffer the pain.

all of this comes on the heels of simon being presumptively diagnosed earlier this spring with degenerative myelopathy, a fatal disease of the spinal cord. i will very likely lose him in a matter of a few more months. he is becoming increasingly weak in his back legs. i have opted to not put him in a wheeled cart. as long as he is mobile and able to get around on his own, i will care for him the best i know how.

i hope that doesn't sound like i am giving up on my dogs. at this point in my life, they ARE my life. but, i am a firm believer in quality of life and dignity. these are things i had no control over during gary's illness and i am determined that my babies will leave this world while they are still happy, carefree and their dignity is intact.

for some reason, God is testing me mightily these days. i am NOT going down without a fight but i could sure use some moral support.

 

[Barbie]

Charlene-

You are certainly going through it. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your furkids at this time. Sure hope Maggie turns out to have an infection or something simple.

Take care!

Barbie

 

[barnbum]

Oh I will pray for you. We're going through a similar situation with Suzy... her vet appt is Monday and there may be a very heart breaking decision ahead. The pain is intense. So--I know how you feel. Hang in there.

This quality of life part is tricky. To us Suzy is comfortable, but the vet says if she's not eating, she's telling us she isn't. I guess I needed someone to point that out.

Sigh.... loving can be so painful.

 

[Charlene]

barnbum, i have been following your thread about suzy. i know what a painful decision this is and i do hope you can find comfort in yours. "quality of life" is most certainly an individual thing, we all have our own perspective of it. i tend to be guilty of applying human characteristics to my animals but it's hard not to when they are such a part of me.

i always go back to that old saying, it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

thanks, barbie, all prayers welcome!

 

[candycar]

Oh Dear- ((Hugs)) to you and your furkids.

We are here for you whatever the outcome

 

[minie812]

Oh Charlene, I am so sorry to hear this. I know how you feel about your babies. I will say a prayer for you and for them. Sometimes the hardess thing is also the kindess

 

[anoki]

((((HUGS)))) Charlene....

It's been a bad last 8 months for me and the older furkids in my family....we only have one left that is over the age of 4 (excluding Ritchi, since he's only been with me for almost a year) My brother's pug just passed away a week and a half ago...he brought her 'home' the day before because he knew Mom and I would look after her better, but she was just too sick. She was 11 years old....Mom and I raised her while my brother was busy on the road with work (before he was married), so it was hard on all of us...

~kathryn

btw, Delilah will be holidaying in Andalusia, IL

 

[maplegum]

My thoughts are with you Charlene. You know what is best for your pets.

xox Leonie xox

 

[bfogg]

Oh Charlene it has been a tough road for you and I am sorry.

God bless you for caring so much about your fur kids. Do what your heart tells you to do and you will be right.

Love

Bonnie

 

[ChrystalPaths]

Oh Charlene, you've much love to give, you aren't giving up on your beloveds so don't feel guilty. You'll know when and then you know Gary will be waiting joyously for them when the time comes. Lots of love and light for you Hun.

 

[Reijel's Mom]

Oh Charlene. Not Maggie, too

. I can't even believe it.

The forum does have people going through some very tough people illnesses/losses right now - but I would venture to guess that most of us know and can feel just how very devastating this is. They are our family members, too.

I feel the same way you do about the quality of life issue, no need to feel like you are giving up on them. You are doing your best to help them to be happy in spite of how much it may hurt you.

 

[Charlene]

i knew i could count on all of you not to judge my decisions. i have agonized and will continue to agonize over my feelings but i must stand my ground when it comes to issues of dignity and quality of life. there can't be too many other decisions we make in our lives that are more gut-wrenching than when to let a beloved pet go.

nothing in this world made me sadder than watching as every ounce of dignity ebbed from the man i had planned to spend the rest of my life with. i am determined that my furkids will not suffer the same fate.

crystalpaths, you have been reading my mind again.

my only consolation in all of this is that i know gary will be right there to welcome OUR furkids to heaven and he will take good care of them until i get there.

 

[ChrystalPaths]

Oh Charlene, your love shines, tis easy to feel.

 

[AppyLover2]

Charlene I couldn't agree with you more about dignity and quality of life. When my beloved Bear had cancer in his front shoulder the vet said the only hope was to remove the whole shoulder. I loved him way too much to put him through that and we had a few (too few) more months together after his diagnosis. Prayers for your furkids and for you for the uncertainty you're dealing with. After all these years I've come to the conclusion that not knowing is the most difficult thing to deal with. It seems that once we know, we somehow find the strength to deal.

 

[Charlene]

donna, that is exactly how i've been feeling. i wrestled with the idea of spending so much money on diagnostics but when it comes right down to it, i MUST know. once i know for sure, i will deal with whatever it is.

 

[barnbum]

Yes--better to have loved and lost than to never have loved... I agree.

When my students are sad due to the loss of a pet, I pull them in the hall for a hug and we share the information with the whole class because we're a family--and we need to know when one needs a bit more TLC for a few days.

But I ask them if their pet brought many smiles--they always say yes.. and I ask them if they'd ever trade all that joy for the sadness they're feeling now? And they always say no. Then I hug them up and tell them to come to me if they need to leave or talk or talk to the counselor. Then we go about the day because school can be very distracting--in a good way.

A dear friend of mine lost his dog recently. He's not married and has no children, so his dog was everything. He's been looking for puppy--but says he's delaying because he doesn't know if he can handle that grief again.

Anyway--I've been thinking about you, Charlene.

 

[chandab]

A dear friend of mine lost his dog recently. He's not married and has no children, so his dog was everything. He's been looking for puppy--but says he's delaying because he doesn't know if he can handle that grief again.

My mom lost her old cat 4-5 years ago, I really can't remember for sure, but after that she said no more and I respected her wishes til last year. I gave her a kitten for her birthday, just one of the barn cat kittens, and the little turd is the love of her life; he is the most obnoxious, onery (sp?) cat I've ever seen, but he keeps her company. And, he is absolutely beautiful; he's part siamese and looks somewhat siamese, but then has white markings mixed in (paws, face markings, tip of tail). She wouldn't trade him for the world, but at times she threatens to send him back to the ranch.

 

[user 488]

Sorry Charlene...don't know what was up with that!

Carol

 

[Charlene]

LOL, carol...it was that gremlin under your desk. you really should clean more often!

LMAO!

barnbum, i have said it more than once upon the loss of a dear pet..."no more, i can't take this grief"...but i always relent and i have never been sorry. every pet i have ever had, right down to that rotten goat that was an escape artist, was near and dear to my heart. i can't even imagine life w/o furkids and as long as there is breath in my body and i can take proper care of them, i will always be surrounded by fur. lots and lots of fur! fur on my clothes, fur behind the furniture, fur occasionally in my food but most important, fur IN MY LAP!

i'm getting a bit nervous about next week. i really need to stay away from the internet searches, i'm seeing far too much doom and gloom when researching nasal cancer in dogs. i'm just gonna have to think positively and hope God sees fit to leave maggie in my care for a long time to come.

 

[ShaunaL]

Best wishes for you and your dogs. You will know what to do when the time comes - it's such a hard choice but it's a blessing that we can allow them to pass peacefully rather than linger in suffering.