Sunny
Well-Known Member
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To all the Important Women of all ages in my life:
The following article appeared on www.Cincinnati.com on March 19, 2010 and was written by Krista Ramsey. It addresses ways in which to avoid abusive relationships and, in my opinion, is vitally important. I encourage you to share it with all the important women in your lives, too.
Judy
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[font[SIZE=12pt]="Times New Roman]End Domestic Violence By Empowering Women[/SIZE]
by: Krista Ramsey
Kelli Walton, Rhonda Wyatt and Shena Lee Nolan are three young local mothers who police say were recently murdered by current or former partners. Their deaths remind us, again, that there is no special season for domestic violence, no profile to its victims and no single act that will make it end.
But those of us who address this issue - and desperately want it to end - often write about it in a predictable manner. We run lists of warning signs of abuse, contact information for women's shelters, steps to take to leave the circle of abuse.
What we write little about is the protective habits and attitudes that can make females less likely to become victims. It's a conversation to have with our daughters, nieces, female students, the girls who live on our street. Here's what we should say.
Do everything in your power to become financially independent. Set your sights on a career, not a job. Prepare yourself to work all your life. Know what a sustainable salary is, and work toward that figure. Make sure you have your own insurance and retirement plan. Learn about budgets, investments, taxes. Never expect or allow anyone else - no matter how well-intended - to take charge of your financial well-being.
Don't let anything or anyone stand in the way of your education. Not upper-level math classes. Not boyfriends. Not entry-level jobs and quick money. Not taking out loans for college. Not someone else's career plans.
Know what a healthy relationship looks like. "Everybody knows the red flags of an unhealthy relationship. Nobody knows the green flags of a healthy one," says Kristin Shrimplin, director of the YWCA's Family Violence Prevention Project. In friends, boyfriends and future spouses, look for people who treat you as an equal, decide matters collaboratively, listen to you respectfully, support your goals, settle conflicts peacefully, encourage you to be connected to others, make you feel stronger than you thought you were.
Keep building the skills you need to take care of yourself. Learn how to change the oil in your car and the washers on a faucet. Make your own travel arrangements and complaints over shoddy service. Mow a lawn. Analyze a bank statement.
Build your own community. Collect people who encourage you, tell you the truth, are loyal, make time for you. String them together. Keep them updated about your life. Listen when they're concerned about you or someone you're involved with. Ask their opinions.
Spend time with yourself. Recognize that you don't need someone else to complete you, affirm you, critique you or protect you.
Pay attention to the healthy relationships around you. Analyze how people who care about each other treat each other. Think about what makes a good friend. When you have a job, notice how different supervisors treat their employees, and who earns people's respect. Think about what goes on in classrooms where you feel comfortable and respected.
Learn how to challenge unfairness and wrong treatment. Stick up for yourself and others. Don't dull your conscience by abiding wrong behavior. And remember that not everyone has to like you.
Is the world ready for young females who take this advice - will it even behave kindly toward them? And what about the boys on the other side of this equation - who's talking to them? And what good does it do to put demands on young females when many social structures keep them disempowered?
Females have already waited too long for the world to change. Yes, we are all obligated to work for a more just and fair-minded society. But while we do, it's time for females to claim the power they have, and learn the skills they need, to build a world that values, respects and empowers them.[/font]
*****************
To all the Important Women of all ages in my life:
The following article appeared on www.Cincinnati.com on March 19, 2010 and was written by Krista Ramsey. It addresses ways in which to avoid abusive relationships and, in my opinion, is vitally important. I encourage you to share it with all the important women in your lives, too.
Judy
**************************
[font[SIZE=12pt]="Times New Roman]End Domestic Violence By Empowering Women[/SIZE]
by: Krista Ramsey
Kelli Walton, Rhonda Wyatt and Shena Lee Nolan are three young local mothers who police say were recently murdered by current or former partners. Their deaths remind us, again, that there is no special season for domestic violence, no profile to its victims and no single act that will make it end.
But those of us who address this issue - and desperately want it to end - often write about it in a predictable manner. We run lists of warning signs of abuse, contact information for women's shelters, steps to take to leave the circle of abuse.
What we write little about is the protective habits and attitudes that can make females less likely to become victims. It's a conversation to have with our daughters, nieces, female students, the girls who live on our street. Here's what we should say.
Do everything in your power to become financially independent. Set your sights on a career, not a job. Prepare yourself to work all your life. Know what a sustainable salary is, and work toward that figure. Make sure you have your own insurance and retirement plan. Learn about budgets, investments, taxes. Never expect or allow anyone else - no matter how well-intended - to take charge of your financial well-being.
Don't let anything or anyone stand in the way of your education. Not upper-level math classes. Not boyfriends. Not entry-level jobs and quick money. Not taking out loans for college. Not someone else's career plans.
Know what a healthy relationship looks like. "Everybody knows the red flags of an unhealthy relationship. Nobody knows the green flags of a healthy one," says Kristin Shrimplin, director of the YWCA's Family Violence Prevention Project. In friends, boyfriends and future spouses, look for people who treat you as an equal, decide matters collaboratively, listen to you respectfully, support your goals, settle conflicts peacefully, encourage you to be connected to others, make you feel stronger than you thought you were.
Keep building the skills you need to take care of yourself. Learn how to change the oil in your car and the washers on a faucet. Make your own travel arrangements and complaints over shoddy service. Mow a lawn. Analyze a bank statement.
Build your own community. Collect people who encourage you, tell you the truth, are loyal, make time for you. String them together. Keep them updated about your life. Listen when they're concerned about you or someone you're involved with. Ask their opinions.
Spend time with yourself. Recognize that you don't need someone else to complete you, affirm you, critique you or protect you.
Pay attention to the healthy relationships around you. Analyze how people who care about each other treat each other. Think about what makes a good friend. When you have a job, notice how different supervisors treat their employees, and who earns people's respect. Think about what goes on in classrooms where you feel comfortable and respected.
Learn how to challenge unfairness and wrong treatment. Stick up for yourself and others. Don't dull your conscience by abiding wrong behavior. And remember that not everyone has to like you.
Is the world ready for young females who take this advice - will it even behave kindly toward them? And what about the boys on the other side of this equation - who's talking to them? And what good does it do to put demands on young females when many social structures keep them disempowered?
Females have already waited too long for the world to change. Yes, we are all obligated to work for a more just and fair-minded society. But while we do, it's time for females to claim the power they have, and learn the skills they need, to build a world that values, respects and empowers them.[/font]
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