When to have the 'talk'

[bcody]

My kids are still fairly young, at least I think so. My son will be 9 in Feb. and my daughter will be 7 in Jan. I have always answered any questions they have had honestly, but only telling them what they need to know to satisfy them at the time. I was watching the Today show a couple of days a go and one of their guests says that by the end of the kids 8th year they should know it all. Do you think that is true? When did you tell your kids about life? Yikes, do they really need to know that early!

They do know about drugs, alcohol and tobacco (this is Texas they need to know about chewing also). We talk about it all the time. We talk about doing what you know is right no matter what others around you are doing, bullying and things like that, but sex??? HELP!!!!

 

[StellaLenoir]

I don't think kids should know *everything* by age 8. But my kids 11,5, 3 know the basics, but each understand them much differently. My 11yo knows what the diff types of sex are to a certain point, (no gross details) because kids are doing things so much earlier!!! Kids in my area have been busted having oral sex on the school bus!!!

I do not want her to be told by some other kid what is what. I tell her, I guide her. I try to keep an open talk going all the time, if they have a question or I we see something good or bad we talk about it.

For instance, the stereotypes of women on TV, or other media. Look at the pics of Tigers 'lady friends' I want my girls to know that some of those parts do NOT occur in nature! Sex talk needs to involve what is a normal body image, and what self worth is. Kids need to know they are not going to look like what is on TV. They do not need to behave like those teens on TV shows. They cannot do the things that are in games, books, even action figures are over sexed! I read somewhere, that when boys get to the experimental age, and maybe sneak a peak at a grown ups adult mags, they are not even going to see what a real everyday woman's body looks like!! They are going to expect the girls in their class to have boobs like that, tiny waists, ect. What pressure does that put on our daughters? Parents need to explain what is real and what is altered.

Our kids are being taught about sex and relationships from everywhere. As parents we need to with equal perseverance and dedication show them what is morally right. (each family will be different) We cannot sit back and wait for a magic age where we spill the secrets, because likely the kids have already formed ideas often times very wrong ones! I want my children to have a firm set of morals and ideas about what sex and relationships are, so when they are faced with a decision about sex they have facts and an understanding of whats going on from ME.

And how women and men (teens too) are treated in all media (shows games ect) is often times so exaggerated! But kids don't know it is an exaggeration! To them it is a glimpse at grown up life. We need to show them that not all girls put out, its ok not too! And not all boys have to do it to be cool guys. Its ok not to have a boyfriend, or wear slutty clothes. There time will come no matter what, but it does not have to be forced upon them by social guilt or pressure.

Has anyone seen the movie with Hayden Panettiere something like I love Beth ???? It is disgusting!! The lead girl is just everything I do not want my girls to be. A good example in my opinion is Juno. Which is a real portrayal of what can happen when you have sex even just once. The characters in it where much closer to real teens. They made a hard, yet responsible choice. yet it showed that life goes on! And you can learn from your mistakes and make better choices next time.

 

[Connie P]

I'm thinking the way things are going "at birth" would be a good idea..................

Really I feel it depends on the maturity of each individual child. Parenting is one of the hardest jobs you will ever love.

 

[h2t99]

My kids are 10 and 8 and they have had the farmers way of sex ed since they were very young.

They have helped me with breeding for the last few years, so they do understand the "birds and bees" we talk about it alot and do not make it a big deal to talk about it. They have alot of friends that freak out when they see animals breeding and I think it should not be that way. By keeping it open and easy to talk about they have a easier time asking questions when they need to and I will ask them questions all the time about what kids are talking about and doing.

Good Luck!!

 

[Katiean]

My kids are 10 and 8 and they have had the farmers way of sex ed since they were very young.

They have helped me with breeding for the last few years, so they do understand the "birds and bees" we talk about it alot and do not make it a big deal to talk about it. They have alot of friends that freak out when they see animals breeding and I think it should not be that way. By keeping it open and easy to talk about they have a easier time asking questions when they need to and I will ask them questions all the time about what kids are talking about and doing.
Good Luck!!

Jessie is the same. She has bred rabbits for years. She is 12. She knows what sex is. She also sees what they put on broadcast TV. There are programs that I do not allow in my home as they are too "self Explanatory" My Brother does not want the kids to watch "Law & Order SVU" I think it shows them what can happen. But he thinks "2 1/2 Men" and "The Simpsons" are fine. Jessie most likely knows more than I do. We do talk about what goes on at school and what kids are doing these days. I don't want her to give in to peer presure and do some of these things kids are doing. I also do not allow her to text. I think nothing good can come of texting and the pictures kids take of themselves. I would hate to be a kid today.

 

[~Lisa~]

They do know about drugs, alcohol and tobacco (this is Texas they need to know about chewing also). We talk about it all the time. We talk about doing what you know is right no matter what others around you are doing, bullying and things like that, but sex??? HELP!!!!

IMO sex is the one thing parents do not teach there kids about early enough. We start young about strangers and drugs and alcohol but as parents most are so embarassed about sex they do not feel they can talk about that as openly.

at 9 and 7 yes I would be discussing sex with them - really many think there kids are to young and you have no idea what kids do at school - yes private schools and good schools included. I would much prefer to be a bit embarassed and open up a relationship about sex with my kids then let them learn from other kids or worse. ... adults.

Sex education is a huge part of keeping kids safe even young kids IMO

Being that we have been breeding horses since raven was born it was pretty easy in pre-school she was telling other kids where babies came from explaining about sperm and eggs (ok so embarassing for me lol) I have a very open relationship with both my girls my oldest is 20 and while it is hard to hear sometimes I know almost every detail of her private life. She asks questions and even at 20 has many questions about what is normal and such.

I often wonder how different my childhood would have been had my parents taken the time to discuss sex and make me feel comfortable and knowledgable before I was sexually assulted as a child.

 

[KanoasDestiny]

I think I was about 11 when my mom and I had this talk. I already knew the basics, but I had heard some stuff at school and I was curious, so I went to her and asked her. She explained it to me in more detail, but she also warned me about the negative side of sex. Not only the possibility of getting pregnant or a disease, but also that sex was nothing like how they make it out to be on tv. She explained that the first time is really embarrassing and that it probably wouldn't be all that enjoyable. It scared me into waiting until I was old enough!

Now my brother on the other hand, pretty much learned about sex from his friends at school. I remember one day he came home and asked a couple questions and when we tried to explain something to him, he already "knew that part". Even now, I'm 8 years older than him and he'll start talking about this or that, or say a name, and I have no idea what he's talking about. I definately think that kids learn earlier these days. But I'd think that when a child starts to get curious, that's the best time to have the talk. Or right before puberty is going to hit. It's not like the old days when parents could wait until a child was 14 or 15 to have the talk.

 

[bcody]

Thanks everyone. I do have an open relationship with them, and I hope it stays that way. If they evr ask I tell, sometimes I ask the certain things to try to figure out what they are hearing. But, I do not think they havea lot of knowledge, just the basics. I think I will need to start a few conversations. I would rather they learn from me then before someone elses says or does something that is wrong.

Lisa, I never thought of that. Sadly a lot of my knowledge came from sexual abuse, and not the way I would recommend for learning. The more they know the better idea they have of what s wrong and to not let it happen, or get help if needed.

Thanks again everyone!

 

[bevann]

My grandaughter got lots of sex ed here on the farm with the animals.body parts on girls and boys were like belly buttons-boys had outties gilrs have innies.Lifted the tail on the Mini pregnant mares to show the baby hole.Sort of like the oven stuffer chicken-when it was done cooling it came out.She is now a teenager and has to clean her geldings sheath.Farm living teaches lots.We had the discussion that stallions are often like teenage boys.They tell the girls anything to get what they want and then move on to the next female.good luck.

 

[shadowpaints]

My kids are 10 and 8 and they have had the farmers way of sex ed since they were very young.

They have helped me with breeding for the last few years, so they do understand the "birds and bees" we talk about it alot and do not make it a big deal to talk about it. They have alot of friends that freak out when they see animals breeding and I think it should not be that way. By keeping it open and easy to talk about they have a easier time asking questions when they need to and I will ask them questions all the time about what kids are talking about and doing.
Good Luck!!

I agree with you on that!! thats exactly how im raising my 5 and 4 year old daughters... its so difficult in this day and age as it seems the schools are starting to have the 'talk' before we even get around it. i know here we have a plethura of aunts and several close family friends that if my girl dont feel comfy about talking to me about ANYTHING i can trust my family/friend to help. its very scarey! my girls know that things live and die.. that some of the things we have here are for food (chickens for eggs and meat and calves for meat.)

i think the farm approach is a great way to get them knowing about MANY things that happen in life in general!

 

[Miniv]

My grandaughter got lots of sex ed here on the farm with the animals.body parts on girls and boys were like belly buttons-boys had outties gilrs have innies.Lifted the tail on the Mini pregnant mares to show the baby hole.Sort of like the oven stuffer chicken-when it was done cooling it came out.She is now a teenager and has to clean her geldings sheath.Farm living teaches lots.We had the discussion that stallions are often like teenage boys.They tell the girls anything to get what they want and then move on to the next female.good luck.

Bevann.......That last part of your post made me laugh OUT LOUD, and it's SO TRUE. (I read it to my tween daughter!)

She and I began having discussions when she was about 6 years old......and having the farm sure helped. She saw the breeding and the birthing. And I have never shied away from answering her questions. I just hope she will continue to approach me whenever she has any other questions that come up.........We've covered the basics of course, plus extra-marital and a bit on homosexual relationships. The topics expand as she gets older.

One of the big things I don't want to see is having her or any of her friends feel like they have to count on getting info from "the gutter".......as my mother would have said........because that information is usually very WRONG.