Opinons needed-hard situation

[Lisa]

I need opinions on whether I am out of line in a situation with my cousin (who I live with) or not. I’m of two minds on it, one one hand I think I am not overstepping, on the other I wonder if I am. I have been told by several people that I am not out of line, but rather my cousin is.

My cousin is pregnant. She has TOLD me that I am cleaning the litter box for HER cat because she is pregnant, she never asked when I found out she was pregnant. I do know that it isn’t good for pregnant women to clean a litter box, but it is fine with a mask and gloves on and washing afterward. She gets huffy when I don’t do it when she wants me to, and her cat peed on the carpet the other night while I was out all day because his litter box was dirty, so she did it while being in a bad mood to me. Her cat pees more than my mom’s FOUR cats and it literally makes me sick to clean it, it is so disgusting, even after a day. I broke the scoop the other day when cleaning it, because it was so clay-like.

My mom and grandma started me thinking about this because they said that her boyfriend should be cleaning the box, HE’S the one that got her pregnant, it’s not my fault. He won't and wouldn't even if she asked. He refused to bring my cat to Alberta when he was going home to BC because he did not want to clean a litter box. I don’t have a cat there yet, therefore they think that she should not be getting mad at me if I don’t clean it when she wants me to.

I don’t like the way she treats me when it comes to this: telling me it is MY responsibility, getting mad when I haven’t done it, blaming HER cat peeing on the carpet on me. I have heard her complaining about me to her mom and friends on the phone in her room about this. I have to live with her for a year and don’t want to cause problems, but I keep being told I am being a doormat about this and I need to stick up for myself, that it is not my job to clean her cat’s box just because she is pregnant.

Am I wrong?

 

[Warpony]

i agree, it is her boyfriends job. I'd be angry that she didn;t ASK me to do it, just told me I had to (though if she had asked i would have said I would do it when ever i could). YOU didn't get pregnant, you didn't get HER pregnant, it IS her cat and she never asked she just demanded. It would be nice of you do it for her so she doesn't have to since there is some risk involved for her and her unborn child but the way she has handled this was rude.

perhaps you could suggest she consider buying a self cleaning litter box like a littermaid... that way she could just change the cartridges it dumps the dirty litter into and no one has to actually handle it.

You have your own life to live and it is crossing the line for her to actually get angry at you because you were gone all day living your life and her cat went someplace else because the box was messy.

 

[Lisa]

That is a good idea, I never thought of that, but I don't know if it would work. Her cat is about 25lbs and needs a rubbermaid container as his litter box and he pees so much that I don't know that a self-cleaner could do it. I will have to look into it.

 

[Danielle_E.]

Couple of questions here, you say you live with your cousin, do you share the rent on the place or is this your cousin's house/home? If so do you pay half the mortage/rent or if you aren't are you expected to do certain things that contribute in another way?

If you are paying your half of the household expenses than I say it is NOT your responsibility to do this and if it bothers you to do it you need to tell your cousin so that she can come up with a different scenario to deal with this. As mentioned, the self-cleaning litterboxes would be the way to go.

 

[Ashley]

I agree its not your job. But at the same time if it were me its not worth argueing about so I would just clean it.

Why not tell her if she or he cant do it then they need to get rid of the cat.

 

[Lisa]

For the last 2 months I have been paying a portion (not half, but 1/4) toward rent and living at her place. As of March 1 we will be moving into a new place and we will be splitting rent and expenses equally.

I cannot tell her that, she would get rightfully angry. She has had him since he was 4 weeks old and he would not do well at all not being with her. I want to try and find a situation where I don't feel like a slave.

I guess I COULD just chalk it up to pregnancy hormones, but I can't help but wonder if I were to be pregnant, would she do this for me, I certainly wouldn't think of it as an EXPECTATION that it was her job...

 

[rabbitsfizz]

If the cat is wormed correctly, and healthy, and all cats should be, there is absolutely no reason why a pregnant woman cannot clean a cat litter tray.

What is your cousins rationale on this???

 

[Lisa]

She has a book that says the toxins in cat litter boxes can or will make her lose the baby.

 

[nootka]

Actually, there's a pretty good chance she would be fine w/the cat box, considering shes' been around cats for a long time (she should have an immunity), but again, it's best to err on the side of caution.

I'd just tell her if she can't be nice about it, then she should hire someone else to come over and take care of the problem if she has an issue with how you are doing it.

Yes, she is hormonal and probably stressed, but again, as has been pointed out, there is another person here that should be showing her he can "man it up" and be there for her, whether it means cleaning a cat box, or holding the barf bucket when she's sick, or cleaning his baby's diapers, etc. etc.

YOU are not the problem...and I'm sorry she's treating you roughly.

I'd sit down and type up how you're feeling, objectively, and then present it to her so she can better understand...?

Liz

 

[~Karen~]

A self cleaning litter box is what I thought of as well (or 2 of them sitting side beside). Personally, I couldn't handle a cat peeing on the carpets, I'd rather clean a box instead. The cat is ultimately her responsibility, not yours, not her boyfriends. She should have thought of this and made arrangements, like pay someone to care for her cat. Unless it was in the rental agreement. It doesn't matter how much you are paying on rent, or staying rent free. Bottom line, the cat is hers and it wasn't a part of the rental agreement. But.... consider this, if you have pets, what if you want to travel sometime and not take your pets, it might be nice to know that she can take care of them for you while you are gone. If that is a possibility, I would keep a logged record of caring for her cat, have her write down when she wants the box cleaned, and that she understands that this is a trade agreement in writing and signed. (If not, she may "conveniently" forget about your good deed).

Personally, I'd either put the cat out, or keep the box clean, I can't stand the smell of a dirty box reaking in a house.

~Karen

 

[Reble]

This too will pass.

:

Do it in a good spirit if possible, what goes around comes around.

Think of the precious gift of all in her belly, would not want anything to happen there.

:

 

[Warpony]

They have "multi-cat household" sized self cleaning boxes, having two 20+ pound pee machines myself that is what I would recommend. Unfortunately they cost about $150, so I still have to scoop poop the old fashioned way. That is a big job with 6 house cats, lol.

I also wouldn't tell her to get rid of her cat... when i had my daughter everyone told me to get rid of my dog and there are relatives who still make me grit my teeth because of it.

I'm assuming her fear is of toxoplasmosis... which is really only a danger if the litter isn;t cleaned regularly and if she doesn't wash her hands properly. I found this about the subject: http://www.mediarelations.k-state.edu/WEB/...oplasmosis.html

the important highlights:

Cats shed the oocysts, or immature organisms in their feces, Gaughan said. It takes at least 24 hours for these oocysts to sporulate, or mature, and become infective. Therefore, one of the primary prevention methods is to clean the litter box daily.
"Within that 24-hour window, the disease is not dangerous to humans," Gaughan said. "So if people are faithful, they can remove the litter at least once every 24 hours and eliminate risk of exposure. Of course, the owner also needs to practice good hygiene after cleaning the litter box."

"It's better to be exposed a long time before you are pregnant," Gaughan said. "A person who has already had the infection is unlikely to get sick again or transmit the disease to a fetus."

"Most human infections result from eating undercooked meat, not from cats," Gaughan said. "I want to reassure owners that the cat doesn't have to leave the household if they clean the litter box daily, wash really well, avoid feeding cats undercooked meat and so on. Use some common sense and they'll be fine."

In all the years I've known cat people who had kids the wives were the ones who cleaned the litter boxes and I have never actually heard of anyone I know actually getting this. Maybe that will reassure her some so when she DOES clean the box she doesn't get so upset.

 

[PaintedPromiseRanch]

Maybe if you just sat down and talked to her, something like "I know you are worried about it and I don't mind helping, but you need to understand that I can't be 100% responsible for it, someone else will need to step in and help out, and most importantly I would appreciate if you would ask me when you need help, and not order me, quite frankly it's not my responsibility but i don' t mind helping if you will just ask nicely."

good luck! that's why i have OUTSIDE cats LOL. although they do live in the barn and have a litter box there, but luckily my kids clean that

:

 

[Jill]

I think the toxoplamosis (sp? whatever it's called) that a pregnant woman can get from cleaning cat litter is something that if she was already previously exposed to it, she would not be hurt regarding her pregnancy I THINK. You can probably find out more online. I'd think if she's had and been caring for the cat for a long time, then she is probably okay to clean up after her own pet.

But, the bottom line is:

Remember -- people only take advantage of you if you let them.

 

[Marty]

Well now I"ve heard it all.

I cannot believe that people will argue over such things as who cleans out the litter box.

Such petty nonsense.

Doesn't anyone know what life is really about anymore?

Every day you get to breathe is a gift and you are arguing about such stupid things.

We are in war in Iraq. That's a problem

People are starving in our own neighborhoods. That's a problem.

Murderers are being set free in our country. That's a problem.

Increaed taxes. That's a problem.

Gas hikes. That's a problem.

Who cleans out the littler box.........That's ridicuous.........

 

[Lisa]

I'm sorry Marty....I know it's not important in the scheme of things...it feels important to me though... I'll not post stupid things again...

 

[Marty]

Nah Lisa, sorry, post away and let it out......... It's not like I don't post stupid stuff.......I'm just in a mood........sorry........

PS I"ll clean the blasted litter box to keep the peace. Send the cat over here.........

 

[Lisa]

You are entitled to it. I'm sorry you are having a tough time. :no:

:

 

[Danielle_E.]

Well I have 3 grown kids and when I was pregnant with them I darn well cleaned our cats litter boxes, nobody else in the house did it, I did and my kids are just fine. Sure I took more precautions, like wearing latext gloves when I did and washing my hands.

 

[rabbitsfizz]

Even if the cat were infected it passes withing a few weeks.

Simply test the cat for Toxoplasmosis and tell the stupid woman to wear gloves.

There are many other ways she can get it.