I know it was the right thing to do, but....

[Roxane Martin]

I feel like I betrayed this cat's trust. This gray tiger tomcat came around some to the barn last winter. Not unusual, as in the winter several of the local cats slip into to find shelter in the hayloft, unfrozen water and dry cat food.

But this tomcat, whom I called Marble, came back this winter too. He let us get closer to him when giving food and then one day I got to pet him. It was like a switch went off in his brain that said, "I remember this! This is good to have people pet you!". He showed up off and on, and when he was there, he loved to be petted--rolled and purred and kneaded and followed me around for more affection. I think he may have been a pet at some time that either was abandoned, or got away when his hormones kicked in.

Well, I had figured when it got warmer, but before he disappeared to go "catting around", I'd try to get him neutered and then let him back out. That way he should fight less, might stay around more, and he wouldn't be contributing to the cat overpopulation problem. I was in luck Friday morning--he was there for breakfast and without too much trouble I got him in the cat carrier. He didn't like that much (bloodied his nose) but then calmed down.

Took him to vet's and since a feral tomcat who had visited the barn sometimes recently had been put down with feline leukemia, I asked that Marble be checked. I thought even if he was positive, we might be able to work with it since other cats were vaccinated. But he was positive both for the leukemia and for Feline HIV ("cat AIDS"). :no:

So now I couldn't let him back out again; I didn't know anyone who would take one cat for indoors only (I have 1 indoor already so I couldn't take him) and the vet said that he'd probably start getting sick in a few months. So I had him put down. I'm not sure if the vet's office could have, in good conscience, even given him back to me without a definitive plan. How do you give a cat away that can't be allowed out and will start getting sick soon?--that's a nice present.

:

I know it was the right thing to do, so that he would not continue spreading both these diseases, but darn it, he was such a friendly cat and seemed healthy and trusted me. And how did I repay that trust?--by catching and killing him.

So I was crying and generally feeling like a betrayer. Somehow seemed appropriate that it was on Good Friday--I sort of felt like I was a Judas to that cat.

So I'm just kinda bummed. The vets want me to bring my other two barn cats in, who are both neutered and stay around the place. I just can't bring myself to do it. The one is almost 7 years old and I've had her since a kitten--it's "her" barn.

Anybody out there been down this path?

 

[Miniv]

Yes, you did the right thing. And believe it or not "Marble" understands what you did now that he's in his little Spirit Body. I bet he's even happier! He doesn't have to go roaming or begging for food anymore, and he's in a good safe place.

MA

 

[Vicky Texas]

I am sorry for the loss, and having to put down the cat. That had to be hard. But it was the right

thing to do. You would not want him spreading the stuff, or when he does get sicker, any suffering

then. So you did the right thing. Its been a bummer week here to. My favorite little grey cat

disappreared this last week to. He was there for feeding on Monday night, and have not seen him

since, I have searched every where I can think to find him. Still praying he will come home.

Wishing you the best, and please know you did the right thing.

Vicky

 

[sparkle]

Roxanne I know exactly how you feel. When I was a teenager I had a stray cat follow me home from a trail ride on my horse! I couldn't believe it!

And me, being the classic "mama can we keep him?" kid, I fed him and scratched him and I have never heard a cat purr so loud...it was like he was longing for someone to be kind to him.

We already had a cat (who didn't like other cats), so my mom and I "agreed" to take him to a shelter. I was so sad all the way there. He sat on my lap happy and warm and fell asleep purring.

: I explained to the shelter how I came apon him and that he was such a love that I was sure w/ a little time (and food!) he would be the world's most grateful lovable cat.

They agreed to take him and said they'd give him a physical and call us later in the day. My mom answered the phone when they called. I heard her say, "I understand" and I felt sick.

She told me that he was very sick (I believe the same as Marble...been a while...can't quite remember what he had) and they had to put him down.

I got this rush of guilt and starting bawling.

: After collecting myself, I realized that it was only a matter of time for him and I took comfort in the thought of knowing that he wouldn't suffer....or suffer anymore. Animals often put on a big front. Sickness or injury=weakness and weakness= danger in an animal's world.

Just remember that your Marble was lucky enough to find someone who cared about him.

Perhaps our boys are fat and happy now...playing together.

:

 

[nootka]

I don't know how to make it easier, but I did watch my Grandma witness one of her beautiful little kitties die from the kitty HIV years ago, and it was not a nice thing to endure even though she did have her put down before it got really bad, it was hard on everyone.

Marble did not have to feel sick and you did not have to hurt for his hurt. He would not have been happy being kept in, and it would have made him feel trapped and afraid, given his previous lifestyle.

You gave him the only freedom he could have, and I know it was hard, but you also likely saved the lives of some other cats in the area by stopping the disease at least with him.

My thoughts are with you....

Liz M.

 

[Beccy]

So sorry that you had to make the decision you did, :no: but it definitely was the right one.

 

[Roxane Martin]

Thanks folks.

I know I'm a softie here (I cried and prayed like crazy when I accidentally killed a garden snake with my weed whacker), but it helps to know others have either had that happen to them, and understand.

I wonder if I'll recognize all of the cats I've had in my life when I cross over the Rainbow Bridge? I'll probably be more excited to see them again that most people!

Roxane