Angels in fur coats...

[Warpony]

I haven't been around much recently, it has been very busy around here and my computer time has been limited... but things are slowing down now and so I'm back. It's been a hard month or so but even in my short time here I've grown to adore so many of you. I guess that is why, at this time, I was drawn back here.

Yesterday I had to say goodbye to my precious pony, Jamie. I'd had him for 14 all too short years. He was horribly neglected before I got him and his first 4 painful years finally caught up to him and he let me know it was time to say goodbye.

I'm absolutely gutted.

My miniature, Sparrow, has only been a member of the family since this summer. he is young, just a weanling, but Jamie was a wonderful big brother to him and has shaped so much of his personality and manners. he is as bereft as the rest of the family. To be honest, I was a little disappointed when I bought him because he is one of my least favorite colours... the same bright red as my pony was, with the same light mane and tail. It's a stunning colour, don;t get me wrong, I've just had so many horses that colour and I really do prefer a horse with dark points. But now I look at him and see jamie's influence on him and somehow... it seems like it wouldn;t be right to have a horse of any other colour standing there looking at me.

We've all been spending a lot of time with him because he is demonstratively lonely and upset and confused by the disappearance of his pasture mate.

last night I walked in on my 11 year old daughter sobbing openly into his furry neck, and I joined her. Even a miniature has room on it's neck for two girls to cry on him when the need arises.

But as i knelt there beside my daughter sharing our pain and loss I realized how good it felt to have my little guy to hug on. I've been somewhat reserved with him because I thought I might be selling him next year to make room for another horse, but with the loss of the pony that won;t need to happen. I have a big empty pony shaped hole in my heart, but in those moments that little guy made it clear that while he will never fill it, he is more then happy to make it his own space.

I've been consoled and comforted by friends and family both in person and online, but that moment of bonding did more to ease the pain then anything.

My dogs have been especially affectionate and reserved the last day and a half, like they know and want to help.

I'm amazed and humbled by the way my animals have sought to console me. I firmly believe sometimes our animals are angels who come into our lives to comfort and guide us. I can't imagine life without them.

 

[Beccy]

I am so very sorry for your loss, it truly sounds like he was a special member of your family. (((hugs)))

And yes, I absolutely believe that many of our creature friends know when we are hurting and respond to it with love and concern. So many people do not give them enough credit for that.

 

[AppyLover2]

Only people who love animals understand (and recognize) their response to our moods (especially our sorrow). I'm sure Jamie was watching you and your daughter sharing your sorrow with Sparrow and was nickering his approval. It sounds like, after his hard start in life, he had a wonderful home with a human family who loved him. ((((((HUGS)))))

 

[Miniv]

Losing a fur-member of the family after so many years is heartwrenching. I am very sorry. But am glad that you have others to give you and your daughter some comfort.

It must be particularly hard for your little girl, who has known "Jamie" all of her life.......

Blessings,

MA

 

[Sterling]

Oh goodness I'm all choked up!

I'm so sorry for your loss, and at the same time grateful for all the fubabies you have around you to give comfort to you and yours in this so fragile time.

 

[PaintedPromiseRanch]

ditto ditto ditto. i just love the way you expressed yourself and your feelings about the lost pony and the little one left behind. so sorry for your loss of Jamie but how lucky you are to have Sparrow! (and how lucky you were to have Jamie for so long...)

my heart goes out to you!

 

[Danielle_E.]

First let me say how sorry I am about Jamie :no: . Hugs to you and your daughter.

I also believe that animals feel what we feel, that they also go through being depressed and upset when they lose a member of "their family". I remember a few years ago, just before Christmas, our dog who was notorious for one minute being next to you and the next minute gone to seek out the dog next door....anyway to make a long story short our dog was hit and killed by a car as I was calling him to come back home...he was on his way back, running in the road... :no: That night I sobbed like a baby holding my arabian,s neck and burying my face in her mane. That mare knew what I was going through. For two days one of our barn cats, who use to play with our dog constantly, was at the basement window and yowling, a sound I will never forget. That cat knew that Shotzie was gone and was mourning his best buddy to play with.

 

[carlenehorse]

I am sorry for you and your family's loss. It is amazing how animals know when we are hurting. They know exactly when to nuzzle to help us heal. They will stay by your side constantly while you are down.

Carlene

 

[hobbyhorse23]

Oh WarPony, I'm so sorry. I know exactly where you are coming from and you expressed so well the feelings that come from opening yourself to another animal that perhaps you haven't given enough credit to in the past. Please hug your daughter for me and pet Sparrow with a willingness to appreciate his gifts. Ask what he is there to bring to your life, and ponder how you and he and your daughter can all honor Jamie's spirit together. Perhaps make a donation to a horse rescue in his name?

I am so sorry for your loss. It's going to hurt for a long while but we are here for you if you want to talk about your grief.

Leia

 

[Warpony]

Thank you all for your kind words.

Being able to post about here and other places has helped so much.

Leia, what a wonderful idea! Doing something to honour his memory in the short term would be nice. I do have a long term goal that will be dedicated to him and all he gave me. since the day I rescued Jamie I have planned to rescue more ponies. I'm going to concentrate on getting my fencing upgraded so that I can take in another pony, mini or donkey or two in the future. I've named my farm PhoenixDown Farm, to reflect the fact that the focus will be on rescue. The phoenix is the mythological bird who died and was reborn through flames, and "down" is the soft under feathers that birds have that we use to make comforters and pillows and that some birds use to line their nests. I may never be able to help more then one or two little guys at a time, but while they are here this will be a safe warm place full of love where they can watch their old life die and where they can be reborn into a world where they will know only love and kindness and can learn what it is like to be wrapped in the love of a person who genuinely cares for them.

 

[hobbyhorse23]

That is the best way possible to honor the memory of a rescued animal. I only hesitated to mention it because of course we aren't always in a position to do that right away!

I really like the book "Animals as Guides for the Soul," by Susan Chernak McElroy. I read that book shortly after the loss of my cat and in my deep grief, one line shook me to my marrow. She says, "In Native American tradition, a give-away is a ritual of balance, of giving something back for what you have taken. As a ritual for grieving, the give-away can become a special declaration. What will you give back to the world to honor what has been lost?"

I still receive deep comfort from that concept and every time I lose someone I love I spend time in quiet meditation pondering what I will do or change in my life to honor the gifts the lost one gave me. For that particular cat, it was to rescue another and care for it as he had cared for me. For another person perhaps it might be to mend a relationship that has been damaged with the same self-less love the animal gave you.

I honor YOU, WarPony, for your deep spirituality and your grace during grief. Sparrow and your daughter are very lucky, as was Jamie. Your farm name is beautiful and I will send love that the Phoenix may fly high and long above your barns.

 

[PaintedPromiseRanch]

Absolutely. What better way to honor the love you received from an animal that you have lost, than to provide another needy animal with the opportunity for that same love. There are so many animals out there that need a good home. I could never understand people that said "my dog died, i can't stand to get another one because i can't stand to lose another one..." - well, what about all the GOOD you had over the years with that dog (or cat or horse or etc.) sure there's pain at the end when you lose them, but isn't it a small price to pay for the wonderful relationship you are privileged to share? Your idea is awesome and your farm name is very cool - i love when they have a meaning behind them...

 

[Warpony]

I have a tendency to go out and get another animal the minute i stop sobbing uncontrollably over the loss of one. I've always been that way and always will be. I'm keeping myself in check right now because we need to improve our premises before we bring anyone new in, but my husband is already looking for a new addition to the family. He is as bad as i am about it. Thankfully.

In my opinion, every ache i feel, every tear I shed... every little sting i feel at the sound of his name.... was worth it. Completely worth it. i would not trade a single memory, good or bad, for all the tears I have cried in the last few days.