A Matter of Opinion

[AppyLover2]

The constant bickering just gets very tiresome!

 

[Reble]

Just Love, Luv, this forum. this is my life line and some will say I should go get a life.

Well, since my fall 3 years ago now, I cannot work outside my home, and sometimes my head and hand do not complete the task I want to say, some words are wrong and sometimes as some have said get a laugh out of what I do type .. that is OK, I try so hard not to take things personal, unless as many know some people face to face and for some reason just do not like each other. We feel they are out to get us. I do believe their is some on here are just like that.

That is fine in the real world put here is a family, I have seen this in the couple of the years I have been here.

We will argue, discuss, disagree and agree, but when someone is truly hurting and have had a loss we are there for them.

I do try to have an open mind and hope to learn, and enjoy my daily reading which is here on the forum.

If we do not like it, we have an off button.

The thing I do not like is see a topic go on and on and on and on. It does get boring, but I than go and get some house work done and come back and Ok found a new topic

My house really is not that clean any more.

I believe we all have something important to say, we just really need to listen before we speak

 

[Jill]

Very interesting replies all around

I know that there are some people here who just "love" me and my opinions. They seem to wait for me to post something and then look to see if they can discover a reason to be insulted. Even quoting me and paraphrasing what they want to think I said but didn't

Their motivation is completely transparant to my eyes.

Last night, I was thinking how not that long ago, a lot of us listed the members we have met, and the ones we'd like to meet. I didn't list any of "these" s the ones I would like to meet... HOWEVER there are three or four ladies, I would really go out of my way to meet eye to eye. Good or bad, irritating or not, I am the same here and in person. I'd love to see if they are, too

 

[Sun Runner Stables]

I really have to agree with those who say that the disagreements and different opinions are interesting. I only have one emotional hot topic, which I'm sure most of you know, but the rest I just find really quite entertaining. I've learned Alot on here, and stick around to learn more, as I am so far from achieving my goals.

I just let it all kinda soak in and try and weed out who's going to be more annoying, and I have to admit, when I get really irritated, I'll say as much

, as when horses are suffering, it just gnaws at me.

 

[Buckskin gal]

Intersting perspective. Sounds like you think you are being picked on by some people...that is sad. Maybe you could talk to them in a private conversation and ask them what is up...maybe they really don't intend to pick on you but you are taking them differently then they intend. I think a lot of us get our words taken differently than we intend, now and then. I don't understand why anyone would deliberately wait for you to post something to find something to be insulted by. Doesn't make any sense.

Mary

Very interesting replies all around

I know that there are some people here who just "love" me and my opinions. They seem to wait for me to post something and then look to see if they can discover a reason to be insulted. Even quoting me and paraphrasing what they want to think I said but didn't

Their motivation is completely transparant to my eyes.

 

[Jill]

Thanks, Mary. Don't feel sorry for me though

I'm fine. I just don't like when they say I've been hurtful or nasty when word for word quotes clearly show I wasn't.

The point I was hoping to make is that preferring something in a horse (oh, let's say generally liking them to be over 30" for my own herd) is not being nasty but stating opinion. Just like if I say I like purple better than blue, and Ford better than GM -- that's "just" a statement of opinion and not something anyone should be insulted over

With the ladies I'm aware of, they are not the types that are really worth trying to change. They're all internet buddies together and they're not going to like me because I like what I've got going on basically

And, I might say, I like what A LOT of us here have going on as well

 

[Buckskin gal]

You know Jill, just maybe, that is the problem....you can't change someone else you can only change yourself. Maybe someone really is upset with how you say things. Saying someone "isn't worth changing" really says a lot about a person. [my opinion] Is it our job to try and change other people or is it our job to look at ourselves to see if changes need to be made?

I fully understand that people get taken the wrong way, many times on this forum...in fact I was shocked with the response that SLV gave when I asked a simple question of "who is who." Her mind took it that I was doing wrong, when I had no intentions of wrong when asking. I didn't realize that what I asked would be taken with such defensiviness and I feel badly that it was taken that way. Now, do I try and change her; I think not, but I do have the responsibility to myself to see it for what it was....an assumption on her part that I had bad intentions

Another thing was how quickly you came to her defense, as if I was trying to invade her privacy rather than seeing it as just being curious and wanting to meet this person via the forum. The point is, way too much can be read into what someone might say and this is sad. Simple truths can mean someone can lash out for no good reason and that is what is hurtful. JMHO Mary

With the ladies I'm aware of, they are not the types that are really worth trying to change. They're all internet buddies together and they're not going to like me because I like what I've got going on basically

And, I might say, I like what A LOT of us here have going on as well

 

[PaintedPromiseRanch]

[SIZE=12pt]Jill, that's why I sit on my hands a lot

. What's the saying...arguing with a fool only makes two...

Nikki[/SIZE]

that's great Nik! i will have to remember that one...

 

[Sonya]

I just don't like when they say I've been hurtful or nasty when word for word quotes clearly show I wasn't.

What??? Jill I've never seen a nasty or hurtful word typed by you...NEVER!

There are a few on here who do tend to get nasty personally with others...Jill you are definately not one of them!

 

[Jill]

Thank you, Sonya

 

[hobbyhorse23]

I think a lot of us have a tough time realizing how we sound when we are typing. I bet if folks met face to face that many many many conversations would be productive. Some have a hard time stressing their opinion without sounding rude, snotty, etc. I bet some don't realize they are doing it.

Some of them know exactly what they're doing, don't care and say so pretty frequently ("I'm right, you aren't going to change my mind, deal with me!") but others may not think about alternate ways their words might come across or simply don't have the time to fuss over every single word and try to make it "just right." It's hard and time consuming!

They seem to wait for me to post something and then look to see if they can discover a reason to be insulted. Even quoting me and paraphrasing what they want to think I said but didn't. Their motivation is completely transparant to my eyes.

I'd love to say that this is a great example of what we mean by people thinking others are out to be rude or insulting, but sadly some of the recent threads have shown me that there really are some people who are just out to hurt people. I feel sort of sorry for them, actually. It must be hard being so narrow-minded! But at the same time I know (or think I do!) some of the people Jill is probably talking about and I know that they really, honestly, truly aren't out to get her. Yet at the same time I can see how they would come across that way and it makes me sad.

I've been misinterpreted as not liking some individuals in real life (not horse people) and been horribly taken aback as they were actually people I admired tremendously from afar and had no idea I was sending other signals. I beat myself up for weeks wondering what I had done. After a long time I finally realized that while undoubtedly some of the responsibility rested with me, some of it also was the responsibility of the other person for deciding that I must hate them. It took a long time to be okay with sharing that responsibility and realizing that if someone is determined to think that others don't like them there's not much I can do about it. I will still go out of my way to phrase myself carefully and try to avoid possible misunderstandings. It does still bother me; I cry when people vehemently dislike me even though I know not everyone will get along. That's just the way I am. I'm generally a likeable person and am not used to being rejected as stuck-up or rude or cold although I make mistakes (some of them major) and put my foot in my mouth

with some regularity. Not surprising when I open it so often! OH!

But in the end I usually did not mean it the way it was taken and am always surprised that some people seem to go out of their way to look for insult. Again, I DO NOT MEAN YOU, JILL! LOL

I've always been a glass-half-full kind of girl and I try to maintain that outlook when reading what others have written on boards like this. I go into it assuming that the person did not mean to offend or come across as rude. If they did and I'm giving them the benefit of the doubt, so what? I'm happier for my assumption and sometimes the person will even settle down a bit when they don't get the reaction they are looking for. And if they didn't, then I just saved some grief for both of us.

Be like MiniV. Be a duck.

Or if you can't be a duck, at least handcuff yourself and grit your teeth and stay silent! LOL Sometimes it's sooooo hard.

Leia

 

[tagalong]

All opinions matter, all opinions count... and yet seeing people get jumped for stating their opinion - or seeing the complaint that some opinions are presented as fact - well, it is a bit frustrating. Unless links and credentials are provided - anything said on a message board is merely someone else's opinion/thought/concern.

Often the posts that complain about someone else's opinions or the "nasty" way they state them IMO are nastier in tone and substance than anything the original poster said.... if one has issues with a certain poster -one can always SCROLL.

Or let it roll off... *quack*

Slapping labels on people never helps... as no one fits into a specific "cookie cutter" all the time. Assigning "tone" where there may be none - and it may just be someone's style of writing... also does not help.

Sweeping generalizations are also not conducive to any discussion.

Another type of comment that I find a bit - well, ironic... is the odd post in a heated thread that assures us the forum is going down the tubes, that everyone is sooooo rrrrude, that none of the original members are still around (yes, we are!), that this is a nasty place and getting worse and so on...

This board is TAME. Very tame compared to a lot of message boards/forums out there - both horse related and not. The only time I have ever seen it get very messy - was a couple of years ago when a certain member was making merry by treating the place like their own personal bashfest. But that is in the past.

I also post on a couple of horse-themed boards where the heated threads would likely incinerate this forum... and yet after everyone has worked through it - all is well, all opinions have been stated, discussed, chewed up, applauded etc. And everyone moves on to the next topic.

Some of us like a debate/discussion - even when it gets a bit heated. If that is not to your particular liking - then there are other threads to take part in... there is something for everyone. And like any message board, there are the spotlight seekers, the My Way Or The Highway types, the jump on the bandwagon tyoes, the cynical, skeptical types (me?), the Happy All The Time types etc. etc. - and there is room for all of us.

And to clarify - this post was not written with any "tone". It was just... well, written.

 

[Lucky-C-Acres-Minis]

I was done with this post until I saw ML had posted so stopped to read what she had said and of course then read all the other replies and must say I got quite the laugh... I find it funny how most of the posts say "every opinion counts" yet somehow (but not surprising

) my post about how I feel some posters on the forum can get rude and mean with their replies (MY OPINION) got turned into a "picking fest" on a specific poster, please point out on my reply where I stated WHO I felt was nasty/mean/rude...

You know Jill, just maybe, that is the problem....you can't change someone else you can only change yourself. Maybe someone really is upset with how you say things. Saying someone "isn't worth changing" really says a lot about a person. [my opinion] Is it our job to try and change other people or is it our job to look at ourselves to see if changes need to be made?

Some of the most intelligent words spoken on this thread so far..

 

[tagalong]

I find it funny how most of the posts say "every opinion counts" yet somehow (but not surprising

) my post about how I feel some posters on the forum can get rude and mean with their replies (MY OPINION) got turned into a "picking fest" on a specific poster, please point out on my reply where I stated WHO

I felt was nasty/mean/rude...

Lucky C - I am confused - where was anyone singling you out here?

In MY post - I was not referring to any posts in this thread or singling anyone out - but referring to what has happened numerous times in threads that get a bit heated. And then we have often seen posts bashing a poster directly that have been far ruder than the original post... JMO. It is the ever-squeaking hamster wheel that all of us have the abilty to stop...

The unofficial rule on most boards when it comes to posts you vehemently disagree with and want to respond to in kind (or worse) is... IGNORE. Or SCROLL. Or let it roll off. Disagree with the post and not the poster - do not make it personal. And/or compose a thougthful reply that you edit and re-edit and re-edit before you hit send... we all can work on that...

 

[Jill]

Thanks everyone

This thread has been an interesting read for me to be sure.

Leia, I'd love to know who you think it is

I'm 100% sure the few ladies I have in mind do have an ax they would like to grind with (or on haha) me. There's just no doubt about it but I'd love for one of them to privately clue me in as to what I "did" out of real curiosity. However, I'd be hard pressed to pick a group of people that I think have less influence over what other people really think

SO, it cannot be but so bad.

I do so much agree with Tag. This is the only NICE message board I really know about. All the other ones have so much bickering. Here, there is a huge range of opinions and insight and let's face it -- none of us has just a mild interest in what we're discussing (miniature horses). We all care SO MUCH about the subject. It could get very nasty, but never really does. We seem to be able to disagree without being mean in almost every case I can remember going back over the years. The one real bad apple I remember from a long time ago is the kind of thing that just dwells on other message boards I've been to.

 

[nootka]

This is quite interesting, because when I post about a certain topic (say dwarf producing breeders, or people who cheat and push the limits in regards to height and showing, or having oversized horses and lying about it) I use generalities and lump a bunch into one "example."

For example, I KNOW there was more than ONE horse at Worlds this year that was attempted to show in the wrong height category. In discussing the problem, I gave examples that covered a few different scenarios. In my mind, all of these were fairly equal as far as the problem, and it would be hard for me to pick out any one person I felt was most wrong except for those that went so far as to HURT their horses in order to get them smaller for whatever reason. Don't you know that one person contacted me all concerned that I was picking at THEIR horse. Not a chance. I don't even know that that one person had a horse that even showed at Worlds, yet they are hypersensitive and someone (I do know who it is now) felt the need to make some pointed effort to this other person that I was making "jibes" at their horse, when I was trying to point out a fairly general situation that I know has happened hundreds of times at all shows, not JUST Worlds.

I guess it even goes so far as to when there is no actual offense, someone likes to make one up. I chalk it up to wanting attention because as they say, "any publicity is better than none."

I am still here, and as far as I'm concerned, I am one of the original ones as I've been here since May of 1997, probably within a month of the Forum's beginning.

I've seen a lot, here, but I would say it is mostly for the good even when people try to take offense when it isn't meant.

Some people are fully convinced they are right and dont' want to change, but they DO want someone to challenge them so they can show off how right they are. That is fine, but don't be surprised when noone wants to play.

I could also say that we all have our achilles heel. We have something that is sensitive, sometimes with good reason, sometimes much of it is our own perception. It's interesting, though, when people take a finger raised in question and turn it around to point at themselves, then grow defensive to the point of calling others out to "come look."

Jill, I do believe at least one member of your fan club was pretty guilty when I went back and read the threads, I saw what must have prompted it, but again, I had no ONE event in mind, it was a combination of events and likely many that I've seen here at local shows (though certainly not on the level of what happened at Worlds this year or even in 2005. In 2005, people claimed a horse was killed...things get out of control, whether it is true or not)

Anyway, I am no expert and will NEVER know it all, so bring on the opinions, the observations and shared experiences. I love this Forum.

If I get upset, it is usually because of something that happened outside the Forum, not directly something that happened here, though I DO end up frustrated feeling because my point(s) were so blatantly misunderstood such as the generality of trying to say that all small minis = dwarf when I NEVER said that. I've said the opposite quite often.

Thanks, though, for a well-stated reality check.

Liz

 

[Jill]

Liz, the combination of my own little fan club and seeing what went on on "that" thread prompted this post.

 

[lvponies]

This is totally off topic, but I have a S-I-L that just stopped talking to me several years ago. No idea why, no idea what I did and really don't care. MAYBE (back on topic now!), it would be a good idea (or not) that if people have problems with certain posters, they should talk about it privately either through PM or email. As I never knew what I had done to tick off my S-I-L, people may not know what they did to tick you off. Maybe talking about it will clear the air?? Or maybe nobody really cares and are content to leave things as they are?? Don't know.

 

[Charley]

Aww come on. We are all just human. Everything does not have to come back to "ME". Just live and learn and don't take things so personal...

 

[Jill]

This is totally off topic, but I have a S-I-L that just stopped talking to me several years ago. No idea why, no idea what I did and really don't care. MAYBE (back on topic now!), it would be a good idea (or not) that if people have problems with certain posters, they should talk about it privately either through PM or email. As I never knew what I had done to tick off my S-I-L, people may not know what they did to tick you off. Maybe talking about it will clear the air?? Or maybe nobody really cares and are content to leave things as they are?? Don't know.

I actually DID pm three of the individuals 2 or 3 months ago when I noticed what was going on and just asked them to tell me what it was I did, which they all ignored.