Advice needed on how to deal with 5th grade girl

[minisaremighty]

Hi All!

I know it's been forever since I've posted and I bet most of you don't even know who I am! LOL!

Anyhow, I have a 5th grade daughter (Jenna) and a 7th grade daughter (Jessica) at the same small school (there are only about 20 girls in the 5th through 8th grade at this school. There is this girl in the 8th grade (I'll call her Jane) who came to our school when she was in the 6th and Jenna was in the 3rd grade. Jane was nice to Jenna and they became friends. Now that Jane is in the 8th grade, she has matured and wants to move on from her friendships with the younger girls and just focus on the older ones. She is always very nice, but Jenna does not understand this and still tries to spend a lot of time with her. I know this is just a natural progression, but the younger kids just don't understand it. Jessica has been rather rude to her sister whenever she approaches Jane because she knows how Jane feels and she feels she is sparing Jenna from being upset with Jane and allowing Jenna to be upset at her instead.

So in an odd way, Jessica is trying to help, but she's making matters worse I think! LOL!

Anyway, how can I convey to Jenna that Jane really has moved on? Jenna still firmly believes they are good friends. I don't want Jenna's feelings hurt, but I think it's time to deal with this, I just don't know how!

I know there are a lot of you out there and figure some of you may have some advice, maybe from some personal experience?? I am familiar with this type of situation because it happened to Jessica a couple years ago when she had a friend that was 4 grades older than her. But she is a totally different kid and understands the most complex of situations. Jenna is not that way at all. She is much more naive.

Thank you in advance!!!

 

[Reble]

: My grandmother always told my Mom and My Mom told me, never worry about kids, as you worry or try to help or settle things, they always seem to bounce back and handle things better on their own.

:

 

[Black Magic]

We have three children... they are ages 6, 8 and 11. I am totally focused on family and I think this helps the kids when situations like this arise. Recently, there was a similar problem, because our Stephen (who is now in middle school) doesn't have as much time for his sisters or their friends. They always liked having Stephen be around to help them, and as he's always the class clown, he is always good to make a sad child giggle.

I sat the girls down and tried to explain to them, that boys and girls mature at different stages and that right now, he thinks he's much older, and is interested in GIRLS.. (horrors), and not specifically little ones. I just told them, it was a phase he's going through and that as many things in life, this too will pass. I explained that if they bug him to play with them and be their pal... he'll be resentful that he didn't get to do his "boy stuff" when he wanted too. The girls pretty much got it, and now, they just say... "oh, my brother... it's a phase he's going through and he'll be back playing with us before you know it".

Eventually, I think they will realize that it's them that is going through the same phase their brother did, and will have alot to talk about. I think they just needed to realize that he needs a little room about now. Also, I think they realize that it doesn't change the affection they feel for each other, it's just he's growing in a different way that they don't quite get right now.

Good Luck..

Being a Mom is the most difficult job in the world.

God Bless,

Lynn W

 

[JumpinJackFarm]

Hmmm... that is a tuff one

: I have an 11 & 14 yr old daughter. When they get home from school I always ask them about thier day...who did you sit with on the bus?...who did you sit with at lunch?...what did you do in art...how fast did you run in PE?? etc....... Usually the same names come up and I focus on these names. (espessially in the beginning of school...lots of NEW friends) I want to get to know these girls through my girls....I act interested in them and in return I learn about them. Try to focus her in a different direction of a different friend...ask her about her friends. Encourage her to invite a different friend over for an afternoon. Jenna may think that Jane is her ONLY friend in the world and doesn't see past that.

Rebel as some wonderful advise as well.. issues with children always seem to work out on there own... I know with my girls, they can be SO much drama at times and I just stay out of it....which..lol..is far better for the drama situations

: Teri

 

[whiskeyranch]

My daughter is 13 and son is 15 next week.

I always have my daughters friend here, but awhile back when her friend was hanging out with someone else, I just had my Korry invite someone else to go places with us. I told her not to be mad and start more drama, that her friend would be back. 2 weeks later, her friend decided this other girl was just causing her to get in trouble, which she was, and now all is well again in teenage girl world.

Explain that Jane is older and has more she has to do and is just trying to be a big girl and that when your daughter gets a little older that she will be right back up there with her.

I agree with everyone. Things iron themselves out, and you should have your girl invite another friend over to do something fun. Help her focus go towards someone or something else.

 

[Marty]

I find this kinda interesting because around here, age does not matter. Seems like everyone is friends no matter what their age. There is a 1 1 /2 year difference between my boys but they usually "sharred" most of their friends. Michael's best buddy is 3 years older than him but there is also a couple of 14-18 year olds in the mix. Dan is 17 and as a matter of fact, he's got a 15 year old that he has been hanging out with lately and his best friend is 16 and two years behind him in school. I think it's more of a matter of what the kids have in common. They just seem to hang out in groups or tribes as I call them.

I suppose with girls it's different. A lot of one on one instead of "Groupings"

This reminds me of the times when I used to hang out with my older cousins for years and years but seems like when they got boobs and a bra, I was still in a tee shirt , and off they went, and there I was sitting alone in the looser corner thinking that it was because I was "flat".

I would start with Jessica. First I would tell big sister Jessica to back off. No need for her to get rude about it when little sister is already having a hard time. Tell her that Jenna is already hurt being left out and she doesn't have to add to it.

I really don't think there is much you can do in your situtation. You've already spoke to your daughter and tried to explain this to her, so eventually she will "get it" when she finds herself constantly being left behind. Sad for her, but she will figure this out on her own in time. I think if I were in your shoes and I went over this with her time and time again, I would just sit it out and let things take their course.

You can encourage her to invite some of the other girls closer to her age over or to take a trip to the mall with you, or to go see a movie.

 

[minisaremighty]

Thanks for the replies!!

I talked with Jenna about "phases" and with that terminology, she got it :aktion033:

I also talked to Jess and asked her not to "protect" her sis that way anymore! LOL! She got it, too

:

Jess is gone all weekend (first at a friend's house and then at my MIL's) and Jenna is having a friend over all day tomorrow.

I think a big part of Jenna's issue was she lost 2 of her closest friends this year when they didn't return to her school, leaving her with only one friend and in the spot of having to make new friends. She did call her old friends last night and had great conversations with them, so she's feeling much better.

Thank you all for your support and ideas!!!