Need toddler advice

[CKC]

Ok... I need advice. My oldest son will be 3 next week. He's going through what I have heard as being called the toddler tantrums.

He's throwing himself on the ground, whining, screaming and the next minute is the perfect angel. Anytime, we go to a store this happens. You take him out, give him a time out and then he will sometimes come back to the wonderful angel of a child.

Here's the thing.... I know this can be all normal, but why is it the friends I'm asking about this say... oh my son or my daughter never did that. WHAT?! That can't be. I do have a couple friends that did say oh yea, it's normal. My Mom says it's revenge. My mother in law says my husband was an angel and never did it(she said it came from my side of the family...... I won't tell you what I wanted to say to her over that comment).

Anyway, here's the question.... short of pulling your hair out, screaming.......

How do you discipline your toddler in public? We have a time out procedure at home that the doctor recommended and it works.... but yesterday, my son pulled this stunt in front of about 20 people. I tried not to look at them, but I could see out of the corner of my eye they were just waiting to see how I was going to handle this. Guaranteed half of them are thinking wonder when that parent is going to do something about this and the other half waiting to call the police if I touched him. At this point, I'm letting him work this out while within in a few feet of grabbing him and carrying him kicking and screaming to the car. I tried staying calm. My husband on the other hand is ready to lose it. He can't stand when people are staring. He wanted to grab him and run for the hills.

When did your toddler stop this or did they ever stop it... LOL?

Kim

 

[Lisa-Ruff N Tuff Minis]

Ahh the joys of toddlers and hate to break it to you but they seem to go thru this again in the early teens as well

:

I would say you need to discipline them the same way you would at home. While my oldest was famous for this Raven never had a tantrum in public once

It is hard when you feel the pressure is on by stares and others judging but all you can do is be calm, direct, and follow thru no different then in your own living room.

Hang in there as this will pass it is normal and has nothing to do with you as a parent and is one of those things you just cant take personal (you will get better at the not taking personal thing during the teen years when you need it the most)

 

[Bassett]

I've always said the terrible twos last from 2 to 18. :no: How about that?

I think you are doing the right thing by ignoring him in public even though it is very embarrassing for you. I really have no advice for you but hopefully he will outgrow it SOON.

: Children can be very trying at times and so loveable in a short time. Maybe just walk away from him and say you will be back when he stops. Tell him you WILL NOT put up with this. Cruel? Yes. Drastic? Yes. Just make sure you keep an eye on him to make sure he is safe. I hope you figure something out soon. You sound like a very good, kind, loving Mother, Good luck. Let us know what worked for you.

:

I must tell you my niece, Bonnie, my namesake, was so bad as a child. One time she wanted a candy bar and Wendy took it away and said you are not having it. This went on for two -three tries. She was three years old at the time. All at once she started screaming and yelling that Wendy wasn't her mother and had kidnapped her. Well, from there all h**l broke loose. The police were called. Wendy had quite the time proving she was hers. She said she felt like letting them keep her. She was the worst ever.

 

[Marty]

One of my favorite shows is "The Nanny"

Where in tarnation was she when I needed her?

Now, I have a "naughty pond " set up in the living room for Jerry to sit on when he's a bad boy

 

[FoRebel]

I too have a 3 yr old. Every so often he throws the tantrums too.... If we're in pubilic I usually tell him to stand up and that it's not appropriate behavior and that if he continues to act like that then he's just going to have to stay home. Usually it works. I've even told him that I will take him home and come back to wherever we are without him!

Now at home.... If he throws the tantrum, he gets put in "the naughty chair". It's a hard wooden chair his size that when he's not listening, being naughty or throwing a tantrum that he gets to sit in. They say 1 minute per year of life... I do 5 minutes for my son.... It gets threw to him better than 3 minutes.

: Good luck!

 

[Jetiki]

My son turned 3 in January and he can throw a tantrum with the best of them. With him I know what he would really like to do, say in Wal-mart, he loves to go see the fish, so if he's good for the groceries he gets to go and see the fish. If we are in a store that doesn't have a section he likes, I give him a sticker for being good, or some extra time outside when we get home. He doesn't like sitting in the car sometimes when me and DH are out and he starts if he doesn't stop on the 3rd time telling him, DH takes him to the car, he gets strapped in the car seat and he has to sit there while I finish up in the store. I also let him help make some choices, like apple juice or some other juice etc. It seems to help. I also always praise him when he starts to do something that I want him to do, it encourages it to continue. This may not work with all kids but this has helped us survive, I hope my daughter who's 18 months doesn't do it as bad.

Karen

 

[CKC]

See my mother in law made it sound like it was just me(which I know it isn't LOL)t. This coming from the woman who didn't raise her son.

Thank you all.

We actually do follow the 1 minute rule per year. The dr. told us a while back to sit on the floor with him and put him in a lock hold so to speak. You sit with him between your legs and wrap your legs and arms around him. If you want a true tantrum to break out(worse than what happened to cause this procedure) that's when it will happen. He will go crazy and by the time the one or two minutes were up he was perfect... wanted to give a big hug and kiss...

But now he's getting to be a bit stronger and it's harder to hold him so we made the chair at home. It works great however, it does take a bit longer, but we work it out. However, it's the public thing that gets me and he knows it.

We took him to a outlet mall that was a strip mall. We started at one end where it was total chaos and worked our way to the other end. There were several trips to the car and then by the time we made it to the last store he was sooo much better. I walked off from my husband to get something I heard screaming that sounded like my son. I get back and to my joy it wasn't him. He did have a small melt down, but my husband told him to sit down on the floor and that worked out really well. The kid still screaming wasn't mine. Thank goodness! We were only at the strip mall for about 1 1/2 hours. Half of that was spent disciplining him.

Just a minute ago I hear him saying can we go to Target.

On the teenage years..... I'm trying not to think too much, but I'm well aware of how that COULD be.

I was a horrible teenager and I mean horrible. Hormone changes, my parents divorcing with my Mom remarrying two years later, surviving a fire and an intruder. Those were some really rough years. Glad they are over.

 

[RAPfrosty]

I read this post as my mom was carrying my screaming three year old brother upstairs to his room, perfect timing

: ! Seeing as I am not a parent I feel weird "giving advice" but what my mom usually does when my brother throughs a fit in public is she makes him leave. If for some reason we can't leave she brings him ome place away from everyone else and holds him (she calls is a "time in") until he settles down and promises to be a good boy. Good luck! Who ever came up with "terrible twos" never had a three year old!

 

[disneyhorse]

I don't have kids, so can't relate to you there.

My mom said that I had a tantrum... once. It was at home. She couldn't get me to stop, so she threw a glass of water on me. I guess I was so shocked, I never did it again.

Andrea

 

[Lisa-Ruff N Tuff Minis]

I don't have kids, so can't relate to you there.

My mom said that I had a tantrum... once. It was at home. She couldn't get me to stop, so she threw a glass of water on me. I guess I was so shocked, I never did it again.

Andrea

OMG I am cracking up here I can totally see your mom doing that and what a great idea i bet it would totally work..

 

[CKC]

I don't have kids, so can't relate to you there.

My mom said that I had a tantrum... once. It was at home. She couldn't get me to stop, so she threw a glass of water on me. I guess I was so shocked, I never did it again.

Andrea

Now that is something I might have to try.

 

[backwoodsnanny]

When my son was 2 1/2 -3 he also would throw tantrums out in public and I would just walk away from him and make sure I got out of his sight while I could still see him as soon as I was out of his sight he would magically stop or should I say as soon as he realized mom was gone. He would look around trying to find me then a new look would cross his face like Wow mom left me. As soon as I saw that look I would return and start over doing what shopping I needed to do. It only took twice before he started behaving in a store and would say as we entered you wont leave me will you mom. No as long as you are nice to be with I wont leave you. Did the same at home when a tantrum started I would leave the room as soon as he had no one to impress or push buttons for he would stop. A very wise pediatrician of the day told me about this trick and sure enough it worked. Just make sure you can see him and let him draw whatever attention he will. He will stop as soon as he figures out mom is gone.

 

[wade3504]

I don't have children but taught quite a few 3 year old classrooms. Even if in public you can stand to ignore it do so. You said that your child knows it bothers you well they usually do it for a reaction. If there's no reaction then it's not worth it for them. It's hard but I'd try not to worry about what others think.

Amanda

 

[pamk]

Oh...I long for the tantrum days....just wait until you have a teenager!! :no:

The best advice is that it will pass...you quickly learn not to worry what others thinks...just ignore the behavior and if it escalates just quietly and calmly remove the child from the situation...pain in the a** sometimes ( you are at the park, mall, McDonalds, etc. and have to leave in the middle of everything) but it only takes a couple of times and they will learn not to throw tantrums! Hopefully

 

[Littleum]

Not a parent either- never had the joy of being a nanny for toddlers either. I can live without that delight. 0_o

But my mom tells the story that once (when I was about 3) I was being AWFUL in the grocery line, as usual. I was a horror to take anywhere. Couldn't leave the line, obviously, so she had to ride it out.

She said she was trying to ignore me (I hate being ignored- it's a tactic that has NEVER worked for me) and caught the sympathetic eye of an older woman behind us.

The older woman (so the story goes) pinned me with a stare and said (in a big voice) "YOU ARE A VERY NAUGHTY GIRL, AREN'T YOU? I GUESS YOU LIKE SPANKINGS!"

Mom says my eyes got huge, the mouth shut and I never had another tantrum in public again.

Food for thought?

 

[Casnos Minis]

[SIZE=14pt]I have a 3 year old foster daughter and I bet she can out tantrum any kid on here. She went on a tantrum spree for 4 hours. There is no calming her. SHe'll kick, scream, bite(sometimes or try to), slam her had on the door or the wall, hit and kick the door and throw herself on the ground. If we are in public we have to leave no if and's or buts about it. At home she's supposed to do the time out in a corners, but that never works anymore. It used to when she first came to us, but not now. I've tried holding her she'll try and hit you in the face with her head. We usually have the tantrums after a visit with mom, and I've told the her social worker, my social worker, and her lawyer that these visits aren't good for her. We can handle the tantrum, but not someone with a short fuse. She had one tonight as a matter of fact over bed time. When she does it at bed time we spend time outside so my other kids can go to sleep.[/SIZE]

Christy

 

[Chico]

I was a preschool teacher before I had kids and then I had kids of my own. No expert, but here's my advice. Warning, this advice will feel like a punishment to you. :bgrin Do not reward your childs behavior with attention. Before the tantrum occurs explain to your child the rules about tantrums. Even have them help you write them up and post them on the frig. Do this when there isn't a problem. If the problem occurs in public tell your child that they/you need to leave now. Here's the hard part, YOU DO IT. Sit in the parking lot until their in control, explain why you left and what behavior you expect. GO HOME after this talk. It may take a few times, but you will change the behavior. I had to leave a cart full of grocerys once. Never had the problem at the grocery store again. Your child seeks attention, even the negative kind. When your child does well at the store give them a secret surprise. No bribery, the treat is of your choice and after you leave the store. Maybe in the car. Don't reward everytime. Good behavior is expected, but treats are for special effort. Todders have a hard time with self control, and it's the age. They also want to be independent in their thinking. Give them choices as much as possible but let them know that sometimes your just the boss. Limit the choices to two. Do you want to wear pink or blue?, for example. Don't worry about others. . . Most parents really do understand and have kind thoughts for you. Really! Good luck.

chico