dixie_belle
Well-Known Member
You know, when I had my children, years ago, I pictured them all one day growing up, having children of their own and being the doting grandmom. As it turns out, things don't always go according to plan. I won't go into the particulars, but I just celebrated my 50th birthday last week and now I have my grandaughter living with me. Now she is a real darling child, born last September so that makes her 10 months old. She is sweet, and cute and absolutely smiles all the time. I love having her here, as does my sweet hubbie (who is not the actual grandfather). I don't know how long I will have temporary custody as my daughter is not in a position to care for her. I got the call last Friday evening that I had to pick her up or she would be going to CPS, which I simply couldn't let happen. So after picking up Lily we had to go to Wal Mart for a gigantic shopping spree as I have no baby items at all at my house. Monday I had to hire someone to come to the house to watch her all day so I could go to work. I work for a mortgage company and July 31 was cut off and I am not allowed to miss work. Tuesday I took the day off and spent the day getting her caught up on her shots as those weren't current, getting her registered in an accredited day care, and generally getting used to being a mom all over again. Well, I now know why only young people have babies! I'm exhausted. I work all day and then rush home to get Lily from the daycare before they close and do the dinner thing, baths are done in the kitchen sink as I don't think this old back could take leaning over the tub. The sad thing is that I have absolutely no idea how long this situation will last. We take it one day at a time. Lily needs some stability, which we are providing. She couldn't be more loved than she is at present. And every now and then, I dream of having her permanently here and then I think about our age and how old we will be when she graduates from high school and it is just so sad. And we won't even go into the getting attached thing. Her little face just lights up when she sees me come to get her in the evenings.
Everyone here is so helpful and kind and I just am feeling very.......um........much like a failure. How could my daughter have turned out like this? Certainly nothing in her upbringing taught her to be like this. I can't help feeling 100% to blame as my husband at the time was a work aholic and so I was, in essence, a single mom even though I was married. Sigh. I keep thinking maybe I can redeem myself by doing better this time with my grandaughter and then in the same breath thinking what if i fail again?
It is sad to think of poor Lily living with old coots like us instead of a wonderful young mom and dad.
And my company won't put her on my insurance since the situation isn't "legal", and my daughter let her medicaid card expire and we don't qualify because of our income. So Lily is uninsured.
And we won't even go into the cost of day care, formula, clothes, beds, high chairs, strollers, etc. etc.
I haven't said anything to my coworkers, naturally since it is none of their business. My neighbors know since they see me coming and going with a baby. And they have been wonderful. They have all volunteered to help if need be.
I guess I'm just venting a bit. Even with all the loss of sleep, the expense and the work, when she puts those chubby little arms up for me......i melt! I actually took her to walmart today for the $3 portrait special and ended up ordering lots more. Naturally. LOL
Anyway, I just had to "talk" to someone. It's so difficult, not knowing how long she'll be here. And trying desperately not to get too attached. Like you can stop that from happening. Buying cute little outfits and then wondering if I'll ever get to see her in them. Trying to plan ahead....do I start buying winter clothes or will she be someplace else by then?
Gotta go, thanks for letting me type.
Shelley
Everyone here is so helpful and kind and I just am feeling very.......um........much like a failure. How could my daughter have turned out like this? Certainly nothing in her upbringing taught her to be like this. I can't help feeling 100% to blame as my husband at the time was a work aholic and so I was, in essence, a single mom even though I was married. Sigh. I keep thinking maybe I can redeem myself by doing better this time with my grandaughter and then in the same breath thinking what if i fail again?
It is sad to think of poor Lily living with old coots like us instead of a wonderful young mom and dad.
And my company won't put her on my insurance since the situation isn't "legal", and my daughter let her medicaid card expire and we don't qualify because of our income. So Lily is uninsured.
And we won't even go into the cost of day care, formula, clothes, beds, high chairs, strollers, etc. etc.
I haven't said anything to my coworkers, naturally since it is none of their business. My neighbors know since they see me coming and going with a baby. And they have been wonderful. They have all volunteered to help if need be.
I guess I'm just venting a bit. Even with all the loss of sleep, the expense and the work, when she puts those chubby little arms up for me......i melt! I actually took her to walmart today for the $3 portrait special and ended up ordering lots more. Naturally. LOL
Anyway, I just had to "talk" to someone. It's so difficult, not knowing how long she'll be here. And trying desperately not to get too attached. Like you can stop that from happening. Buying cute little outfits and then wondering if I'll ever get to see her in them. Trying to plan ahead....do I start buying winter clothes or will she be someplace else by then?
Gotta go, thanks for letting me type.
Shelley