What is the DEAL with people?

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Well-Known Member
Dec 21, 2002
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Ok, I am on SSI, because of my mental health. I was told by my doctor I needed it, and it was his office that made it all happen. I only had to apply once, was never turned down, as I understand many are. I didnt apply untill almost 10 years after my diagnosis. I have a very poor work history, due to my illness. I can get any job, and be fine for a bit, then stress catches up to me, and sends me spiralling down into a black nothing.

So, I have new friends here on the island. These are not best friend types, but people I can call to do something with, or they come hang out at my place, so on and so forth. I have known them a couple of months. They know I get SSI. They know I have a mental illness....

But do tell me why does my boyfriend come home telling me so and so (friend) said you need to get off your butt and get a job, or that I am taking advantage of Chris, my boyfriend....

Backing up here... I was living on a ranch paying my own way before I moved to the island with Chris at his request. He know and we agreed that he would pay the rent. No big deal back then. I pay for EVERYTHING else I need, even food. CHris and I keep out of each others affairs, especially money.

So I know that the taking advantage of CHris comes from the fact that I bet he complains about having to pay rent. Chris and I have been living together well over a year. For that first year, I supported HIM entirely. I never complained.

So why in the heck fire does someone who knows me, knows I am ill, complain about me getting SSI and not working? I dont just get it from friends, even the park manager has made comments to Chris. Jeeze, I live ENTIRELY on 272.00 a month. Thats it. Do they think I want to be poor, go hungry half of the time? I dont like it, but I cant change it, really. I cant even volunteer someplace, it stresses me out too much too.

After I heard what two friends said about me needing a job and so on, I sent them each an email, telling them what I thought, how much they hurt me so on. I think they got the picture, but I might have lost the friendship because of it. I just dont know.


Whew, feel a little bit better now. SOrry about the yelling!


Well-Known Member
Mar 16, 2006
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Southern Ca
I'm sorry you're having such a hard time with so-called friends. Unfortunately, everyone has opinions, and if people don't understand something fully, they tend to judge others unfairly. Stay strong, explain things to them (only as far as your comfortable telling), and allow them to have their own opinions. Just because THEY feel you should have a job, doesn't mean you CAN have a job. Keep your head up.


Well-Known Member
Nov 15, 2004
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Central Missouri
I've come to believe that unfair criticism from a friend means that person isn't really a friend....merely an acquaintance.


Well-Known Member
Nov 30, 2002
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I don't even need to know all of the details..........Anyone who bad mouths you behind your back is NOT a friend. Period. If a "friend" is doing that, what do you suppose your ENEMIES are doing????


Well-Known Member
Jun 8, 2005
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Your situation reminds me a lot of a good friend of mine's. She was also receiving SSI after her Type I diabetes became debilitating. I met her in college and watched firsthand as her condition spiraled out of control. She was down to 90-lbs. and had been in and out of the hospital before she gave up on school and her job and went on SSI. She had to move cross-country back to her mom to get the help and support she needed to become well again, and when she started to look better, the people around her started to judge her too. She told me when she called the company overseeing her student loans to try to change the payment plan, some smart*** kid had the nerve to tell her she was too young to be on SSI and should get herself a job. This girl almost died. It eats at me just thinking about it--and the same goes for your situation.

I agree with Donna and Maryann--these people weren't your friends in the first place. Stay strong!

Reijel's Mom

Well-Known Member
Feb 7, 2006
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Conroy, IA
I am really sorry for your illness and your situation. Those people don't sound like good friends to me, and it sounds like there are some issues with your bf as well if he's telling you these things? I mean, I somehow doubt if people just randomly say these negative things about you unless there is some reason they feel that he would be receptive to hearing these things. I'm pretty sure no one would dare to say anything bad about me to my husband, and vice versa.

I will say, there are a lot of folks out there that DO take advantage of this system. That might be part of the reason people get kind of mean about it. I can tell you I get a little bitter about it. It IS very hard to work 50-60 hour work weeks to make ends meet and to pay for a few small luxuries (my critters) and then see others that could be working, at least part-time, that choose not to, and know that part of your hard earned money is going to them. And I'm not referring to you - mental illness is REAL. But as a social worker I do see a lot of people taking advantage of this system, and it makes me very angry - for my sake, for the people who truly need it, for our whole country, actually.

Now (and no need to answer this question here) have you looked into why you are getting such a low amount? That sum you quoted is considerably lower than what folks on my caseload get that have no other income. But I am NOT an expert in SSI - not that kind of social worker, it just happens that many of my clients are on that funding source.


Well-Known Member
Sep 10, 2003
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Now in Virginia
What MA said!!

People think that if you look normal, you are ok in everyway and just being lazy. I feel for you, though I have a different issue.. I have had people tell me they can't see anything wrong with me, I still have to use a cane, still can't walk far, even though I keep trying.. am no longer falling but I do loose my balance a lot, legally handicapped as per Oregon laws. (Haven't bothered with SSI because right now I do not need to..am very lucky in that respect. DH brings home the baccon.) I don't like being like this.,, didn't ask for this problem either but is sadly what was dealt to me.

Even though it is very hard,, you just have to learn to ignore people like that. They haven't lived your life, nor been through what you have. I find some folks don't like to be around anyone with any kind of issue and will make it unpleasent for you because it makes them feel better. Sigh ~~

Sorry you have to go through that... I know it is hard, just ignore them.
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Well-Known Member
Jul 8, 2006
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I would have to say they aren't really friends. I am sure that doesn't make it hurt any less though
. The old saying, walk a mile in my shoes.


Well-Known Member
Dec 21, 2002
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Thank you everyone. Deep down inside I know what you have said is true. I know my REAL GOOD FRIENDS would never ever say such things. But starting friendships, such as I am, as I just moved here, is hard. I know there are ups and downs along the way until everyone finds their place.

It is really NO skin off of my nose if my friendships with these people do not develop into a true friendship. I have always been good at reading people, and I know more about them than they realize or let me see. I know that true friends do come along, and I also know that there are great friends in my life, that I have never met (LB)

As for my SSI, I know it is so very little. I do not know why, and I have tried to get more, but it never helps.

It is NOT that I dont want to work. Its just that most employers do not care to hire someone that might be Ill alot. Plus I am VERY limited on how much income I can bring in with my SSI. Now for the good news! I stopped in at a little dog grooming shop here on the island. And walked out with a part time job!!!!! The lady who owns and runs it is understanding about my health, and its not going to be a typical job. I can work when and how much I feel up to doing. SHe calls if she needs me, and if I am up to it, well I go in. SO thanks to whomever said a prayer for me, It worked!

My B/F.... Well he is young, this is his first relationship, and he has yet to learn all of the ropes. I know he opens the door to other people, his complaints or just mentioning something I did invites others to chime in and add to the fire. I dont have all of my eggs in his basket.....

ANyways, Thanks for the support!!!!

Buckskin gal

Well-Known Member
Apr 27, 2005
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A friend sent this to me today and says so very much about judging others. Sometimes people become bitter for their own reasons ans even they may have something going on with them.

'Some people!' snorted a man standing behind me in the long line at the

grocery store.

'You would think the manager would pay attention and open another line,

'said a woman.

I looked to the front of the line to see what the hold up was and saw a well

dressed, young woman, trying to get the machine to accept her credit card. No

matter how many times

she swiped it, the machine kept rejecting it.

'It's one of them welfare card things. darn people need to get a job

like everyone else,' said the man standing behind me.

The young woman turned around to see who had made the comment. 'It was

me,' he said,

pointing to himself.

The young lady's face began to change expression. Almost in tears, she

dropped the welfare card onto the counter and quickly walked out of the store.

Everyone in the checkout line watched as she began running to her car. Never

looking back, she got in and drove away.

After developing cancer in 1977 and having had to use food stamps; I had

learned never to judge anyone, without knowing the circumstances of their life.

This turned out to be the case today.

Several minutes later a young man walked into the store. He went up to the

cashier and asked if she had seen the woman. After describing her, the cashier

told him that she had run out of the store, got into her car, and drove away.

'Why would she do that?' asked the man. Everyone in the line looked

around at the fellow who had made the statement.

'I made a stupid comment about the welfare card she was using. Something

I shouldn't

have said. I'm sorry,' said the man.

'Well, that's bad, real bad, in fact. Her brother was killed in

Afghanistan two years ago. He had three young children and she has taken on

that responsibility. She's twenty years old, single, and now has three

children to support,' he said in a very firm voice.

'I'm really truly sorry. I didn't know,' he replied, shaking

both his hands about.

The young man asked, 'Are these paid for?' pointing to the shopping

cart full of groceries.

'It wouldn't take her card,' the clerk told him.

'Do you know where she lives?' asked the man who had made the comment.

'Yes, she goes to our church.'

'Excuse me,' he said as he made his way to the front of the line. He

pulled out his wallet, took out his credit card and told the cashier,

'Please use my card. PLEASE!'

The clerk took his credit card and began to ring up the young woman's


'Hold on,' said the gentleman. He walked back to his shopping cart and

began loading his own groceries onto the belt to be included. 'Come on

people. We got three kids to help raise!' he told everyone in line.

Everyone began to place their groceries onto the fast moving belt. A few

customers began bagging the food and placing it into separate carts.

'Go back and get two big turkeys,' yelled a heavyset woman, as she

looked at the man.

'NO,' yelled the man. Everyone stopped dead in their tracks. The

entire store became

quiet for several seconds. 'Four turkeys,' yelled the man. Everyone

began laughing and went back to work.

When all was said and done, the man paid a total of $1,646.57 for the

groceries. He then walked over to the side, pulled out his check book, and

began writing a check using the bags of dog food piled near the front of the

store for a writing surface. He turned around and handed the check to the young

man. 'She will need a freezer and a few other things as well,' he told

the man.

The young man looked at the check and said, 'This is really very generous

of you.'

'No,' said the man. 'Her brother was the generous one.'

Everyone in the store had been observing the odd commotion and began to clap.

And I drove home that day feeling very American.

We live in the Land of the free, because of the Brave!!! Remember our Troops

of Yesterday and Today!!!

A great example of why we should be kind and patient.

Kindness is the language the blind can see and the deaf can hear.

May God's many blessings continue to be with you - ALWAYS!!!





Well-Known Member
Jun 6, 2004
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Donie TX
We have invisible dissabilities, just because you cannot see them, doesnt mean they arent there. Here is a good website, go take a read Spoon Theory that is a new format, in case I didnt get it right, the website is butyoudontlooksick.com

In a few bad arguements hubby told me I needed to get off my arse and work. The third time I asked him if he was brave enough to say it again, I had a quart jar in my hand and he had a target on his face
He apologized later and told me that he was just frustrated. I told him, yeah, guess how I feel and that for him to say that to me, there had to be some truth to the matter. Like you, i do pay bills as well and tend everything here, plus do all the accounting for the house as well as his shop. People just dont get it is all.

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