What do I do?

[Riverrose28]

I need help from those of you that think with your head and not your heart. One of my daughters and her husband and son moved in with us this past Jan. he lost his job and she has medical problems, he is still not working permantly, only here and there, they also have a four year old son, four dogs and two cats. They do help with some groceries, and buy pet food once in a while. I'm paying for all the rest inclucding vet care and advantage treatments, as I don't want fleas. Then ther is my farm help that was also homless, he has cancer and lost his job and his health care and because of siezures can't drive. So I take him to his DR. appointments, etc, and he sleeps on my couch and helps me on a daily basis when he can. So that means I now have four homeless living in my home, and that means higher electric, more in paper products, gas, etc., but the help is appreciated as far as cutting firewood, whatever.

Here's the new problem! I'm a softy, and feel real bad for this kid, My daughter says her friends are breaking up after six months of living in a camper. Husband can't take it any more! Well BOOHOO! I don't don't know why they lost their home, but they are my age and are caring for their 11 year old Grandson, because Mom is an addict. They were living in the walmart parking lot, but only had so much time and then had to leave, now they are in someones driveway. She just asked me if the Grandmom and grandson could plug in their camper here. I've been saying NO, but now, I'm thinking poor kid. Winter is coming on fast, he will need heat, and where would they shower? I'm so conflicted as I've always helped the homless but I feel I'm at my limit. Poor kid must feel so deprived. Should I even bring this up to hubby, or just say NO definantly and let it go as someones elses problem. I tend to be too compassionate and think with my heart.

 

[Reignmaker Miniatures]

Well I can't say I am the one to answer this since I tend to lead with my heart as well but I think you need to consider that if you over extend yourself you may loose the very thing you have to offer, stability. I don't know what the social programs available in the US are but here one would be inclined to tell them to speak to social services. You can not be every ones saviour, no matter how big your heart is your bank account will probably not keep up. Those you have in your home now are your family and that is different, you do the best you can for family but you will not be helping anyone if you can't pay your bills. I say put yourself and your family first here, listen to the worries and concerns of the others, offer a shoulder to lean on and a hug but say no to allowing them to move in. Tell them you are sorry but you are struggling to meet the demands placed on you now and can not handle even one more expense. In short share your love and concern but not your resources.

 

[Riverrose28]

Thanks for the advice, my youngest daughter pretty much said the same thing. I don't know this woman from ADam, just keep thinking of the poor child. Yes I think I will tell my other daughter to have them check in with Social Services and maybe that will put my mind at ease. At least I won't forsake them. Thank you!

 

[Jill]

Instead of deciding to ask your husband about if you should let them or not, is it something you could just explain to him and then ask him could he decide what you two should or shouldn't do?

That way it takes it off your shoulders (you can only do so much and OMG, you are already doing SO MUCH!)... Instead of being upset / emotional trying to decide what to do, you just decide how to deal with a choice he can make for you.

Maybe that helps? I hope so...

Good luck.

 

[Field-of-Dreams]

You ARE at your limit. Any more and you will break. There are programs out there to help this woman. I'm sorry, I say no. You aren't running a shelter.

 

[CZP1]

Sounds like you are at your limit. I would say no, just be honest. You have to look out for you and your family!

 

[lucky seven]

If you keep saying yes to everyone in need, then you are putting your family at risk. Especially with people you don't know, you have to keep your family safe first. I agree there are gov't agencies to take care of this problem. Good luck. You do have a big, good heart but take care of your family and four legged critters first.

 

[Ashley]

Honestly, I would give your daughter and son ex amount of time before they need to be out. He is able body and could be working. I also would be telling them its time yo find the pets a home. If they can't pay there way or at least so half a shot at helping you they shouldn't have pets.

Lastly its not the kids fault. I would agree to help pit the lady, but pit some stipulations on it and a time frame when they need to be gone.

Lastly as for the farm help o would also be trying to get him state help or family help. O would assume he is considered disabled if they are bad enough he can't drive. There would be lots of assistance to help him including housing.

If you don't put your foot down especially with the young and able chances are they will take for as long as they can.

 

[minisch]

I finally had to put my foot down and be the "Bad Guy" as too many people were taking advantage of me. I liked Jill's idea at first, but I think honestly people are starting to take advantage of you. Talk with your husband too.

 

[Rhondaalaska]

I agree. You should put limits on your son in law. He is able to work. Therefore he should do so. If they can't take care of thier pets they shouldn't have any. You need to take care of your self first. If you don't set limits they will never see a need to take care of them selves. Because you will do it for them. Your help should look at getting services from the state. The lady and kid as well. I hope the best for you. Just don't let your heart lead you to a place that you will be the one needing help.

 

[Lizzie]

Riverrose, I think you are putting yourself in grave danger of some health issues, with all the stress laid now at your feet. All these people, including your daughter and son-in-law, should be able to apply for and get, state aid. Your son-in-law and daughter, definitely will, because of the child. Those with young children always are approved first with government aid. If they have not applied, why not? I remember when they moved in, and with the dogs and a pregnant Corgi. Why have they not found suitable homes for their pets? It's been a while. Time to put your foot down, m'dear.

Lizzie

 

[Riverrose28]

Well last night I spoke to my youngest daughter again, and a friend that was also in this situation and made a decision. I thank all of you for your advice and you are right. We can't take on any more. We are going to tell this woman that we already have too much responsabilty and ask her to check with social services for aid. I even can give her directions. Thanks to all of you, you've been a big help.