Update on hubby & me

[Sonya]

I'm wishing you the best, I hope he doesn't go back on his word...but it happens alot. Yes, do all this quickly before he has time to change his mind. He DOES owe you and his daughters everything he promised (and more), so I'm keeping my fingers crossed. As others have said, I wouldn't trust an iota of what comes out of his mouth. And if you can afford it, I'd go for a lawyer as well.

I would hope that no judge in his/her right mind would grant alimony to someone who was unfaithful...doesn't commitment mean anything these days????

I fully expect his new relationship to go absolutely no where as you and others have said.

 

[babygoose]

I thankfully have no personal experience with this but a good friend is going through something similar. This friend is financially ruined because of it. She trusted her husband even though he was having an affair while still with her. Next thing she knows he charges $500 dollars on a credit card to take the girlfriend for a weekend getaway. He is not paying any bills he said he would pay, they are both in deep debt and he has ruined her credit. She is finally getting her divorce papers in order. So don't trust him at all with anything. Protect yourself and your children however you can. Talk to a lawyer about what you need to do to be safe financially.

Be strong. You'll be okay when this is finally all over.

 

[anoki]

Ohhhhh, I am sooo, soooo sorry to read this.....

I don't think I can add anything than what has already been said. I do hope you keep in touch with his mother (as long as there is a good relationship there to begin with) for the sake of your children.....that is of course, if they want the relationship.

I could write you a long novel about what is going on with my grandparents....and they've been married well over 60 years

.....but I will save that for another time......

It's just soo sad....especially when it comes out of nowhere, and soo many times it seems to.

((((hugs)))) to you...please take care...I hope this is sorted soon for you

~kathryn

 

[Denise]

Well you know how I feel about this whole situation. I hope he is having a hard time swallowing.

Hang in there!

 

[lvponies]

Denise.....

 

[RJRMINIS]

[SIZE=12pt]Kim {{{HUGS}}} to you! I am sorry he did this to you. But you sound very strong and prepared to do what you need to do. Hang in there![/SIZE]

 

[AppyLover2]

Having him around would have been like a cancer, eating away at my soul.

Bunnylady that was definitely a powerful statement. And it brings back such painful memories.
Kim I hope you don't mind one more comment. As far as any type of revenge or getting even is concerned please remember that the example you're setting for your daughters is one of strength....hopefully you'll continue to exhibit personal integrity too. Your daughters are learning from you during this time and the example you're setting will guide them through the rest of their lives. Please continue to conduct yourself in a manner that will allow both you and your girls to be proud of the way you handled things.

 

[Matt73]

I don't know what the laws are like over there, but if he was unfaithful wouldn't that basically mean you wouldn't owe him a dime -no alimony-. If you did, that's darn unfair.

 

[lvponies]

Definitely need to call a locksmith tomorrow!!!! Bethany and I went to the gym. We stopped at the store on the way back and as we were leaving, he was arriving at the store. Didn't look at us or even act like he noticed us, but I know him and he did know we were there. Anyway got home and the little piece of paper I put in the front door was gone, so knew he'd been in the house. Came in and it was like he had acted like a little boy to make us aware he had been here. Toilet seat was up, papers next to my desk were rearranged, things in the master bedroom were moved around. Yep....wanted to make dern sure we knew he was here!!! Bethany is upset and says he's stupid. Says I should call him to tell him not to come into the house and give his key back. Says he's the one who hurt us, so why is he doing this to us? I told her it's better not to get in a fight with him as I know that's probably why he did it. It's better to just call the locksmith and get the locks changed. I WILL do that tomorrow!!! Hopefully someone can come out tomorrow and do it for me. He is such a childish jerk!!! He IS the one at fault here. We didn't do anything to deserve the way he treated us!!!!

 

[susanne]

Kim, I am so sorry to read what you are going through.

I respect greatly how you have acted with honor and integrity and the good of your children through all of this, yet I worry that your trust that he is still a good man will hurt you in the end.

By all means continue to act with dignity and honesty, but at the same time protect yourself legally against all the terrible things that he could do.

Do not leave the house again until those locks are changed.

Tell him if he comes on the property without 24 hours notice you will get a restraining order.

Don't wait longer than this next paycheck to get your name off of that truck, one way or another. Don't wait around for him to sell it.

Even with a divorce kit, I would run it past an attorney to make certain you are protected. This sounds like divorce on training wheels, and you cannot afford any mistakes.

As others said, go to a DIFFERENT bank; don't just have a separate account at the same bank.

Take a good, hard look at what he could have taken or gained access to when he was in your house. He could do so much harm -- a friend's ex broke into their/her house and stole the hard drive from her computer, which nearly destroyed her business.

It is clear that you've placed great importance on believing in his goodness, but he has proven that he is not a good man. Demand proof on EVERYTHING. You need an advocate, someone who is knowledgeable about all the things he can do to you and your daughters.

Please take care,

susanne

 

[CyndiM]

So many have given you good sound advise; I will only add listen to them he can NOT be trusted any more, if he feels your actions are going to hurt his relationship with his floozy he will retaliate aganist YOU.

Do not trust him any longer he has proven to you he no longer has the intregerty and honesty you have always thought him to have.

((((HUGS)))) Stay strong you and the girls can get through this.

 

[nootka]

I am so sorry for all that you've been through, but you are sounding so strong and resolved and I admire you for that.

My best wishes to you...

Liz

 

[The Simple Life Farm]

Been there, done that!!!!!

I will repeat what others have said, thinking if you hear it enough, you will know how really, really important that it is:

* Get your locks changed ASAP

* Get an attorney, you have children involved (divorce in-a-box won't do when you have kids, you don't want to takes chances with your girls)

* Don't ever trust another word he says

* Seperate your finances ASAP (loans, utilities, etc)

* Look out only for you and the girls.....screw him and his feelings!!!

* If he comes on your property, get a restraining order (let him know you are not fooling around, you mean business)

Seriously.... DO NOT PUT ANY OF THIS OFF!!!!! You have gotten some very good advice, learn from others that have had the misfortune to have gone through this.

I am so sorry you are having to go through this, but I think your anger will work in your favor right now. If you get phone call in the future from his creditors, give them his cell number, or call them now and give it to them. I would also give the his work address as his new home address!!!!

Now my mean streak comes out.... since I don't have kids, I would find out who this other woman is, and then proceed to tell her boyfriend!!! But, you have girls, and do need to set an example. (Maybe you could just send him some pictures, or a letter).

Good luck and keep us posted... we are here for you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[jdomep]

Kim,

I am so sorry

I watched my mom go through this and you will make it just fine - theroad will be rough but the light at the end of this tunnel is a bright one. Your girls will be better women for watching their mom persevere with strength and dignity to be the best mom she can be.

And it will be VERY difficult for your girls to trust there dad again (and he doesn't have a clue that they may never respect him as long as he lives). My dad did this to mom 30 years ago and when he died 4 years ago I more mourned for the fact I was never able to tell him how it felt when he did that... I did love him but he knew the day he left - he lost All my respect and our relationship was never the same

Lost it all for a "little" on the side...

My thoughts and prayers are with you!

 

[MiniforFaith]

Kim,

I am very sadden, and sorry to read what you are going threw. I went down this same road 10 yrs ago with my hubby. It was his sister's best friend who was also married..Her hubby came to my mom's( I moved back in with her with my 2 yr old at the time) and put a gun to my head in front of my son.. Because I was spreading rumors about his wife. They were not rumors, I caught them red handed one night after I moved out.. But after the divorce papers were delivered, she stopped all contact with him. The sister got what she wanted, and their "relationship" was over.

It is a very hard situtation.. You just have to stay strong for you and your girls.. Your actions already show that you are very strong.. Please do get your locks changed. For the safety and well fare of you and the girls. When the men are doing something like this- they already lost your trust. And they feel like they can still do what ever they want and will try to continue to do so. My hubby didn't try this with me, but a ex boyfriend did. I had to do the whole restraining order thing..

I ended up back with my husband and we remarried 3 yrs later. I still have major issues with him. I thought over the years, my feelings of hurt and mistrust would get better, but it hasn't.. She really burnt him, and he isn't close to his sister anymore. But our relationship was forever changed. The only thing that

came from us getting remarried is my dear sweet daughter, Faith.. The rest, well i still am not sure..I did what everyone else wanted and thought was best.. But I am not, and will never be truely happy..You can't be after going threw something like that.

But it has made me very strong.. I live for my children..

So, I know I went way off your topic. You can do this

YOu have your inner strength, and pull from that. Please, Please do get a lawyer. With the girls, all the money aspects, and your property. It would be in your best interest if you get everything taking care of with help..And please do change your locks ASAP..

Keep your chin up, and know that he is the one loosing everything.. The mistake he will be paying for the rest of his life..

 

[Jeannie B]

Kim, I couldn't say anymore than what the other's here have said.

Please take what they say seriously Kim!

I have to admit that way back when this first started I, like Mary Lou thought he was'nt being truthful!

Having been through this a couple times I learned that in the beginning of a failed relationship people involved are as nice as pie. Take advantage of this Kim because right now he feels guilty but soon once he gets his courage up it can get bad. Get him while he's got guilt!!!!!

Like everyone else says, GET A LAWYER!!!!

Sit down and make a list of the things you want and while he is in this vulnerable state get him to sign your demands.

Might sound mean but hey he didn't care about what he has done to you and your family!

My neighbor is going through a simular problem. The wife left in this case and everything was nicey nicey at first. She said she didn't want anything at first. Now she is going for everything!!!!

I feel that once the person leaves and starts NOT feeling guilty anymore they will stop at nothing to get what they want!

I think he was being nice to you because he knows what he could lose if you found out!

He's not all that stupid because he found a way to make you believe everything he said!

You are a strong woman and I don't think your going to let him get away with this so please forget the instant lawyer and get a real one! Maybe even make an appointment for a consiltation with one to see where you stand.

We are all behind you Kim!

 

[minie812]

If your soon to be Ex came back into YOUR home while you were away, I would get a restraining order NOW...no matter how you think he will behave it is obvious that he is not thinking clearly. I believed my first hubby and all his crap and did not get a restraining order on him and he ended up breaking down my door and beating on me for about two hours (the kids were in school & he had broke up with his lil GF) so he was mad and took it out on me...do not think that he would NEVER do that because I thought the same way and BOOM....it can happen!

 

[bfogg]

Kim,

I am very sorry for the awful hurt you and your poor girls are going through.

He well could have been a good man when he was actually thinking with his brain but when this happens they stop thinking with their brain and start just thinking with another part of their anatomy not known for it's ahem........intelligence.

And they will, as my mother said, cut out their own mothers heart and walk over her dead body to get to the piece of trash they are ...well you know.

So my point is he's not the man you know he is a piece of walking hormones.

Now not to trash all men( i love them and most are wonderful) i am lucky to have one.

A woman will do the same thing. And I cannot and will never understand how a woman can tear apart another womans family?How do they live with themselves?

Anyway, I have been so lucky.

But Kim listen to the great advice of those on here who have been there.

And remember you are awesome!!!

Hugs

Bonnie

 

[Shortpig]

Not having read thru the all the posts I would like to add that the kit you have, be careful to require he supply medical insurance for children to continue till they graduate from college. He apparently has a good job and this shouldn't be an issue for him. He also needs to be responsible for any additional bills that come with their medical. I agree totally with the others, don't wait, hit him while he still feels somewhat guilty to sign and agree. Keep in mind he is probably getting major input from the other woman. Who knows what she wants from the relationship. After my separation from hubby he was nice enough to write me a letter threatening to drive the new vehicle you know where. Well, everyone knows never put it in writing. That letter was so used to my advantage. I got the house, I got the furniture I wanted he got the new vehicle with the hefty monthly payments. I got the restraining order against him. I got the dogs which were a blessing for me and my daughter to have. You might see if you can retain a lawyer that will go after him for all cost involved considering he is the one that moved out and took a new partner prior to any divorce

being filed. It is totally 100% his fault at this point. That shirt he is wearing should be yours. Let the new woman buy him a new one. She wanted him afterall. As you do not know her or her boyfriend. I advise you to stay away from their relationship. He will figure it out. You do not need to create what could be a very

dangerous situation for you and yours. Best of luck. Been there done that and life as a single person is so

much better. We were so much happier after a time and all the stress was gone.

 

[lvponies]

Allen called me this afternoon to see how we're doing. Asked if I needed round bales put out for the horses which I did and then he came up and put them out for me. He sent Bethany a text message saying that he was sorry for hurting her and that he will love her forever. I think she appreciated that as he hasn't talked to her at all about our situation. He was really nice while here. Said he would bring by the truck payment this weekend. He's staying with his younger sister who went through almost the exact same scenario I'm going through. She lived with a man for 15 years, raised his children for him and they were building a beautiful brick home. The man cheated on her and Allen's sister never got to live in the brick house. His sister lives directly across from their parents.

No.....I haven't let my guard down at all, but it was the old nice Allen who was here today. I will stay on guard and work on everything I'm supposed to be working on. The locksmith did come today and put a keyed dead bolt on the front door. Allen didn't comment on it.

He did say that he's hoping to hold onto his truck. Will need to get a loan in only his name so I'm not responsible for it if he decides to do that.