Selling your whole herd

[wade3504]

My husband has tried to tell me that our two horses are the root of all of our issues and I do say ours as nobody is perfect so I do things he doesn't like and he does things I don't like. He told me that we needed to sell them (still paying for one) and I told him just as soon as he sold his boat and four wheeler I'd get right on it. He hasn't ever mentioned selling them again.

I understand that family comes first but you are part of that family.

I live in an apartment and at one time boarded four minis so there is no reason to get rid of all. We can travel and my husband does nothing with the horses unless he so chooses.

Since you said he didn't give you the ultimatum of him or the horses, just that he didn't want them anymore, have you talked with him about downsizing?

Amanda

 

[Tapestry Minis]

My husband and I have been through these kind of conversations but he has never told me I had to get rid of them all or it was over. He has never and said he would never tell me they had to go because he knows how much of a passion it is for me. I know that through the last two years with all the losses we've had has been though on me which in turn makes it tough on him. He does not like to see me so up happy especially when dealing with something that is supposed to bring me happiness.

Just a thought but maybe with how hard you took the few losses this year he doesn't want to see you tear yourself up constantly about what happened since things like that in this business just happen. Or maybe he is tired of hearing about something that couldn't be helped. As my husband has explained it to me if you just focus on the bad and are not happy about the good why do it?

I think some re-evaluation and as most have said some counseling are in order.

 

[tagalong]

Most men think with their wallets. I have to wonder if having horses is draining your finances. We all know they surely can and the bills with owning horses just keep on coming. Did you perhaps tell hubby that if he invested in horses for you that you would reap good profits? Is it possible that maybe he thought breeding horses was going to put him on Easy Street?

Melissa - I agree with Marty.... perhaps you need to look at the big picture. A few pages back, kaykay mentioned something about putting a herd together too quickly and rushing into things - which was a thought I have had when reading your posts over these past few months...

Sit down and talk about it. Calmly. Don't overreact. Look for a compromise. Kids can go hot and cold on horses - or any other hobby - so I would not be too concerned about your daughter - the spark may light up for her again.

And - I am saying this in a kind way - maybe look at yourself as well. Is everything thehorsesthehorsesthehorses to the exclusion of anything else? There is a chance that you do not even realize how much time you spend on them, how much you talk about them etc.

As others have noted in previous posts - it takes two to make this work - and I hope that everything works out.

***

Edited to agree with these these wise words from Tapestry Minis...

Just a thought but maybe with how hard you took the few losses this year he doesn't want to see you tear yourself up constantly about what happened since things like that in this business just happen. Or maybe he is tired of hearing about something that couldn't be helped. As my husband has explained it to me if you just focus on the bad and are not happy about the good why do it?

 

[Jill]

Hoping things are starting to look better or make more sense this morning, Melissa!

 

[MBhorses]

The horses are still for sale no changes.

thanks for all your prayers.I pray that I am doing right for my family only time will tell.I will be heart broken when the last horse leaves.

He don't want any of the horses. Yes I do talk about horses 27/4.

I babysit during the day, so i will have to get another job as well wow

alot to take in all at once

 

[Riverdance]

Melissa,

This is all VERY SOUND advice. Men always feel their unhappyness must be their wives fault. So they lash out and make their wives change what their wives enjoy most. But it will not end there. You will get rid of your horses and he will come up with other excuses.

Children are not happy living with both sets of parents if there is fighting going on all of the time, or if they have to give up things that they love just to make the father happy. What a thing to be teaching ones daughters, that men are more important than women. I am not saying that working on keeping a marriage together is not important, but who is doing all of the working and sacraficing to keep it together? It should be both ways, or the daughters get the message that they are of less importance than a man.

If he truely loved you, he would not ask you to give up what you enjoy most. You say you truely love him, would you ask him to give up something that he enjoyed? Or would you sacrafice everything so that he could have and enjoy what he wants? Why do so many women do this?

Fortunatly I got strong enough to say I mattered too. I have been on my own for over 11 years now, and I can say I do not miss having a man around!!! As a matter of fact, I will not even date. It is just not worth it to give up myself for a man anymore!!!!

 

[RobinRTrueJoy]

I am so sorry for your troubles.

I have a nice guy for a husband, but he is not horsey. I think it is only lately after 31 years of marriage that he actually GETS how devoted I am to them and how they are my life. We have no children. he animals are MY family.

A few things that come to mind.

Most men tend to think with 2 items, one is their wallet, the other is.... well... we all know.

My husband thinks about the wallet. We have been breeding minis since 1994. We have had some crushing blows with the minis, from losing my best mares, to losing terrific babies, losing reproductive abilities in mares, major colic surgeries, C sections, premie foals that were critically ill. Most were heart wrenching and almost all wrecked our finances. I have a hard time letting critters go to the rainbow bridge without a huge fight. With a few exceptions, my husband gives me a lot of crap about the money. Things are very tightbecause of it.

IF you went into this thinking you would make money, you were so mistaken. And husbands don't like to find that out. Makes them crazy.

I know that you had a vet problems, now I can't remember, either a bad foaling, loss of a mare or foal... which is very disheartening and expensive.

You worked hard and put together your herd quickly which I am sure was pricey.

Guys want everything fast, like making money on the horses. Perhaps he is really concerned over the money and is down about the loss with the horses..

I, have been told I talk horses too much, so I actually force myself to talk to him about other things SOMETIMES.

We have had some rocky times in the past 3 years.

He really does get it that my horses are my life , finally. During these spells, I told him that I didn't care if I have to live in a tent alone, I will find a place for me and my horses and you know, he believes me now. And that I will find a way to afford them, alone if needed.

I don't know if I could afford to stay here alone and I would have to move if we ever broke up unless I got a shark for a lawyer.

I am concerned over this weight loss and attitude and I personally would keep my thoughts to myself about it and be very observant. If you find evidence of a "problem", document it somehow and keep a record of what he does. Check his cell phone to see who he calls and who calls him. Does he stay on the computer alot and very late? Have you checked your computer for what he does on it? If you find something keep quiet , gather eveidence ,print things, protect yourself and don't tell him or he will start clearing the computer and cell phone.

I hope its just the wallet thing.

In the mean time, I would try to decide which horses I could live without and try to sell them. Decrease your expenses a bit and see if that pleases him.

Right now, we are strapped with many vet bills, the premie foals and dogs, but I listed 5 for sale 2 fols and 3 mares (half my herd) and I am trying to pick up extra shifts at the hospital to help. Listing the horses and doing even one extra shift has changed hubby's attitude a lot lately. Of course I haven't been lucky enough to sell any but he sees I am making an effort.

BUT I will NOT sell them all. I would prefer a pup tent ALONE with my horses and dogs. I would have no life without my critters.

Perhaps sell off a couple of the ones that won't kill you and see if it helps.

Best wishes,

Robin

 

[Charley]

It is hard to sell your whole herd. Two years ago I sold ten of our fourteen minis. My daughter now has the four ones that I did not sell. I pay all the bills for them and oversee the vet and farrier, making sure I am there for them. I mow the fields, clip the horses, and move horses around in spring and/or fall. I live in Georgia and they are in Virginia. I also sold three of my four dogs and a herd of 12 goats.

It was a shock to not go out every morning and night. Felt like I part of my life was missing.

I now spend too much time online, have plenty of hobbies, and still miss all my horses, even the ones I still own. Our situation is due to relocation of my husband's job. We don't have the land here for horses. I think I have done what is best for each individual horse. Two of the horses that I still have were from sales that I had second thoughts about...one I kept the horse after the buyer failed to make a final payment. Sent back the amount she had paid and kept the horse. And the other horse, I bought back when the buyer could not make ends meet to keep the horse.

It will take time to adjust. I can remember seeing a couple of my horses leave the farm and it was sooo hard. But I went out in the field and hugged each one I had left and was very thankful for having had so many horses in my life. It was a joy to know the horses that I had. I had planned on having them for the rest of their lives. I did try at first to keep up with them, but came to realize that I had to let them go emotionally as well as physically. I do hear about six out ot the ten through the grapevine. They are all doing well. The other four I'm sure are doing well as I did find them good homes with people that I trust.

It is hard to sell horses, but when you are selling a herd, it is even harder. I wish you the best....just look out for them and do your best to find homes for them that you feel will work. Follow your instincts, it you have any doubts about a buyer don't sell to them. Wait for the right homes for each horse. They are out there...and your horses are trusting you to find the right one for them.

 

[rockin r]

Melissa,

Just my 2 cents worth here. Before I would sell out my herd, I would try to lease them out. That way if things change you can always get them back. If not, they may be in a good home and they might want to purchase them..Good Luck! I will keep you in my prayers....Theresa

 

[bfogg]

I smell a fox in the woodpile and it's female, proceed carefully. I think the horses are only the beginning,he will find something else your not doing to make him happy. I bet he has it planned...

I am sorry and I hope I am absolutely wrong.

Hugs

Bonnie

 

[user 488]

I smell a fox in the woodpile and it's female, proceed carefully. I think the horses are only the beginning,he will find something else your not doing to make him happy. I bet he has it planned...

I am sorry and I hope I am absolutely wrong.

Hugs

Bonnie

Amen Bonny! But this is falling on a deaf ear. Melissa has already posted that the horses are going. So we are all beating a dead one here.

All the best to you Melissa.......

 

[Just Us N Texas]

I have to agree with Bonnie. She and I both smell the same fox in the woodpile. An old saying used to go, "if they lose weight, start buying new underwear, paying more attention to how they present themselves to the public, then there is a new hen/rooster in the pen! If you sell all the horses, your property, etc., then he will have more money to spend on "other" interests, and not feel so guilty of leaving you with financial burdens! Sorry if that sounds jaded, but age and experience makes you that way.

 

[Sonya]

You have gotten great advice from everyone. I am sorry you are going through this. You both need to go to counseling. Hugs to you.

And remember, in this type of situation, no one is going to take care of you, so please take care of yourself!

 

[wcr]

I read through this thread and have to agree with the majority. And with the majority I don't want to sound harsh or hurtful in any way but there is a lot of wisdom in some of the old sayings ie the wife is the last to know, can't see the forest for the trees. You have a lot of women on here responding and the gut instinct is that there is something rotten in Denmark.

I can sympathize with wanting to put your family first and maybe you do need to downsize but to give up your passion and love of what you have built for a man who is "acting like he is 20, lost a lot of weight, doesn't want to work and wants to sell your property, doesn't like the horses and wants to sell them all". Sorry but this sounds like a man who has one foot out the door and is being extremely selfish. Compromise is what you do to keep relationships together not make ultimatums and expect the whole family to give up everything for your whims.

Before selling horses and property I would go to a good marriage counselor and find out what the real issues are. As sad as it is to imagine, your marriage may be over no matter what you do and it is better to find out now before you give up everything that you love and makes you happy.

As I said, I am not trying to be hurtful in any way and am sorry if it sounds like it but am just stating how it sounds to my ears.

 

[tnovak]

Is he going to be happy when you are so unhappy??????? Certainly he should compromise-keep one or two??? I can't understand how he would be happy when you are grieving so.

 

[capall beag]

My advice would be RELAX, don't make quick decisions.

List the horses and see how things go.

Maybe the balance in your life/relationship is off!

My hubby hates, well certainly doesn't like my animals and I have lots

I NEVER expect him to help me do anything for them and I respect his feelings about them.

However, sometimes he suggest we get rid of them all!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HELLO! Ah NO!

I had animals before I was married, it has been a lifelong passion for me and NO I will not give up myself for my marriage.

That said, I make sure they do not consume me or my life and I encourage my husband in all his hobbies.

I think it is a little odd your husband bought all these animals and now wants to dispose of them

They are living, breathing animals not whimsical toys

That said maybe you have gone too far with the horses and they have become too much of a priority in your life. Sit back and look at it rationally and see what you think is happening here.

Definately, my job as a mother comes way higher on my priority list than my animals BUT I can do both I just need to work harder and get up earlier!!!

My husband is more important than an animal to me BUT if I gave up all my interests for him, which he wouldn't really expect me to do, I would have no interests left????

Can't imagine I would be very fun to be around then!

Sit back and take a deep breath, maybe you need to lighten the horse load.

When you sell a few maybe everyone will feel better and you can move forward from there.

Listen to your husband and see what his needs are.

Then listen to yourself and figure out your own needs!

There is room for both to be fulfilled in a good marriage.

DEFINATELY don't forfeit a marriage for a horse BUT a good marriage doesn't fall apart over a horse??

So maybe you can both figure out what needs to change.

Good Luck

My advice would be RELAX, don't make quick decisions.

List the horses and see how things go.

Maybe the balance in your life/relationship is off!

My hubby hates, well certainly doesn't like my animals and I have lots

I NEVER expect him to help me do anything for them and I respect his feelings about them.

However, sometimes he suggest we get rid of them all!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HELLO! Ah NO!

I had animals before I was married, it has been a lifelong passion for me and NO I will not give up myself for my marriage.

That said, I make sure they do not consume me or my life and I encourage my husband in all his hobbies.

I think it is a little odd your husband bought all these animals and now wants to dispose of them

They are living, breathing animals not whimsical toys

That said maybe you have gone too far with the horses and they have become too much of a priority in your life. Sit back and look at it rationally and see what you think is happening here.

Definately, my job as a mother comes way higher on my priority list than my animals BUT I can do both I just need to work harder and get up earlier!!!

My husband is more important than an animal to me BUT if I gave up all my interests for him, which he wouldn't really expect me to do, I would have no interests left????

Can't imagine I would be very fun to be around then!

Sit back and take a deep breath, maybe you need to lighten the horse load.

When you sell a few maybe everyone will feel better and you can move forward from there.

Listen to your husband and see what his needs are.

Then listen to yourself and figure out your own needs!

There is room for both to be fulfilled in a good marriage.

DEFINATELY don't forfeit a marriage for a horse BUT a good marriage doesn't fall apart over a horse??

So maybe you can both figure out what needs to change.

Good Luck