WhiteTailsMinis
Well-Known Member
I normally don't forward joke emails but this one - oh gosh - this truly made me laugh - and laugh hard! I just had to share it. It truly is very well written - well enough you can just visualize it!
This was sent to me by my dear friend in England at Dandy Farm:
[SIZE=12pt]ONLY A MAN WOULD ATTEMPT THIS[/SIZE]
[SIZE=12pt]Just try reading this without laughing till you cry!!![/SIZE]
Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife... A guy who purchased
his lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary submitted this:
Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest...
The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a
100,000-volt, pocket/purse- sized tazer.
The effects of the tazer were supposed to be short lived, with no
long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....??
WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home.
[SIZE=12pt]loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button.[/SIZE]
Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button and pressed it against a metal surface at the same time, I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.
AWESOME!!!
Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is
on the face of her microwave.
Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two AAA batteries, right?
There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently
(trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking
that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving
target.
I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a
second) and then thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself
against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as
advertised. Am I wrong?
So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses
perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and tazer in another.
The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant;
[SIZE=12pt]a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms[/SIZE]and a major loss of bodily control;
[SIZE=12pt]and a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out ofwater. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.[/SIZE]
All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5"
long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference (loaded with two itsy,bitsy
AAA batteries); pretty cute really, and thinking to myself, 'no
possible way!'
What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best .
I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to oneside so as to say, 'Don't do it stupid,' reasoning that a one secondburst from such a tiny lil ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I
decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I
touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and ...
HOLY MOTHER OF.. . WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION . . .
[SIZE=12pt]WHAT THE ....!!![/SIZE]
I'm pretty sure Hulk Hogan ran in through the side door,picked meup
in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over andover and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side inthe
fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples
on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs!
The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clingingto a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over theliving room.
Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a tazer,
one note of caution:
[SIZE=12pt]there is NO such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodgedfrom your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor! A threesecond burst would be considered conservative![/SIZE]
A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at
that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and
surveyed the landscape.
My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. The
recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it
originally was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still
twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my
bottom lip weighed 88 lbs.. I had no control over the drooling.
Apparently I had crapped in my shorts, but was too numb to know for
sure, and my sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above
my head, which I believe came from my hair. I'm still looking for my
testicles and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!
P.s... My wife can't stop laughing about my experience, loved the gift
and now regularly threatens me with it!
If you think education is difficult, try being stupid !!!
This was sent to me by my dear friend in England at Dandy Farm:
[SIZE=12pt]ONLY A MAN WOULD ATTEMPT THIS[/SIZE]
[SIZE=12pt]Just try reading this without laughing till you cry!!![/SIZE]
Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife... A guy who purchased
his lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary submitted this:
Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest...
The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a
100,000-volt, pocket/purse- sized tazer.
The effects of the tazer were supposed to be short lived, with no
long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....??
WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home.
[SIZE=12pt]loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button.[/SIZE]
Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button and pressed it against a metal surface at the same time, I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.
AWESOME!!!
Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is
on the face of her microwave.
Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two AAA batteries, right?
There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently
(trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking
that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving
target.
I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a
second) and then thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself
against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as
advertised. Am I wrong?
So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses
perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and tazer in another.
The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant;
[SIZE=12pt]a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms[/SIZE]and a major loss of bodily control;
[SIZE=12pt]and a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out ofwater. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.[/SIZE]
All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5"
long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference (loaded with two itsy,bitsy
AAA batteries); pretty cute really, and thinking to myself, 'no
possible way!'
What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best .
I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to oneside so as to say, 'Don't do it stupid,' reasoning that a one secondburst from such a tiny lil ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I
decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I
touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and ...
HOLY MOTHER OF.. . WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION . . .
[SIZE=12pt]WHAT THE ....!!![/SIZE]
I'm pretty sure Hulk Hogan ran in through the side door,picked meup
in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over andover and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side inthe
fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples
on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs!
The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clingingto a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over theliving room.
Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a tazer,
one note of caution:
[SIZE=12pt]there is NO such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodgedfrom your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor! A threesecond burst would be considered conservative![/SIZE]
A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at
that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and
surveyed the landscape.
My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. The
recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it
originally was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still
twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my
bottom lip weighed 88 lbs.. I had no control over the drooling.
Apparently I had crapped in my shorts, but was too numb to know for
sure, and my sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above
my head, which I believe came from my hair. I'm still looking for my
testicles and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!
P.s... My wife can't stop laughing about my experience, loved the gift
and now regularly threatens me with it!
If you think education is difficult, try being stupid !!!
