After suffering 15 years in this house of horrors, yours truly, Lily Munster Mistress of this quirky manor on the mountain is getting the bathroom remodeled! I am so excited I can’t stand it.
This house was built sometime after dinosaurs ruled the earth, or before, not quite sure which it was. The term “fixer upper” doesn’t even begin to touch it. It’s more like let’s just use explosives first, and then fix whatever is left. Heaven knows over the years we have tried to remodel one room at a time, but something always seemed to come up to keep us from staying on task like having to work and pay bills.
Because the economic problem is hitting our tile and hardwood business like a ton of bricks, we’ve had a few contractor cancellations. Although that’s not good for the bills, that is great for getting the time and materials to remodel the bathroom from H E double hockey sticks. Seems nearly everything we need to attack this bathroom eyesore is sitting in our store and it’s already paid for. We have plywood, drywall, backer board and endless boxes of tile coming out our ears.
Everything in that bathroom is beyond cootie-ness. This is the kind of room that no matter how hard and often I scrub with every disinfectant known to man it never looks nice and clean and it just gives you the creeps to be in there. It’s the kind of bathroom that when someone comes to visit, you hope they are wearing Depends and will have no reason to enter the twilight zone at the end of the hall. We would have been much safer all these years using an out house and a hose. Even Amy, our illustrious German Shepherd contributed to the downfall and final demise of this potty room by digging and tearing the barff vinyl flooring in many directions. Yes, parts of the vinyl flooring have been held together with duck tape now for two years which I attempted to cover up with miscellaneous throw rugs.
I’ve been concerned for years that the majorly cracked, droopy ceiling is going to come crashing down on one of us during a very inopportune time. Imagine sitting in a bathroom and when glancing up at the ceiling, it’s making a special movement of its very own. Now that’s scary, but not as scary as feeling the floor shifting under your feet as you brush your teeth. And why does that floor feel so squishy? I shudder to think of what we are going to find under there. Makes a person feel like he’s in a fun house at the amusement park. All that lacks is the mirror that distorts your body, which in fact was on the back of the bathroom door which we had already disposed of years ago when I said “No way is that body mine,” and let’s leave it at that.
The back wall of the bathroom is the back of Dan’s bedroom closet and ever since he was a little kid, he complained about strange voices coming from there during the night. I’m not nearly as worried about finding termites and assorted cooties in the walls as I am dead Indians. The shower unit has been the biggest eye sore and thorn in my side more than anything else in this house. This one piece fiberglass puke blue combination tub and shower has embedded iron and other mysterious stains that have been there since the Confederate Army duked it out in Chattanooga and fled to these mountains. Although I’m tempted to put an outboard engine on it and see if it will float on the lake, it will be such joy to bring it to the dump and turn it loose and see if it can travel on its own accord. I’m sure someone will probably appreciate its unique, fine character and bring it home to use for a whimsical flower bed or maybe a casket for a bad relative.
Everything in that room is being torn down which means the ceiling, the subfloors, and the 50’s paneling that I have painted over a hundred times by now. Even Richie Cunningham and the Fonze would appreciate seeing this stuff go up in flames I’m sure. The giant linen closet which we tore down yesterday will be turned into a separate shower which will be tiled. As Hus ripped the walls apart, I stood back locked and loaded with ammunition including a hammer, bug spray, BB gun, and plunger in anticipation of what creatures I feared would be crawling out of the wall.
Then, be still my heart, we are getting a new bathtub! My dream of a luscious garden tub surrounded with scented candles that spouts therapy jets at your who-who is not coming into play but I’m not complaining. Instead, our new bathtub is going to be a standard no frills plain white cootie free tub but I’m thrilled as I can be. It will have tile around it too. The walls and ceiling will all have new drywall and the entire floor will be tiled. Our biggest expense will probably be a new cabinet sink which will be modest but functional. Hus will build a custom linen cabinet in there somewhere and the nasty leaky window that collects mold and grunge around the seams will also be replaced with one that has frosted glass. Lucky for us we get a contractor’s discount at all the home centers for that stuff and we already have plenty of drywall and tile coming out our ears.
I can’t wait to dive into our overstock of tile boxes this weekend and make a selection. I’ll be like a kid in a candy shop. I’m not going for modern or fancy or elegant, just functional. I’ve always loved the tile that has that stony, rocky look with matching borders which would seem fitting anywhere in this mountain home so I hope we have some of that. If not, I’ll grab the next best thing and be happy for it.
The down side of the project is that this can take a long time from start to finish as although business is slow, it’s not completely dead and we do have work to get done. Normally when Hus rebuilds a bathroom of this size on the job it takes a good week, but when it comes to our own projects, things get a little crazy and can end up taking months. Meanwhile, all the linens, towels, and miscellaneous bathroom supplies are presently living all over our couch and kitchen table and I haven’t a clue where to stash these things for now. I can’t figure out how we ended up with 16 sets of bedding when there are only three beds in this house and half the pillow cases are missing.
I can’t wait until this project is finished no matter how long it will take. Then, the next time you come for a visit, you won’t need to bother wearing Depends. Instead, I’ll be greeting you at the door with “Welcome to my home, do you have to take a leak?”
Have a great day.
Love, Lily
This house was built sometime after dinosaurs ruled the earth, or before, not quite sure which it was. The term “fixer upper” doesn’t even begin to touch it. It’s more like let’s just use explosives first, and then fix whatever is left. Heaven knows over the years we have tried to remodel one room at a time, but something always seemed to come up to keep us from staying on task like having to work and pay bills.
Because the economic problem is hitting our tile and hardwood business like a ton of bricks, we’ve had a few contractor cancellations. Although that’s not good for the bills, that is great for getting the time and materials to remodel the bathroom from H E double hockey sticks. Seems nearly everything we need to attack this bathroom eyesore is sitting in our store and it’s already paid for. We have plywood, drywall, backer board and endless boxes of tile coming out our ears.
Everything in that bathroom is beyond cootie-ness. This is the kind of room that no matter how hard and often I scrub with every disinfectant known to man it never looks nice and clean and it just gives you the creeps to be in there. It’s the kind of bathroom that when someone comes to visit, you hope they are wearing Depends and will have no reason to enter the twilight zone at the end of the hall. We would have been much safer all these years using an out house and a hose. Even Amy, our illustrious German Shepherd contributed to the downfall and final demise of this potty room by digging and tearing the barff vinyl flooring in many directions. Yes, parts of the vinyl flooring have been held together with duck tape now for two years which I attempted to cover up with miscellaneous throw rugs.
I’ve been concerned for years that the majorly cracked, droopy ceiling is going to come crashing down on one of us during a very inopportune time. Imagine sitting in a bathroom and when glancing up at the ceiling, it’s making a special movement of its very own. Now that’s scary, but not as scary as feeling the floor shifting under your feet as you brush your teeth. And why does that floor feel so squishy? I shudder to think of what we are going to find under there. Makes a person feel like he’s in a fun house at the amusement park. All that lacks is the mirror that distorts your body, which in fact was on the back of the bathroom door which we had already disposed of years ago when I said “No way is that body mine,” and let’s leave it at that.
The back wall of the bathroom is the back of Dan’s bedroom closet and ever since he was a little kid, he complained about strange voices coming from there during the night. I’m not nearly as worried about finding termites and assorted cooties in the walls as I am dead Indians. The shower unit has been the biggest eye sore and thorn in my side more than anything else in this house. This one piece fiberglass puke blue combination tub and shower has embedded iron and other mysterious stains that have been there since the Confederate Army duked it out in Chattanooga and fled to these mountains. Although I’m tempted to put an outboard engine on it and see if it will float on the lake, it will be such joy to bring it to the dump and turn it loose and see if it can travel on its own accord. I’m sure someone will probably appreciate its unique, fine character and bring it home to use for a whimsical flower bed or maybe a casket for a bad relative.
Everything in that room is being torn down which means the ceiling, the subfloors, and the 50’s paneling that I have painted over a hundred times by now. Even Richie Cunningham and the Fonze would appreciate seeing this stuff go up in flames I’m sure. The giant linen closet which we tore down yesterday will be turned into a separate shower which will be tiled. As Hus ripped the walls apart, I stood back locked and loaded with ammunition including a hammer, bug spray, BB gun, and plunger in anticipation of what creatures I feared would be crawling out of the wall.
Then, be still my heart, we are getting a new bathtub! My dream of a luscious garden tub surrounded with scented candles that spouts therapy jets at your who-who is not coming into play but I’m not complaining. Instead, our new bathtub is going to be a standard no frills plain white cootie free tub but I’m thrilled as I can be. It will have tile around it too. The walls and ceiling will all have new drywall and the entire floor will be tiled. Our biggest expense will probably be a new cabinet sink which will be modest but functional. Hus will build a custom linen cabinet in there somewhere and the nasty leaky window that collects mold and grunge around the seams will also be replaced with one that has frosted glass. Lucky for us we get a contractor’s discount at all the home centers for that stuff and we already have plenty of drywall and tile coming out our ears.
I can’t wait to dive into our overstock of tile boxes this weekend and make a selection. I’ll be like a kid in a candy shop. I’m not going for modern or fancy or elegant, just functional. I’ve always loved the tile that has that stony, rocky look with matching borders which would seem fitting anywhere in this mountain home so I hope we have some of that. If not, I’ll grab the next best thing and be happy for it.
The down side of the project is that this can take a long time from start to finish as although business is slow, it’s not completely dead and we do have work to get done. Normally when Hus rebuilds a bathroom of this size on the job it takes a good week, but when it comes to our own projects, things get a little crazy and can end up taking months. Meanwhile, all the linens, towels, and miscellaneous bathroom supplies are presently living all over our couch and kitchen table and I haven’t a clue where to stash these things for now. I can’t figure out how we ended up with 16 sets of bedding when there are only three beds in this house and half the pillow cases are missing.
I can’t wait until this project is finished no matter how long it will take. Then, the next time you come for a visit, you won’t need to bother wearing Depends. Instead, I’ll be greeting you at the door with “Welcome to my home, do you have to take a leak?”
Have a great day.
Love, Lily
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