Neverending Saga: The Old Farm House

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Marty

Well-Known Member
Joined
Nov 30, 2002
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Location
Tennessee
[SIZE=12pt]The old farm house. High a-top a hill surrounded in gigantic scenic oak trees enveloping the sweet little house. Advertised as a "doll house"......ah......the humble abode. Welcome to country living. My style.[/SIZE]

Who wouldn't want to live out in the country? The sounds of mother nature at her finest is enough to pull me towards it like a magnet. The spring time wild flowers bursting through the earth, the soft summer breeze kisses your face as it blows across the fields, the crackle of the fallen leaves under your feet in the fall, and the white blanket of new fallen snow that covers your pastures is a cherished gift. And so lays the background for your pursuit for country living. You are getting back to basics in air that you can breath, in a place where you have chosen to travel a meandering dirt road, vs the city pavement where a drive by shooting just took place. Instead of fire engines clanging and police car sirens, you hear the moo of a cow, or the bray of a jack, and of course, the nicker of your horse.

You see the old country farm house as a modest refreshing delight with character and charm. Freshly picked bushel baskets filled with apples adorn your back porch, from the trees in your orchard . There's two aged rockers on the front porch where you sit with the family dog while enjoying your freshly squeezed lemonade. The old wooden floor throughout the home has a few choice squeaks that just adds to this charm more and more. The bathroom floor is covered in old linoleum that you haven't seen since 1960 and it reminds of you memories long past. Your little eat in kitchen is quaint and tiny and there's a boquet of freshly picked flowers from your own garden on the table. When you go to sleep at night, you hear the tapping of branches against your bedroom window that keeps time like a pendulum. You can hear the pitterpat your little barn kitties as they run across your roof and that helps you drift off to sleep.

Sound to good to be true? It is. It's a doll house alright. That's if your name is Chucky....and you've got a bride to match.

Sometimes I feel like Lily Munster, mistress of the miniature mansion from he77.

Yes, Mother Nature sucked me in but didn't tell me that these new spring flowers that I just picked were poison sumac. She also didn't tell me that living rural meant no snow plows and downed power lines for two weeks. The TV went off just as Jon Bon Jovi was about to take his shirt off. That was torture.

I love to open my windows during the summertime but every time someone comes flying up my dirt road, it blows dirt in my house and looks like I haven't dusted in a year and would somebody please shut that darn neighbor's donkey up? Hee Haw Hee Haw at 4:00 every single morning like clock-work. Then he continues all day long at 5 minute intervals that loud, very loud, very annoying noise. Give me a break and stuff a sock in his mouth PLEASE!

Come join me on my porch for some lemonade, but watch those steps They're a little loose, you'll fall through. Sorry, you'll have to step over the dog because he ain't moving. Watch out for him too, he bites everyone and that pile of vomit over there belongs to him, but no worries, he'll eat it. And be careful around those apples. They are loaded with bumble bees. I got stung three times already this morning. No matter, I've got plenty of Bennedryl if they getcha. If I ever see another apple it will be too soon. Apple pie, apple butter, apple sauce, forget that.

Who has time to be cooking up apples when they have a whole house to renovate? That's right, that squeaky floor finally had to be investigated and low and behold, just as I had suspected, there were 400 generations of mice that had taken up residence under that thar floor. There they were the dirty little squatters kicking back underneath my floor watching tv with us every night through the spaces of that rotted out wood that had separated over time. Now if that wasn't an experience to get rid of them and what's that you say? You aren't sure you got all of them? Some of them may have escaped and are now living in my walls? That's lovely. And oh, how much did that cost to rip up our entire floor of the house? Golly gee whiz, somebody forgot to lay a complete foundation under there too. Oh joy. How much is it going to cost to pump concrete under an entire house? Are you kidding?

Yea those giant oaks sure turned out to be a problem. Tapping on my window alright. Every time we have a strong wind, the limbs break off and fall all over the place. Finally busted my window. The other night, two big branches went flying off and landed on the truck, denting it up in 4 places.

Seems that no tree trimmers in the business wants to come over and trim them down or chop them down because they are already towering at some 70 feet high up in the air. They say that's too dangerous a job for them. We have to find a tree trimming company that has buckets and plenty of heavy duty equipment and that will cost how much you say? $2,000 a tree??? There MUST be a way we can cut a deal. Need apples?

What is that smell coming from the bathroom? No, it's not that! It's something else, something very odd. Something like........the septic tank has a problem? You say that the trunks of the oak trees have gotten into the hole of the septic tank that connects it to the WHAT??????? And every time we flush the toilet now the waste is backfiring and coming back in instead of going out? Nobody has cleaned it out in 50 years ? Give me the figure, I'm sitting down. Ok, I fell off the chair. Suppose I have to replace that old linoleum in there too after this. Normally by now I would request that Calgon take me away, but the bathtub has a big crack in it.

I've had a long day. I'm going to bed as soon as I can figure out what is making that scratching sound in my bedroom walls.

Welcome to country living.

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Marty I love your stories and I can so relate as we live in a house that was built in 1900. There is always something that needs repair or replacing.

We have 8 very large Maple trees that surround out house. Great shade but oh my the leabves when fall comes. And you are right, just to have them sprayed each year is a minor fortune and if we dont we have aphid poop all over everything.

Our barn is older than the house, not sure when it was built. Still sturdy and keeps the critters dry and warm though.

We have a great wrap around porch as well but you have to fight the cats for a place to sit and wipe the cat hair off the cushion before a guest sits down. And yes there might be a previously hacked up hairball waiting for you if you are the special guest. Or maybe they brought the remains of their dinner from last night and left it by the door so when your guests knock they have to step over that unidentified organ that they never eat but feel they must bring for you to see.

So you see Marty, there are others that can really relate to what you say about the Old Farm House.
 
That unidentified organ!!! Oh my gosh, I was wondering if it is just the cat that adopted us, who done that or if it was a cat thing.
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: He not only leaves that little organ on the step but also is known to leave a dead snake there also! :new_shocked: He is so good about catching the voles that we have let him live here...he is really sweet too. :bgrin

Marty I love your stories and I can so relate as we live in a house that was built in 1900. There is always something that needs repair or replacing.

We have 8 very large Maple trees that surround out house. Great shade but oh my the leabves when fall comes. And you are right, just to have them sprayed each year is a minor fortune and if we dont we have aphid poop all over everything.

Our barn is older than the house, not sure when it was built. Still sturdy and keeps the critters dry and warm though.

We have a great wrap around porch as well but you have to fight the cats for a place to sit and wipe the cat hair off the cushion before a guest sits down. And yes there might be a previously hacked up hairball waiting for you if you are the special guest. Or maybe they brought the remains of their dinner from last night and left it by the door so when your guests knock they have to step over that unidentified organ that they never eat but feel they must bring for you to see.

So you see Marty, there are others that can really relate to what you say about the Old Farm House.
 
Oh Marty, now THAT'S a story! What a talent you have! :aktion033:

I'm imagining those mice watching tv with you: "pass the popcorn, would ya?" lol! :lol:
 
Oh my.......you put it all SO WELL!

Let's see........We don't have regular apple trees. Will Crab Apple do? And the Oak trees are actually Willows, front AND back. (The big old Spruce came down in our last wind storm.)

Ditto with the back steps and we don't have just one dog -- how 'bout FOUR?

Yep, on the foundation. And you should see how they weaved the water pipes under there! (And we wonder why we get frozen pipes???)

You didn't mention the wiring! Scarey. Dealing with old outlets with no third grounding hole is a pain!

We got all the feral cats that were living under the house when we moved in trapped and turned over to the shelter, but then the mice moved in........sounded like a highway of little feet over our heads and in the walls.

Our own cats are either too lazy or too old, so we are live trapping the little critters.

Finally got our septic repaired (which wasn't to code, but was grandfathered in because of the age of the house.)

Now we are ready to re-do the second bathroom - that our daughter uses....But oh no! Brianna LOVES the puke-green bathtub and sink, and the black linoleum!

Not going to mention the "third bedroom" which I call the VERTIGO Room......just don't go in there if you're tipsy. Between getting sea-sick walking on the foor, you'll be sure to get dizzy looking at all the layers of wall paper!

No, we don't have a neighbor with noisey donkey. We have a neighbor with over 450 head of Angus Cows that are either calling for their dinner or for their missing children!

Ahhhhh........the country life............We love the acreage, and the view of the Cascade Mountains. But what they say about getting back to nature, isn't all it's cracked up to be, is it - Marty! :bgrin
 
Oh Marty--I'm sorry you had a bad day--but your story cracked me up. Sad to say I left the farm for school, and apartment living is no better; I can't wait to get home for a couple days of the neighbor's rooster and our old barn dogs.
 
I love this story!!!! Look on the bright side..... youve got tons of firewood for the rest of this bone chilling winter!

Lyn
 
Oh Marty, pack up Dan and come up to the hollow for some spoiling. I live way far off the road the worst you'll hear is the neighbors hounds every once in awhile and while my well pump is slowly dieing I'll cook and clean for you!
 
That about describes it.

Our house is a littlenewer and we were lucky, but it doesn't have a lot of the country charm, either!

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BUT there's always something, isn't there?

I think there's millions who would gladly trade you. Really...

at least it's better than worrying about drivebys and such...

thanks for the story!

Liz M.
 
I'll take an ancient, run down house with character anyday over a newer, "perfect" one with absolutely no personality, as they build them today.

...of course, at the moment we live in an ancient single-wide mobile home, built back when they called them trailer houses, so I am green with envy over every detail you mention.

I have always loved tiny houses...cabins, really...pretty silly when I also have a penchant for collecting furniture, books, musical instruments and animals..

We have no choice but to build new, but if it weren't so costly, I'd move a 20s bungalow up to our ridge in a heartbeat. You can bet, however, that our future home will be funky and full of character...not the sterile claptrap that abounds in these parts.
 
Oh boy, can I relate to this one :eek: We just replaced the fuse box (yep, we still have the old fuses) and wiring to our well because it was shutting off whenever it darn well pleased and I'd have to go out and smack the wire with a stick to get it going again so the kids could finish showers. The bathroom has a tarp over the wall because the tiles kept falling off and I can't afford to put in one of those fancy wall kits just yet. The detached garage in the back is falling down, need to hire the church boys to just tear it down for us. Got rid of my baby factory barn cat, only to get over run with the neighbor's mouse family. We are surrounded on 3 sides by 500 head of cattle which gets nice and fragrant in the summer time. Oh, I didn't mention the neighbor's chicken houses. He's got 2 of them and do they ever attract the skunks :new_shocked: We live across the highway from 3 bars because there's a "dry county" just down the road, across the state line. Weekends are fun with all of the drunks walking in and out of there :lol:

But I just heard a flock of geese go over the house and it's so quiet outside that I can hear the train going by. I love it here and couldn't imagine living anywhere else (except maybe farther away from people
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: ).
 
:new_rofl: :new_rofl: :new_rofl: :new_rofl: :new_rofl:

Sound to good to be true? It is.
Is this where the sound effect of the record scratching comes in?

I love to open my windows during the summertime but every time someone comes flying up my dirt road, it blows dirt in my house and looks like I haven't dusted in a year and would somebody please shut that darn neighbor's donkey up? Hee Haw Hee Haw at 4:00 every single morning like clock-work. Then he continues all day long at 5 minute intervals that loud, very loud, very annoying noise. Give me a break and stuff a sock in his mouth PLEASE!
That is sooooooooooo funny :new_rofl: :new_rofl: I would have to highlight the rest of the story also as it was so darn funny!

Marty, I understand that you have written a couple of books is that correct? That was fantastic reading, I really enjoyed it! Thank you for making my day. :bgrin
 
Marty you are definitely a "storyteller extraordinaire"! I am envoius too, though - if you have to deal with all the issues you are dealing with, at least you have a cute old house to do it in. We live in a 10-year-old manufactured home so there's no personality at all and we are already dealing with lots of the same stuff! Our oh-so-intelligent dogs decided to go under the house and tear open the AC ducts so they could have cool air when we were out of town, we came home to 105 degrees outside and 107 inside! Then we got to buy new ductwork and crawl around in the spiders scorpions and mouse poop and sharp stones and trash and dust and God-knows-what-else to replace it! We even found a petrified cat body under there :smileypuke:

the biggest different is, around here it's our neighbors who probably shudder to hear the jacks - yes plural, we have THREE) - to us, it's music to our ears
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: - and sometimes the jennets sound off as well. but i must admit, they don't do it EVERY five minutes
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