It's all just bad. Makes me wish...

[bfogg]

Bard,

I think your name is well deserved that was a wonderful thoughtful post and said many of the things I would have liked to have said or say but could not think of a way to say it.

I believe her mother did what she had to do and it was done out of love or maybe it was tough love but sometimes maybe that's what it takes.

I am sorry you are experiencing so much stress and pain. I have had my share of depression and it is so hard to pull yourself out of it . It usually takes meds and what I have found helps a lot is to do something nice for someone else, doesn't take money lots of things to do for others. Put baby in a stroller and go out and weed their garden,wash their windows,tidy up for someone who is sick, or elderly walk a dog .....

I have found over and over again the universe gives back to us what we put out there only it's magnified times 10.

So try to go and do something nice for someone else you will begin to feel better one step at a time. Good Luck

Bonnie

Wee Mite also a good post!

 

[kaykay]

Be sure and check out Craigslist for your city. Go to the "free" column and check out what people are giving away. Sometimes you can find amazing free items and all they ask is you pick it up. I have seen big screen tvs, couches, washing machines, clothes etc.

 

[Laura]

While I agree that it's hard to have tough times, I'm not sure why your Mom's moving HER things, bought by her, is such a hateful, hurtful thing? They are her things, it's her house, she moved and you knew she was moving. Did you ever ASK if you were going to be able to move with her? Were you packing to move if you thought you were moving with them?

 


You three having been living there for TWO YEARS, NOT paying rent or contributing more than food. You and your husband BOTH were not working, but were living in her house, using her utilities, spending your savings and neither of you were out EVERY SINGLE DAY looking for work? I'm sorry, but that is just beyond me.. Something is way off here

 

 


Did you ever ask how you could contribute to the household? You can only pretend for so long that these things are being done TO you... not by you. I'm still shaking my head over the line about you "having to ride herd on YOUR son" ...who is SUPPOSED to take care of your child?

 


Steve and I offered to let a family member move in here when she was going through tough times. Would she have sat here for months (or more) not working or contributing anything other than cleaning up after herself or others, while she spent money or stuff instead of contributing to household expenses...not on your life!

 


This is up to you to change. Get help with your finances, look for help with food and housing assistance. You ARE strong, but you both have let yourselves slide into this "we'll worry about it tomorrow" state and is IS tomorrow.

 

[Marty]

This is a very difficult thread for me to read.

Depression is very real and can be very dangerous. The thought that you are hinting of needing more medications is very scary. Not everyone can pull themselves up by their bootstraps and snap out of it but my gosh, you must try. Yes it can be done. I did it, because I had to for the sake of my younger son. There was no other choice. You have a child, a baby.You must do it too out of love for your child. Do you not realize how blessed you really are? You know that song Accentuate the possitive, eliminate the negative. Count your blessings today and every day. Your blessing is named Nathan and he needs you whole. You CAN do this. ((((((( )))))))

 

[RainSong]

You and your husband BOTH were not working,

I'm still shaking my head over the line about you "having to ride herd on YOUR son" ...who is SUPPOSED to take care of your child?

My husband has worked as much as possible since we moved in. He was only out of work since May 12th of this year recently- before that he had been away for a month to six weeks at a time doing over the road trucking. We paid her what we could, but it was never the four hundred complete that she wanted. We only started making enough to even pay that shortly before he was out of work, due to the company's own policies and what they were removing from his check. He did have times without work when we first moved in, and again when the place he was working for was shut down. He found work very quickly when that happened, only to have that business close during the week as they had gone bankrupt. Again, he did some looking- and that is how he ended up going out doing long haul trucking as soon as he could.

And the "riding herd" line was this: "When we got back from the store, we ended up having to ride herd on my sister's toddler and our own son, then there was the moving of fridges, etc etc." - we have no issues taking care of OUR son. It was the two days of watching my sister's toddler (and to some extent her older son, too) that I was referring to. He had two parents here that whole time.

______

To reply to Bard: I'm fine with suggestions and additions. Your post and your references to "rolling D20's" and "all nighter in Azeroth" I find rather rude, and the overall tone matches it to me.

You don't know me. You don't know my history or anything, so I don't expect you to know everything. Yes, I have a plan to get my GED, get my education, and start work. I do hope you are not one of those people who look at people without a diploma or GED and think we are stupid uneducated idiots, or some sort of "barefoot and pregnant at 18" redneck. I wish everything were as easy as you have outlined, but it is not.

I support my husband, I take care of my son, and I will continue to do so. I am not upset at her taking HER stuff, rather, the way she has gone about it. In the beginning I made it perfectly clear I thought we were moving with her- to the point where she flat out could have said no. She was participating in the conversation, fully aware of what was being said, and did not reply. This occured multiple times, and never once- even though she was discussing things and active in the conversation- did she speak up and say anything about us not going.

I was never hear to receive sugary nothings. I was venting here, pure and simple, and wouldn't have minded had this post dropped off the face of the board unreplied to. I thank you all for your well wishes, and for trying to help me in your own ways.

For the moment we are not replacing any furniture, nor buying anything other then stuff we need. I am making peace with it already, and the year plus of the rest of the crud that has gone on, as well. I do not plan on letting this ruin the Holidays- I am not so spiteful and nasty as to keep my son from his Grandmother, whom he adores. No... part of the reason we came back was so he would KNOW his grandparents. The Holidays will still be a happy, joyous time with us all together. I have the time between then and now to put this to rest, and I will, and by the time the Holidays come we WILL be on our feet one way or the other.

As I said. We do what we have to do, and things will work out. I am doing what I have to do. That's what I have been doing since we moved, and it won't change. I may be in a fog, suffering depression (and those who have read my posts know I do), and barely taking care of myself, but there's always one truth in my life.

My son comes first.

 

[Bard]

Holy minis, where did the rest of my sermon go?? I was tacking this part on to the bottom. Well, it's for the best- it's a sign for me to SHUT UP NOW.

So you dropped out of high school for a very GOOD reason, and you became pregnant by complete accident? I don't believe that. You were old enough to know what birth control was and how children were conceived, and if it wasn't available to you, you shouldn't have had sex until it was. It's that simple, and I'm not giving you that one.

Why did you choose a large audience to vent to instead of a journal or blog, if you weren't soliciting at the very least attention? That you took particular offense to gaming makes me think I've hit a nerve.

Don't think I became so jaded to situations like yours overnight. It took a very long time of people slowly pulling me down with them (and vice versa!) so that I couldn't see a way out of my own problems until I cut the cord and isolated myself from at least some of the cause of my angst, but when I floated up to the top and opened my eyes, and realized that I was actually still alive, it was the scariest, most empowering feeling in the world. It hurts, but it's hard for us to see people with problems, want to help them... but to not integrate their problems into our own budget of problems. Distancing isn't always a bad thing- sometimes it's the only salvation of one's sanity.

To be fair, it probably makes it too easy for me to form the opinion of you given all I'm able to read of it too quickly and easily without knowing you, but your situation sounds so familiar, hits all the same old shadows in my own mind. It's too easy to fall into predicaments like yours if you're not very careful, and I don't think you were. But that's in the past. Now begins the long messy crawl up out of it, and you don't need people like me- or us here on this forum- to remind you of that. It's hard to face it every day, every time you close your eyes and begin to relax, and that one thought, that one worry pricks you awake.

All I can say is good luck. I needed it once, you need it now more than I ever did, and I hope you get the same good luck I did.

 

[RainSong]

This is a very difficult thread for me to read.

Depression is very real and can be very dangerous. The thought that you are hinting of needing more medications is very scary. Not everyone can pull themselves up by their bootstraps and snap out of it but my gosh, you must try. Yes it can be done. I did it, because I had to for the sake of my younger son. There was no other choice. You have a child, a baby.You must do it too out of love for your child. Do you not realize how blessed you really are? You know that song Accentuate the possitive, eliminate the negative. Count your blessings today and every day. Your blessing is named Nathan and he needs you whole. You CAN do this. ((((((( )))))))

I was expecting a post from you, Marty

Don't worry. I can't get medication- as much as I want some sort of relief, it will have to come naturally. And Nathan is the one thing that keeps me from sleeping all day. He doesn't understand what's going on- why Grandma and Uncle aren't around, why Dada keeps having to leave. But somehow, he catches that Momma's hurting too- and keeps coming over and cuddling with me, or giving me hugs and kisses when I don't expect them. He is my little angel, and if it were not for him, I wouldn't be where I am- neither the situation, nor as the person I have grown to be. Yes, if it weren't for him we'd have left long ago, I'd be free from a lot of the responsibilities I have, etc.

But if it weren't for him, I would not be as strong as I am. I would never have known this frighteningly strong and amazing love. I'd be missing out on the hugs, kisses, cuddles, and joy of learning new things. I do know how blessed I am, though it's hard- very hard- to see it all the time. His Uncle was by yesterday- said he misses Mr. Boo SO much. And I could only smile. I knew they would.

He keeps me going. He keeps me from sinking into the depression and letting it eat me- even if I'm foggy from it... there he is. I can't let him down. He needs me. During the week, he has no one else. He is a mother's boy, no doubt- partly because I have been his main caretaker for so long, so often. His daddy works, and Momma is there- constant.

He gets so upset if I leave without him, did you know? He's gotten so good about anyone else leaving- he settles down in a few minutes. Longer if he's tired, or it's Dada. But apparently if I leave, he's upset for a long long time. I told Dave it's because he's not used to Momma leaving. Momma has always been there.

I wouldn't worry so much about the money for a place- I can crash with friends, stuff our stuff in storage, etc... except for him. That's what scares me the most, in honesty, about the possibly not having a place.

But I've done the math as best I can, and I am hoping it will turn out alright. It may- barely. He will have a place, somehow.

Sorry. I've rambled

It's easy to do about him. But Marty.. I think you understand that. And no matter what, I won't fail him.

Until he's a teenager and I pull out those embarassing pictures of his first tub bath

 

[Bard]

Augh, there's just NO way to salvage this- Sorry, I was thinking too much with my fingers.

 

[RainSong]

Holy minis, where did the rest of my sermon go?? I was tacking this part on to the bottom. Well, it's for the best- it's a sign for me to SHUT UP NOW.

So you dropped out of high school for a very GOOD reason, and you became pregnant by complete accident? I don't believe that. You were old enough to know what birth control was and how children were conceived, and if it wasn't available to you, you shouldn't have had sex until it was. It's that simple, and I'm not giving you that one.

Why did you choose a large audience to vent to instead of a journal or blog, if you weren't soliciting at the very least attention? That you took particular offense to gaming makes me think I've hit a nerve.

Don't think I became so jaded to situations like yours overnight. It took a very long time of people slowly pulling me down with them (and vice versa!) so that I couldn't see a way out of my own problems until I cut the cord and isolated myself from at least some of the cause of my angst, but when I floated up to the top and opened my eyes, and realized that I was actually still alive, it was the scariest, most empowering feeling in the world. It hurts, but it's hard for us to see people with problems, want to help them... but to not integrate their problems into our own budget of problems. Distancing isn't always a bad thing- sometimes it's the only salvation of one's sanity.

To be fair, it probably makes it too easy for me to form the opinion of you given all I'm able to read of it too quickly and easily without knowing you, but your situation sounds so familiar, hits all the same old shadows in my own mind. It's too easy to fall into predicaments like yours if you're not very careful, and I don't think you were. But that's in the past. Now begins the long messy crawl up out of it, and you don't need people like me- or us here on this forum- to remind you of that. It's hard to face it every day, every time you close your eyes and begin to relax, and that one thought, that one worry pricks you awake.

All I can say is good luck. I needed it once, you need it now more than I ever did, and I hope you get the same good luck I did.

Are you somehow assuming I'm some teenage mother? Please stop. Yes, I dropped out of high school, and I regret that. Always have, and plan to make it right.

I was 16 when I dropped out. I had my son at 23 after several happy years of being married to someone I met long after high school. Why didn't I post this to a blog or the like? Well, I did. That's why it was a C&P job to here. But this place is ... was? A bit more like family to me- I appreciate what some people here think, respect others here greatly, and I needed to get it off my chest- maybe have someone who could see it from the other side without being rude about it explain more then I could see.

Yes, we lived with my mother too long. We plan, when we can, to pay her what we owe her for that. Always have- and she knew that too. crap happens, though, and since returning to Oregon things have been haywire- we were finally getting things sorted out and back on track when all of this happened.

Yes, I am a gamer- I used to Roleplay before my son was born. I did play WoW until recently, but the assumption that I pull "All nighters" was rude and out of place in my opinion. Not all gamers are the sort to ignore their children and responsibilities to play, but I've heard that rhetoric spewed so often it's tiresome.

If you are so offended by seeing posts like mine- why do you read them? There's no call to reply if you don't want to, and there are a million other posts wandering around here very similiar to mine, so what made you decide my post needed you to step in and get all bent out of shape over it?

Yea. It's screwed up, all of it. We aren't without blame, and both Dave and I know it. We've discussed it, too, but we can't kick ourselves all the way- we wouldn't get anywhere. We're doing the best we can right now to make it right, and that's all we can do.

Take a step back. Take a deep breath. Realize, please, that I am not seeking pats on the head and cuddles. Insight, maybe, yes. I needed, simply, to get it off my chest, and I do not have many places to go to do so.

I did not mean to offend anyone. I didn't mean to upset anyone. I'm sorry if I did. Yes, I have plans to actually better myself. Until we know where we are settling, I can't act on them, due to differences in location and local community colleges. The plan is still for an August start to schooling.

 

[mininik]

It must be very scary, and sad at times. I just want to ask if you've looked into Online college courses, since you do have a job (at home, being a mom) with access to a computer and the Internet. You could probably even get money to go thanks to your son and financial situation.

 

[RainSong]

It must be very scary, and sad at times. I just want to ask if you've looked into Online college courses, since you do have a job (at home, being a mom) with access to a computer and the Internet. You could probably even get money to go thanks to your son and financial situation.

Actually, that's exactly what the plan is until my son can be in daycare or preschool or Head Start. The college I was planning on attending did not have online GED courses, so I was planning to work on one of their other programs (which I was aiming to complete to qualify for work with the State of Oregon) until I could attend the on campus GED courses.

The possibly/probable change in home locations has changed that a little, as where we're thinking to move to (closer to Dave's work) is out of area for this community college- they charge you a fee to attend if you're out of their area. There is a good community college up there, though, which is where I would be attending when we move. Same idea- as many online courses as possible until Nathan is able to be cared for while I attend classes.

The good thing is if we do move up there, my best friend (they adore each other, Nathan and Her) may be able to watch Nathan while I attend my classes, so I could finish my schooling sooner.

 

[kaykay]

I used to work as a caseworker in Illinois for the child daycare program. You can apply Im sure in your state. They pay your daycare expenses and school as long as you meet certain income guidelines. Once you finish school they keep paying until your income is enough to stop. Its a great program!

Also there is a great book you can get that teaches you at home how to pass the GED test. That way you dont have to attend classes etc. Just study at home and when your practice scores are high enough go take the real test

 

[Jill]

I used to help adults study for the GED. If you study (you can self study) you should be able to pass it really in short order. It's basic math, basic language. Unless it's changed a lot in the past decade, it shouldn't be something you need to plot out and plan on, just something you should DO and get it done. There are community resources that can help you study if you do need help.

Reading through this thread, I do feel for your situation on one hand but on the other I cannot help but think how can a grown woman not do all she can to be on her own and self sufficient with her own family, vs. riding the coat tails of another? I've been on my own since I was 18 and just cannot relate.

Lucky you're in this nation where so much of our tax dollars go to programs that help people who need help but darn if it doesn't annoy me when they don't do as much as they can to help themselves. These tax funded programs are not FREE to the people who are out there busting their butts to provide for themselves and pay taxes which go to help others.

Every day is a new opportunity and a chance to turn things around.

 

[RainSong]

I used to work as a caseworker in Illinois for the child daycare program. You can apply Im sure in your state. They pay your daycare expenses and school as long as you meet certain income guidelines. Once you finish school they keep paying until your income is enough to stop. Its a great program!

Also there is a great book you can get that teaches you at home how to pass the GED test. That way you dont have to attend classes etc. Just study at home and when your practice scores are high enough go take the real test

There's a state run daycare program? Geez, I wish our caseworker (Any of the numerous ones we've had) would have mentioned that! I'll have to add it to the things to prod whomever our caseworker is now about, again. Thank you Kay!

Do you know the name of the book? If I can avoid adding more to a student loan, I'd like to- and if I could study for the GED at home it'd be a lot easier, even with Nathan's attempts at not letting me read ANYTHING for more then five minutes unless it's one of his board books ... LOL

He's shaping up to be a book-lover like everyone else in the family

 

[Jill]

Charissa --

Another option is to just sign up for and take the GED. You may pass it based on what you already know. If you don't, then you got a peak at what you need to work on, so it's not a wasted effort.

Jill

Some self study links for your state:

http://www.oregon.gov/CCWD/GED/PDF/GEDOnlineCourses.pdf

http://www.oregon.gov/CCWD/GED/PDF/HomeStudy.pdf

http://www.oregon.gov/CCWD/GED/

 

[lvponies]

You've received some good advice here and I hope it helps guide you down the right path. I'm sorry about everything you're going through, but agree with Bard & Laura that you need to pick yourself up and realize that you're a grownup now and need to take responsibility for your family & your future. You can do it. One step at a time, one day at a time. Push the depression away as best as you can and know in your heart & soul that your family needs you now more then ever.

 

[kaykay]

Here are some of the books on amazon. Look through but be sure to get one with the practice tests as that is really helpful. You can do this!! When you talk to your caseworker as them about "subsidized childcare" That is what most states call it. I really believe it is one of the best government programs out there as it helps women with small children get educated and into the workforce. The whole point being that when you go to work YOUR tax dollars will return what you used and help someone else

ged books for at home

 

[Floridachick]

BRAVO~ to your MOM! You have had how many years to save $?? $400 a month is NOTHING! ITs less than a quarter of what we had to come up with. You are both 2 healthy adults, GROW UP! Work opposite shifts and or work 2 jobs. Make yourself a darn future! No education is no reason for no job. Take care of your baby and STEP UP! I am so sick of our society

 

[Jill]

The whole point being that when you go to work YOUR tax dollars will return what you used and help someone else

Kay is right and that's the idea, and sometimes it actually works.

I wish you enough success that you get to help others all the way up to the 35% bracket.

 

[RainSong]

Here are some of the books on amazon. Look through but be sure to get one with the practice tests as that is really helpful. You can do this!! When you talk to your caseworker as them about "subsidized childcare" That is what most states call it. I really believe it is one of the best government programs out there as it helps women with small children get educated and into the workforce. The whole point being that when you go to work YOUR tax dollars will return what you used and help someone else

ged books for at home

Thanks Kay- I went looking at the local library once for any sort of GED books- it was a joke. And thank you too, for the tip about the childcare.

Heaven knows we don't mind paying our taxes to help fund these programs. I'm not ashamed to use them if I need to, and I certianly hope no one else is. If it helps you get to your own point where you can work, it's worth it.

BRAVO~ to your MOM! You have had how many years to save $?? $400 a month is NOTHING! ITs less than a quarter of what we had to come up with. You are both 2 healthy adults, GROW UP! Work opposite shifts and or work 2 jobs. Make yourself a darn future! No education is no reason for no job. Take care of your baby and STEP UP! I am so sick of our society

Wow. Nice to see common courtesy still exists.

You've received some good advice here and I hope it helps guide you down the right path. I'm sorry about everything you're going through, but agree with Bard & Laura that you need to pick yourself up and realize that you're a grownup now and need to take responsibility for your family & your future. You can do it. One step at a time, one day at a time. Push the depression away as best as you can and know in your heart & soul that your family needs you now more then ever.

That is exactly what we are doing, and have been TRYING to do.

__

Again, thank you all for your well wishes, and to those who've offered advice - thank you for that too. It is greatly appreciated

I requested a thread lock, since some people have taken this a bit too far, I think, and this forum doesn't need that sort of thing.

Thank you.