I thought you all might get a kick out of this.

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CountryHaven

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1. Women are innately self-conscious. This is not a choice; it's a genderwide condition. On a bad day, I look in the mirror and see my ten-pound-heavier alter ego. Her name is Bertha. On a really bad day, Bertha sees her two-hundred-pound-heavier alter ego. Her name is Brian Dennehy.

2. Women produce half the world's food but own only 1 percent of its farmland. So we're fine with you picking up the tab. And after about three thousand dinners at Nobu, we should be even

3. Women like porn, too. We just hate it when you hide the porn.

4. Women remember everything . Don't believe me? Ask your girlfriend where you met. She won't tell you it was at a party. She'll say it was a Thursday, she had just come from dinner, where she ate a veggie burger, and she was wearing her friend Cathy's pink top, which was big on her because Cathy is a big girl. You were wearing a blue button-down, drinking a Jack and Coke with two straws, and talking to Bill, that mutual friend. She waved and you gave her the "what's up" nod. This still infuriates her. ("How could you give me the nod?")

5. An eyelash curler, while mean and ferocious looking, is not a weapon.

6. No matter how much your woman loves you, there are going to be three to seven days each month when she wants you dead. (She may even quietly fantasize about turning her eyelash curler against you.) You have two options: Tie yourself to a tree and wait out the storm, or stock up at Tiffany's, toss a blue box or two into the wind, and hope for the best. We recommend the latter. (The key chain doesn't count.)

7. We think it's weird when you watch sports and concentrate to help your team.

8. "Hey, Melissa, who's the boss?" Not a good pickup line. "Hey, Phoebe, where'd you park your broomstick?" Not a good pickup line. "Hey, Alyssa, you look 250 pounds lighter than Brian Dennehy in that dress." Surprisingly good pickup line.

9. Women hear better than men. That's before you even factor in listening skills and attention spans. Come to think of it, I should have listed this one first because I'm sure I've lost you by now.

10. You may be surprised to know that women were responsible for inventing all of the following: the circular saw, the signal flare, the space suit, the bulletproof vest, and the windshield wiper. You're welcome.

© 2006 by Hearst Communications Inc
 
My favs are numbers 2, 9, and 10.

There's been many many times I've commented to the family -- "Do you realize that I have just fed every living thing - human, animal, and plant! on this property???"

Of course most of us females can attest to informing the males in the household of some very important and urgent information -- such as there's a leak happening in a pipe pushing up the back yard lawn? But they don't hear it until the next morning when they go outside and notice it for themselves......

And lastly.......I knew about the windshield wiper invention. Loved learning about the other's......adds more fuel to the female fire. :lol:

MA
 

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