I'm so very sorry to hear this. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
I lost my sister far too young and totally unexpectedly and it was very hard.....she had a stroke and did live for a couple of days on a respirator but had so much brain damage and swelling that she didn't make it and I didn't get there in time to see her before she died which I will always regret. We were in the midst of a bad snowstorm, she was four hours away and we needed to arrange for someone to watch our house and care for our animals and all along I thought she was going to be ok and didn't realize the life or death urgency. I'm so sorry about your brother but you are lucky he went peacefully. I'd have rather have had my sister not suffer like she did.
I also lost an aunt and uncle a few weeks ago and my uncle was diagnosed a year ago with cancer and suffered terribly and toward the end he was just a shell of his former self. It was very hard and very sad to see him go through that and him knowing eventually he was going to die, no matter what, was hard for him to deal with and he spent so much time worrying about his family and wanting to tie up loose ends and wrap his life up. That was so hard on his family.
My aunt - was always lively and energetic and a week after my uncle's funeral, she went to bed and never woke up. They think it was a massive heart attack for her, dying very peacefully and quickly and with no suffering and in many ways it was so much easier for her family, especially her children.
Don't know if sharing any of that is any help at all, but I do know what you are going through.
Nothing makes it any better either and there isn't much anyone can say that will help. I'm the sort that prefers to deal with it quietly and by myself so for me, being alone or spending time with the horses help a lot, spending time alone with them or just talking to them about it all. Time passes and the pain isn't as intense but it will always be there and it will still hurt and no matter what you are changed forever. Try to keep all the good memories close and keep yourself busy this week.
I know with my sister, by the time we had her funeral myself and my three brothers had already gone through a lot of grief and sadness privately and at the funeral we got to the point were we were bringing up a lot of old funny memories of our sister and I am sure people thought we were totally inapropriate because we were whispering and snickering and giggling together and not acting our ages at all. It was the closest I've ever felt to my brothers and even to my sister and it really helped us get through her funeral.
In the middle of the funeral my oldest brother whispered to the rest of us "just think, eventually there will be just one of us left sitting here" and I looked down the pew at them and said "well, since I'm the youngest, odds are it will be me" and we all looked at each other and almost lost it. It doesn't sound very funny now but for some reason it was hilarious to us at that time. I guess humor helped us get through the funeral and those first few weeks after, but that probably wouldn't work for everybody.
In a way, her death helped get us involved in miniature horses, because that year I was recovering from surgery to fuse two vertebra in my neck with donor bone and titanium hardware and had been told I shouldn't ride horses anymore and my sister died February 4th and at the end of February we went to a mini horse and pony sale and I was still really down and I think part of us buying a mini at that sale had to do with my husband feeling sorry for me dealing with my sisters death andbecause I couldn't ride anymore and I was talking about getting out of having horses entirely and then we heard about mini horses and all that they could do and my husband bought us that first one at that sale and the rest is history.
