Jill
Aspiring Cowgirl
Hi, Everyone --
Last week, we lost my shih-tzu golden child / best friend, Winston. He was only 10yo, which for the breed is not old. However, Winston had some health issues all his life so I think he was older than his years. I also think he is / was an old soul on the inside.
Tuesday afternoon, he was fine. That evening, he only ate half his dinner but that is not remarkable really. He had been on prescription food for years due to kidney stones (had had two prior surgeries) and he really didn't like the food.
That night, he was just progressively uncomfortable so to the vets on Wednesday morning. They radio graphed and saw some inflammation in his intestines. We left him there for pain meds, IV fluid, other meds, etc. Talked to them that evening and he had had a seizure. Blood had been drawn that morning but results not available until Thursday morning.
He passed away Wednesday night. I am sure it was at 11:35pm. I woke up then and was up the rest of the night. I'd been up watching him nearly all of the prior night. I knew. He came to me to let me know, I have no doubt. Vet called around 7:30 confirming he had passed away.
The blood work showed his liver was shot. It's a blur but a level of something should have been under 180 and was over 5,000. The vet feels he had a tumor in his liver and it ruptured.
I just have not been up to posting...
..................
To some of you, it probably will sound like I've just had an easy life, but loosing Winston hurts so much. Nothing in my life has ever been more painful.
On Friday, though, I just would start to feel a little more composed and then right away, I'd make myself think of things that would make me cry hysterically for a LONG time (I mean, sobbing so much my back ached). Then feeling composed to do it again. Over and over. I did this same thing the first time I had a miscarriage. It's like this compulsion to do NOTHING but wallow and wallow in it. It makes it completely impossible for me to function or even watch a stupid tv show and follow it. It's just a bad way to let yourself be. When I had my subsequent miscarriages, my OBGYN gave me low dose Xanax and it stopped me from that behavior. Doesn't make me "not sad" but keeps me from that wallowing for hours and hours on end, only to stop and then start it right back up again. God bless my regular doctor. He understood what I was saying and gave me a prescription, which I have only used maybe 8 pills from but I needed them and keeping them in my purse in case it comes on when I'm at the office. It's not like something to get me over being sad, but something that helps me to not wallow and wallow and wallow... (I do not know if any of you have ever had this kind of problem but if you do, maybe some short term medicine could also help you get past the behavior like it does for me.)
Winston was so special. He'd be very cranky when he was sleepy in the evening but any other time, he was just "so good of heart". Always happy and when we would come home from work or when it was before dinner or breakfast, the food he didn't even really enjoy (prescription), he would always get a stuffed animal and run around the house very visibly celebrating. He was eternally optimistic that we'd put something he liked better in his bowl. All he wanted out of life was he love of his mom and dad, and some good food (oh and his 100 or so stuffed animals).
We bought him in 1998. An ad in the paper and when we showed up at a house, they asked "what puppies did you want to see?" It turned out, it was like a puppy mill / puppy broker. But we were there to get a puppy and we obviously picked Winston. He was THE ONE OMG big time. However, we live in VA, he was born in OK and he was 6wks old the day he came into our lives. He was taken from his fur mother WAY too young. As a result, though, he had a nursing behavior all his life. When he would be happy or if he was (so rarely) scolded, he would grab a stuffed animal and lay with it in his mouth and kneed the animal with his eyes closed mimicking nursing. It was just adorable and I have not ever seen a dog do that kind of thing.
On days when both Harvey and I would be staying home, he'd realize we were not going out or to work, and he'd be so happy. He was just so loving, and so smart. Knew so many words and when I would hold him on my lap or on my stomach, he would gaze into my eyes for time on end.
We have other dogs, and we love them, but it was just so deep and so special with Winston. Nothing else compares. I had told him for years don't ever leave me because I can't be without you. This past year, I started telling him when he has to go, please find a way back. I probably sound crazy, but I do think that certain close relationships are bound forever, and that can include special pets. I think my parents' dog did come back in a dog they now have, etc. My parents and I even think we know the moment Ollie came into / joined Murphy (@ 6wks old during a visit with him before he was old enough to come home, he fell asleep in my dad's arms and then when he woke up, his fur mom was checking him out intensely).
This weekend, we are going to get a new puppy. It's soon but I just feel this is right and specifically, this is the right puppy. On Friday of last week, on the sales board here, I saw an ad that included Shih-Tzu puppies. I have not ever seen shih-tzu puppies for sale there before. I thought "okay, maybe this is important."
Looked at the details of the ad and it's from a lady I know through here and also talked to her some at a show years ago. Our own "4mymirage"! Years ago after Winston's first surgery, Cheryl (4mymirage) reached out to me privately with advice on how to get him to eat. The surgeon stressed I had to, and I couldn't get him to. I was syringing baby food and he kept spitting it out. She is a small animal vet and I was so touched and so helped by her advice, I never forgot it and always felt grateful. So, this too, I feel is a "sign" that a puppy from her is right.
Cheryl sent me photos and there is one puppy that has a Winston expression all over his face. He also has a partial black mask on the opposite side as did Winston. In a picture of him and other puppies in the grass, I found a four leaf clover pointing at him. His mother's face is like a girl version of Winston in the features. Over the past few days, I just feel so at peace that this is the puppy and it will help so much. I honestly feel Winston got into him or at least will be in his ear.
He will be known as Watson. He is in North Carolina about 180 miles from us. Harvey and I are leaving early (5am? 6am?) Saturday morning to go get our fur son. I can't wait. Thinking about meeting him in person chokes me up. I just can't wait and cannot say how much I need a puppy to raise and spoil to the point of charmingly obnoxious like we did with Winston who was my constant companion and someone I was always talking to, singing to, touching.
After we get him home, I will post pictures. Cheryl is saving two puppies, but it's the one I keep thinking of that I just think will jump into my heart for sure!
Thank you for listening. A lot of you know what Winston was to me, and I know a lot of you have your own very special relationships with your pets, so I know you know how I feel. I have been checking in and reading updates on our members, but just hadn't been up to posting and didn't want to jump into a conversation before I let you all know about Winston.
Jill
PS I do want to show one picture. Doesn't really "introduce" Watson as you can't see his face (saving that for Saturday or Sunday!), but I want to show the four leaf clover -- one of "the signs"-- also, four leaf clovers have been significant to me always. When I am looking for my own good luck, I will look for one and when I've had a horse who I want to have especially good luck, I will find one and feed it to him or her. So it's not "just" a four leaf clover, it's that they are significant to me.
Last week, we lost my shih-tzu golden child / best friend, Winston. He was only 10yo, which for the breed is not old. However, Winston had some health issues all his life so I think he was older than his years. I also think he is / was an old soul on the inside.
Tuesday afternoon, he was fine. That evening, he only ate half his dinner but that is not remarkable really. He had been on prescription food for years due to kidney stones (had had two prior surgeries) and he really didn't like the food.
That night, he was just progressively uncomfortable so to the vets on Wednesday morning. They radio graphed and saw some inflammation in his intestines. We left him there for pain meds, IV fluid, other meds, etc. Talked to them that evening and he had had a seizure. Blood had been drawn that morning but results not available until Thursday morning.
He passed away Wednesday night. I am sure it was at 11:35pm. I woke up then and was up the rest of the night. I'd been up watching him nearly all of the prior night. I knew. He came to me to let me know, I have no doubt. Vet called around 7:30 confirming he had passed away.
The blood work showed his liver was shot. It's a blur but a level of something should have been under 180 and was over 5,000. The vet feels he had a tumor in his liver and it ruptured.
I just have not been up to posting...
..................
To some of you, it probably will sound like I've just had an easy life, but loosing Winston hurts so much. Nothing in my life has ever been more painful.
On Friday, though, I just would start to feel a little more composed and then right away, I'd make myself think of things that would make me cry hysterically for a LONG time (I mean, sobbing so much my back ached). Then feeling composed to do it again. Over and over. I did this same thing the first time I had a miscarriage. It's like this compulsion to do NOTHING but wallow and wallow in it. It makes it completely impossible for me to function or even watch a stupid tv show and follow it. It's just a bad way to let yourself be. When I had my subsequent miscarriages, my OBGYN gave me low dose Xanax and it stopped me from that behavior. Doesn't make me "not sad" but keeps me from that wallowing for hours and hours on end, only to stop and then start it right back up again. God bless my regular doctor. He understood what I was saying and gave me a prescription, which I have only used maybe 8 pills from but I needed them and keeping them in my purse in case it comes on when I'm at the office. It's not like something to get me over being sad, but something that helps me to not wallow and wallow and wallow... (I do not know if any of you have ever had this kind of problem but if you do, maybe some short term medicine could also help you get past the behavior like it does for me.)
Winston was so special. He'd be very cranky when he was sleepy in the evening but any other time, he was just "so good of heart". Always happy and when we would come home from work or when it was before dinner or breakfast, the food he didn't even really enjoy (prescription), he would always get a stuffed animal and run around the house very visibly celebrating. He was eternally optimistic that we'd put something he liked better in his bowl. All he wanted out of life was he love of his mom and dad, and some good food (oh and his 100 or so stuffed animals).
We bought him in 1998. An ad in the paper and when we showed up at a house, they asked "what puppies did you want to see?" It turned out, it was like a puppy mill / puppy broker. But we were there to get a puppy and we obviously picked Winston. He was THE ONE OMG big time. However, we live in VA, he was born in OK and he was 6wks old the day he came into our lives. He was taken from his fur mother WAY too young. As a result, though, he had a nursing behavior all his life. When he would be happy or if he was (so rarely) scolded, he would grab a stuffed animal and lay with it in his mouth and kneed the animal with his eyes closed mimicking nursing. It was just adorable and I have not ever seen a dog do that kind of thing.
On days when both Harvey and I would be staying home, he'd realize we were not going out or to work, and he'd be so happy. He was just so loving, and so smart. Knew so many words and when I would hold him on my lap or on my stomach, he would gaze into my eyes for time on end.
We have other dogs, and we love them, but it was just so deep and so special with Winston. Nothing else compares. I had told him for years don't ever leave me because I can't be without you. This past year, I started telling him when he has to go, please find a way back. I probably sound crazy, but I do think that certain close relationships are bound forever, and that can include special pets. I think my parents' dog did come back in a dog they now have, etc. My parents and I even think we know the moment Ollie came into / joined Murphy (@ 6wks old during a visit with him before he was old enough to come home, he fell asleep in my dad's arms and then when he woke up, his fur mom was checking him out intensely).
This weekend, we are going to get a new puppy. It's soon but I just feel this is right and specifically, this is the right puppy. On Friday of last week, on the sales board here, I saw an ad that included Shih-Tzu puppies. I have not ever seen shih-tzu puppies for sale there before. I thought "okay, maybe this is important."
Looked at the details of the ad and it's from a lady I know through here and also talked to her some at a show years ago. Our own "4mymirage"! Years ago after Winston's first surgery, Cheryl (4mymirage) reached out to me privately with advice on how to get him to eat. The surgeon stressed I had to, and I couldn't get him to. I was syringing baby food and he kept spitting it out. She is a small animal vet and I was so touched and so helped by her advice, I never forgot it and always felt grateful. So, this too, I feel is a "sign" that a puppy from her is right.
Cheryl sent me photos and there is one puppy that has a Winston expression all over his face. He also has a partial black mask on the opposite side as did Winston. In a picture of him and other puppies in the grass, I found a four leaf clover pointing at him. His mother's face is like a girl version of Winston in the features. Over the past few days, I just feel so at peace that this is the puppy and it will help so much. I honestly feel Winston got into him or at least will be in his ear.
He will be known as Watson. He is in North Carolina about 180 miles from us. Harvey and I are leaving early (5am? 6am?) Saturday morning to go get our fur son. I can't wait. Thinking about meeting him in person chokes me up. I just can't wait and cannot say how much I need a puppy to raise and spoil to the point of charmingly obnoxious like we did with Winston who was my constant companion and someone I was always talking to, singing to, touching.
After we get him home, I will post pictures. Cheryl is saving two puppies, but it's the one I keep thinking of that I just think will jump into my heart for sure!
Thank you for listening. A lot of you know what Winston was to me, and I know a lot of you have your own very special relationships with your pets, so I know you know how I feel. I have been checking in and reading updates on our members, but just hadn't been up to posting and didn't want to jump into a conversation before I let you all know about Winston.
Jill
PS I do want to show one picture. Doesn't really "introduce" Watson as you can't see his face (saving that for Saturday or Sunday!), but I want to show the four leaf clover -- one of "the signs"-- also, four leaf clovers have been significant to me always. When I am looking for my own good luck, I will look for one and when I've had a horse who I want to have especially good luck, I will find one and feed it to him or her. So it's not "just" a four leaf clover, it's that they are significant to me.
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