Do you tell your partner 'everything'?

[maplegum]

[SIZE=12pt]We have friends that were having marital issues and have seperated.[/SIZE]

Hubby went to visit the 'male'.

When he arrived home, I asked how things went and he said he couldn't tell me as he was asked not to say anything to anyone.

Should that include me, his wife?

I was rather shocked to tell you the truth. If he did tell me what the conversation was about, it would not go any further than the 2 of us.

I am of the belief that you have no secrets and share everything with your partner.

 

[minimule]

Dave and I share everything. However, I do believe there are times that some things aren't my business. He has his friends and I have mine. If one of his friends confides in him, I don't feel I need to know what it was. I respect him for keeping some things from me. Maybe this is how it is with your's in this situation. Just a thought. I'm not meaning this to be rude either. It's just a personal thing.

 

[capall beag]

Simple answer, NO!!!

I certainly don't tell my husband everything and I know he doesn't tell me either!

Honestly, I don't need to know everything!

I guess everyone is different. I am a talker and tend to express my emotions and everything else

My husband is not a talker and holds everything in. So I respect that.

I also feel that if a friend shares information with me in confidence it is private. I would not share it with my husband unless she told me I could.

Likewise, if I share a personal secret with a good friend I hope she won't tell her husband.

But I have friends who feel like you do and they share everything!

 

[Marty]

We usually share everything but if we don't, it's because we are protecting each other from something potentially hurtful.

If my friend asked me to keep a confidence I surely would such as the one your husband is keeping from you and I wouldn't think anything of it other than giving my word to keep a secret a secret.

 

[Miniv]

Ouch.......Touchy subject. This is where it comes down to trusting your spouse.

If the secret has nothing to do with you personally, your spouse, or the family.....then it's probably safe to make a promise not to share.

However, if it's something that MAY effect any of the above, I have been known to warn the person that I may share the "secret" with my husband if necessary.......

I think Marty's response is also a good one.......If it's hurtful to the spouse and not helpful, why share? But, there's also circumstances where it may be hurtful AND helpful too........so..........

I guess in the long run it's best to only make a promise you KNOW you can keep.......otherwise, be sure to warn the person telling the secret.

Clear as mud???

 

[Brandi*]

I am of the belief that "we" share everything. If I ever found out different I would probably be shattered. And that in itself is living in a dream world. I think, in a way I set myself up for heartache. Its so easy to think of "us" as one. And for the most part we do share everything and anything. Even when it's supposed to be a secret, we tell each other. I think most of our family and friends just assume that if they tell one of us something, the other one will know too.

There is only one thing that he won't tell me so far, 5 years into our marriage....and that is what a saying means between him, his brother and their childhood best friend. "I'm going to the store. I gotta get some raisens"

He refuses to tell me what the heck that means lol

But I can live with that lol

Leonie, I would probably feel the same way you are. I would be very hurt and confused. I have no advice but I did want you to know that you are absolutely not alone in your feeling that way.

 

[Sonya]

Yes, we do, I tell my husband everything and anything. We are slightly different than most couples, as we do everything together....I mean everything. I am his hunting, fishing, boating partner, everything we do is together, always. The only time we are not together is at work (we both do the same job but at different places and work the exact same shifts, we also know each other's co-workers very well, tight night field). He does go on a fishing trip once a year with his Dad for a week, that is the only time we are apart. I'm not very girly...I do not like to shop or anything like that, I like to be outdoors. We are each other's best friends, so of course I tell him everything. Even if someone told me not to tell him something, I would, unless like Marty said if it is something that would hurt him, then I might keep it quiet, but so far have not run into that situation. It works for us, but may not work for everyone.

 

[Jill]

I don't tell H everything, but that's only because that would be too tedious

I do not not tell him something on purpose unless it's some kind of surprise. For the record, do not tell me anything you don't want me to tell Harvey, because I don't keep secrets from him. But, anything I tell him not to tell others goes no further. I never tell someone with a spouse or significant other anything I expect them not to tell their spouse / significant other.

 

[minimomNC]

Audie and I told each other everything. We both knew without saying that it would go no farther. I trusted him with my heart and soul, why wouldn't I trust him with a secret.

 

[Basketmiss]

We just had our 18 year anniversary and we tell each other everything.

We have lots of friends who DONT, I mean the guy tells my husband and the girl tells me but they DONT talk themselves! They have marital issues because of this. Communication is the Most important thing in a marriage I think, all the others things are good be themselves but communication just ties them all together..

I agree not to tell hurtful things to anyone, what is the point to make someone feel bad. is not something I like to do..

Though I wouldnt be mad at your husband for not telling this thing if it doesnt pertain to you or your husband, he doesnt mean it personally, he is just keeping his friends confidence...

 

[KanoasDestiny]

My husband and I have the EXACT same type of relationship as Sonya and her husband do. He is my best friend and we do EVERYTHING together. We tell each other everything, and often use that comfort, to vent to each other about things. If he refused to tell me something, I think it would upset me because I'd feel it was something personal dealing with us.

 

[txminipinto]

Nope. And I don't think I want to know everything. We talk about the important stuff, but friends' issues aren't important to our issues. Plus, there's this guy code about not telling the girls certain stuff anyway. It's ok, I have the girls' code.

 

[cretahillsgal]

My friends/family know that if they tell me something, then my husband will know about it too. So if they don't want him to know, then they just keep it to themselves.

My husband and I are each others best friends. As another poster said we do everything together. We also hunt, fish and work together. I do worry sometimes that he will get sick of me but it hasn't happened yet.