Dan's First Date,. way too funny!

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Marty

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Jerry and I, Michael and Dan were going to Chattanooga to the Haunted Corn Maize at the bottom of Lookout Mountain for a rare night out, and Dan got permission to take his little girlfriend---the new one with the very strict parents after I had to speak to both of them about three times to convince them we'd take good care of her. She's never had a date before either.

She lived in the middle of nowhere on another mountain range and the directions were not working and we became lost. No road signs anywhere of course. We left home at 6:00 pm but by 7:30 we were just really, really, really lost in no man's land and Jerry didn't have his cell phone. We found ourselves driving endlessley on dirt steep winding roads over looking gorges that would barely fit our truck with no guard rails. By that time Dan referred to himself as a "dead duck." "The father", a military man appreciated punctuality and here we were terribly late. We all had been warned about "the father." By the time we made it back to civiliation to get to a pay phone to call and explain, apologize, and grovel, etc., no one had two quarters. Did you know a pay phone was fifty cents? I didn't. So then we had to go get change furter up the road at a store. Drove back to the pay phones and they didn't work and ate the money so we had to find new pay phones that did work and get more quarters. Up the road yet again and finally found pay phones that did work.

We got new directions and tried again. We finally found the place and now we were well over two hours late and Dan was scared to go to the door and face "the father"......Well "the father" answered the door with a very nasty look on his face while we waited out in the truck and we were all really dreading it for Dan. He invited him inside the torture chamber and that is what it was like for Dan.

Dan walked in and the first thing that happened was that he accidently somehow knocked over a glass of water on an antique table and broke it. "The father" was raking him over the coals left and right about how clumsy he was and how expensive that table was and poor Dan was really freaking out apoligizing left and right and he said his legs were shaking and knees knocking together. He offered to clean it up and work to get the table repaired but the father said that it was a complete loss and could not be replaced as it was in the family for two hundred years. Dan was about ready to cry, or actually, from what I hear, he did tear up a little bit.

Well, the joke was on him! "The Father" had set him up with a trick broken glass that looked like it was broken and had water spilling out of it!!!! At that, poor Dan just held back the tears and broke down laughing his head off.

Then, "the father" gave him this:

Application for Permission to Date My Daughter

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless

accompanied by a complete financial statement job history, lineage, and

current medical report from your doctor.

1. NAME _______________________________ DATE OF BIRTH _______________

2. HEIGHT _________________ WEIGHT __________ I.Q _______ G.P.A.______

3. SOCIAL SECURITY # _____________ DRIVERS LICENSE # ________________

4. BOY SCOUT RANK_____________________________________________________

5. HOME ADDRESS _________________ CITY/STATE ___________ ZIP _________

6. Do you have one MALE and one FEMALE parent?________________________

If No., EXPLAIN ________________________________________________

7. Number of years your parents have been married ____________________

8. Do you own a van? ______ A truck with oversized tires? ______

A waterbed? _______ Do you have an earring, nose ring, or belly

button ring? ________ A tattoo_________________

(If "yes" to any of #8, discontinue application and leave

premises)

9. In 50 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to you?__________________

_______________________________________________________________________

10. In 50 words or lest, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you?

_______________________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________________

11. In 50 words or less, what does 'ABSTINENCE" mean to you?

_______________________________________________________________________

12. Church you attend __________ How often do you attend ______________

13. When would be the best time to interview your father, mother and

priest/rabbi/minister? __________

14. Answer by filling in the blank: please answer freely. ALL answers

are confidential (That means I won't tell anyone-ever-I promise.)

a) If I were shot the last place on my body I would want wounded is

________

b) If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my

________________

c) A woman's place is in the ______________________________________

d) The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is

_____________

e) When I first meet a girl, the first thing I notice about her Is

(NOTE: If your answer begins with "T" or "A", discontinue. Leave

premises keeping your head low and running in a serpentine

fashion is advised.)

15. What do you want to be IF you grow up?

__________________________________

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT

TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT,

NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE,

RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.

________________________________________

Signature( That means your name, moron)

Thank you for your interest Please allow four to six years for

processing. You will be notified in writing you are approved. Please do

not try to call or write (since you probably can't and it would cause

you injury.) if your application is rejected, you will be notified by

two gentlemen weaning white ties and carrying violin cases (You might

want to watch your back)

Well poor Dan was besides himself when he found out that he had been had. Both parents were very understanding that we got lost out there and didn't hold it against us. But seeing as how we were already so late and Lookout Mountain would be another hour away, we instead took the girlfriend out to dinner at a local Italian Restaraunt. Well Dan outdid himself. The little girlfriend is a drop dead beautiful knockout and as shy as he is. We hardly heard a peep out of them all night.

So tonite, Saturday night, everyone left early and went to the Haunted Corn Maize and this time, Michael has a date too, but her parents won't be home when they pick her up thank goodness for that!

I stayed home to do some housework so they wouldn't be all squished up having to ride 4 people in the back seat of the truck. I'll go another time because I really have a lot of stuff I have to get done tonite to free me up for tomorrow's barn work.

Just had to share. I thought it was hillareous.
 
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What a sweet story.
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Made me laugh. Loved the contract too. I bet Dan was so scared when he knocked over the glass the water. Her Dad sounds like a neat kinda guy. I bet Dan stays in line with his daughter and him!
 
I like how this father handled it.

He managed to establish a lasting memory of dominance while still giving your son a funny story to tell.

I'm going to have to remember that one some day.
 
That was such a cute story...I had to smile when I saw the contract because I remember my dad getting that when I was in High School. He never did give it to anyone thank goodness
 
awwwww

that reminds me of what we did to jake. Last year (or a year or two ago ..idk) we did that to him. Well at my school on our website we have this thing called 'halls of CHS' where basically we get candid pics of ppl during school and post them on there w/ a funny thing under it saying some smart comment. Well we got a pic of him and put it on there then made this place where they could click to download/print off an application. It was just like that one exept for a few qestions we found on the internet. It was far to funny.

Marty, i've been admiring that Dan of yourse since seeing him on youe website. You sure know how to grow em'. Sure beets these ohio boys around here
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Leeana
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your poor son but it sure was funny.
 
Oh Marty that is sooooo funny! Poor Dan. I hope tonight was a lot easier on him.

We had one of those contracts for the boys that came to take our grand-daughter out. They are fun give a guy and watch then his reactions.
 
That contract is sooo good. I am going to print that off for my husband to use when our two girls are of dating age...somewhere around 30!
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It beats walking to the door with a gun.
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And poor Dan. Guess YOU don't have to worry about what he's doing tonight. I bet he doesn't take any chances and that man's daughter arrives home safe and sound at precisely the agreed upon time.
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Aww, poor Dan lol but that's hilarious! I just have to make sure my dad doesn't get a hold of that contract or practical joke...
 
What a cute story...I'm sure he will always remember it!

When my now hubby came to pick me up for our first date (I was 23 by the way)...my father was sitting on the front porch with a rifle on his lap and told future hubby..."you know that's my baby don't you?" ...I'm suprised hubby ever asked me out again.
 
Oh I love it! LOL!! It also sounds like some kind of "test", which it sounds like Dan passed with flying colors.
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Wow...that's really funny! Is that contract for real though?! How embarassing if it is!!!!

Glad to hear it all turned out ok!

I thought things like sitting on the porch with a gun only happened in movies!!!!
 
Poor Boy! But very cute...

Love the contract, my Brother in law would love to have one for his daughter. Goodness he is going to have fits, she is 15 years old now.
 
Fordney Farms said:
What a cute story...I'm sure he will always remember it!
When my now hubby came to pick me up for our first date (I was 23 by the way)...my father was sitting on the front porch with a rifle on his lap and told future hubby..."you know that's my baby don't you?" ...I'm suprised hubby ever asked me out again.

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LOL! My father was sitting at the table cleaning his rifles and his 44 pistols. As he was doing so he was of course giving my now hubby the lecture about having me home on time and not touching me.

Lucky for my hubby... I knew this was going to happen and I forwarned him about it.

But you should have seen my hubby stutter and turn weak when I told him that he had to ask my father for my hand in marriage. Of course I told my father much earlier in the day that he had proposed. LOL... My father sure made it really really difficult on my hubby. It was quite funny actually.

Glad that Dan's ordeal worked out. Sounds like the father is strict but has a good sense of humor.
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Oh, that's sooo funny, Marty! Good thing Dan is raised in the home God gave him! Weaker souls would have melted under the pressure! Good for Dan! Can you imagine how embarrassed the poor daughter felt by her father's behavior? The one thing I can't figure out is how the kids could be so quiet at a dinner table with the Garrison family.
 

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