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KanoasDestiny

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Let's say you had someone in your immediate family that viciously murdered someone. Would you be accepting of the crime, or the person that committed it? I don't want to get into specifics, but my sister in law murdered her 3 year old child, and tried killing her infant child as well, about 15 years ago. Riverside police said it was the worst child-involved crime they had ever seen. She served 10 years in an institution, where she bragged about "hooking up" with fellow patients, got out and started dating a drug dealer while pushing her 19 year old brother to purchase drugs from him, started working in a bar where she would drink herself into a faint, and basically has shown that she is not in the least remorseful for what she did.

I refuse to have anything to do with her, and have missed almost every family occasion that she has been invited to. I feel in my heart that she is the same monster she was then, and I fear it will only take something little, to set her off again. I refuse to put my life in danger. Mark also has as little to do with her as possible, as he feels the same way about her as I do. We are the only ones who have not accepted her eagerly back into our lives, therefore, we are the outcasts and no one understands or respects our decision to stay away from her. I currently have a family member who is upset at me because she has recently started letting her 2 year old daughter be around my sister-in-law, and I made the comment that it is child endangerment.

Is this a case where we should forgive and forget, just like the rest of the family has...or do I have just cause to not socialize with her?
 

shelia

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Wow! Well I think you already know the answer to your question. The question you probably want to ask is how easy it is living without associating with any of those family members. It can be quite easy. You don't have to be around them during holidays or ever. Plenty of people do not spend time with family member during holidays and are just as happy. If you feel the need to be around a large group during holidays then invite friends over.

Don't get frustrated because other family members don't see things your way. They are putting themselves and there children in danger and it is sad for you to see this, but you can't change everybody. You have to look out for yourself and your immediate family first. Just let go of that world. Don't try to fix things. If you are not careful you could be sucked in and lose your rational thinking. Don't feel guilty about it. Trust your instincts.
 

Keri

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I totally understand. I cute all ties with my parents. They were mentally abusing and overall made me feel just horrible. I haven't spoken to them in over 2 years. My life is so much better....no depression, etc. that I would get when I was around them. You need to do what's best for you and your family.....whether its family involved or not.
 

Pepipony

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There are 2 types of people in this world, those that listen to their guts, and those that dont. You are listening to yours. I can forgive to a point, but what you are dealing with, to me, is unforgivable. Maybe go to a family function and stay away from her or at most, be cordial. Just follow your gut. JMHO
 

Charley

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No, you are not wrong...you are very wise!
 

Miniv

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Are you asking if you are judging her??? I don't think that is the issue......... Staying away from her is VERY SMART. Just reading about her.......she oozes Evil Energy........Why invite that anywhere close to you? And the parent who allows her small one to spend time with her IS practicing "child endangerment", IMO!!!
 

Minimor

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I think you are doing the right thing. If I were in your situation, I would stay away from her just because of her present behaviour and the company she is keeping. I want no part of anyone that is associating with a drug dealer, and especially if she is encouraging a younger relative to purchase drugs. That last one alone would keep me away from her--I'd be afraid she'd be pushing drugs on my children next!
 

nootka

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No, you are not in the wrong. This person should not be invited to group gatherings, IMO, but should be "visited with" singly by those that choose to accept her after what she did.

I would not hesitate to do as you have done, and I have had to with both my sister and my mother, though my mother is deceased, and neither killed anyone directly, my mother orchestrated a murder, and my sister was behaving the exact same way that she did.

People don't understand, but we have to protect ourselves and our children.

Liz
 

Brandi*

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You can forgive but still be smart about it. In life we have to choose who to be around and that is what you are doing. I wouldn't want to be around her either, especially if I had kids.
 

AppyLover2

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I guess legally she's paid for her crime but, to me, her lack of remorse and the way she's behaving now would keep me away too. Everyone involved must make their own decision. Mine would be the same as yours.
 

alongman

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I can forgive someone who is remorseful for what they have done. I seldom forget. I can't say I would be doing anything differently than you are doing right now........ I'd rather be the outcast than involved should something "set her off".
 

barnbum

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I think I'd do exactly as you're doing--I feel very thankful your husband agrees so it hasn't come between you. Teamwork and common sense are strong and well in your household.
 

CyndiM

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If I had the same situation in my family I would feel the same and act the same as you. IMO you are justified in your feelings and actions.
 

KanoasDestiny

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I think more than anything, my husband is starting to feel like something is wrong with him for not socializing with her, since he is the ONLY one who has chosen not to do so. It's hard to feel good about our choice to stay away, when everyone is pushing her on us, and I wanted to know if others (outside of the family) could see where we were coming from. I truly appreciate all of your responses.
 
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The Simple Life Farm

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I agree with everyone else, I would be doing the same thing. I personally would find it very difficult for me to forgive someone for killing their own child. How sad.
 

ErikaS.

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My grandfather shot (5 times) and killed his son-in-law eleven years ago. He believed that his SIL was abusing his daughter. It may or may not be true- my aunt is mentally unstable and thinks the world is against her. Grandad is unremorseful for what he did and even though his health is slowly failing (he's 88 now), I will probably never see him again.

My father and my step-mother verbally, emotionally and physically abused my brother and me for years. Once I realized that they were wrong, that I didn't deserve how they treated us, I stopped talking to them and seeing them and, like a previous post, I was no longer depressed and had no more panic attacks. After my dad's family found out what had been going on for years they sided with my bro and me. Now no one talks to dad and step-mom.

Sum up- STAY AWAY FROM POISONOUS PEOPLE! Your life will be better if you do.
 

horseplay

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Thank goodness I have never had to deal with such a thing but I think I would be handling it the same way you are. I have no use for anyone who would hurt a child let alone kill their own
. It must be hard to even look at her.
 

Marty

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Would you be accepting of the crime, or the person that committed it? I don't want to get into specifics, but my sister in law murdered her 3 year old child, and tried killing her infant child as well, about 15 years ago. Riverside police said it was the worst child-involved crime they had ever seen.

Are you for real? Accepting of a crime of a child killer?

I think you are the only one with a brain and the rest of your family needs a good dose of reality. Put me in a room with your family for 5 minutes. I'll give them a lesson on the value of the life of a child real quick.

This is absolutely disgusting.

From the wise words of my father:

"Take a stand and stay there."
 

SampleMM

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Why invite trouble, which is what your in-laws are doing.
I think you are 100% correct to stay away from this woman!!

You and your husband are your family therefore, I'd concentrate on your family and the heck with what the rest are doing.
 

Jill

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I wouldn't want anything to do with her either, and I think I'd feel that way based on either the past or the present, but both in one person... no thanks.
 

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