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#1 dixie_belle

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Posted 25 November 2017 - 08:16 AM

I'm not on here often these days, but I do check the back porch from time to time to see what everyone is up to.  Things here are pretty quiet.  Hubby is not very verbal anymore.  I had to take his computer in to the computer guru the other day because he said it was acting up.  Took him 5 minutes to unplug it and an entire day to reattach the four wires and at the end of the day he still couldn't figure it out.  I just let him putter because it kept him busy and then I finally went in there and plugged it in and BINGO it worked.  And this from a man who used to be a software engineer.  Sigh.  It seems like every week he forgets something new.  Last week it was how to operate the remote control for the tv.  I've had to use masking tape to tape off the buttons he isn't allowed to push and even that doesn't help.  The only good thing is that he isn't so bad that he'll wander off so I can go to my homemakers group and my quilting meetings.  Pretty much he spends his time puttering on the computer (it takes him a long time just to figure out how to get to yahoo), and laying on the sofa watching tv under an electric blanket.  He does shuffle out to get the mail every day.  But I have to make sure it gets from his hands to mine as he tends to not give me important things....you know like the new credit card, and the health insurance letters.  Geez.

 

I'd love to be able to look for the silver lining here, but quite frankly, there isn't one.  I can't put him in a home because I am not old enough to collect my SSI yet and the home would take all his income and then I'd have nothing to live on.  So I have to keep him here at least 3 1/2 years longer until I turn 65.

 

I gotta tell you, this is not what I envisioned when I thought about retirement.  I'm really overwhelmed by the enormity of having to do everything for me, the house and him.  And some of the time, I have to fix things he screwed up without telling me.  Just taking care of him is sometimes a full time job.  Get him to his doctors, make sure he has enough of all his medicines, measure out his meds into his weekly medicine case (because he can't figure that out anymore), make sure he remembers to take his meds, and none of the meds expire at the same time so it's not easy to keep track of them. 

 

Thank goodness I quilt or I would go absolutely crazy.  And I worry about me.  Really I do.  He will always have me to take care of him.  But if I get sick, or need something, there is no one for me.  Zippo.  I'm out of luck.  He says "we'll figure it out"  but what he really means is I'll have to figure it out.  As a result, I don't get my checkups because if they find something, well, that's just too bad.  If my breast cancer comes back there is no one to take me to the hospital, no one to take care of him while I'm gone, no one to take care of me when I get back.  So why bother. 

 

OK, I have vented now.  The tears are flowing so I'll sign off.  Dementia is horrible.  Enough said.


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#2 chandab

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Posted 25 November 2017 - 09:26 AM

I clicked like, but not because I like what you are going through, but so you know someone is thinking of you.
I can only imagine how tough what you are going though is, but as someone on the outside looking in, perhaps I have a little more insight as I'm watching my MIL go through similar situation with my FIL.
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#3 Miniv

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Posted 25 November 2017 - 02:03 PM

Clicked "like" for the same reason as Chanda.... My heart goes out to you.  My only input is for you to search around for an In-Home Care person to at least ASSIST you.

We are hitting retirement age too, but haven't needed it (Yet), but know of others in our area who get help and are on a limited income. There are government sponsored outfits who do that sort of thing. Wish I knew more or I'd point you in the right direction..... Maybe someone else here will know.  Do you or your husband have a doctor that you can ask?


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#4 Marsha Cassada

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Posted 25 November 2017 - 06:36 PM

So glad you have your quilt group to help you cope.  Doesn't he have to be the one who is 65 in order to get help, not you?  I'm so sorry to hear of your troubles.  I remember your interesting posts back when things were "normal". 



#5 Cayuse

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Posted 26 November 2017 - 10:51 AM

I clicked the "like" button too, for the same reasons. Dementia IS horrible. I am so sorry that you and he are having to experience it and the effect of it.
Have you asked his doctor if there are any kinds of volunteer help out there that might be available? Or your church if!you have on (or the local one if you don't)?
Sometimes the churches around here have volunteers the will go "visit" with a person so that the significant other can get out of the house for an hour or two. Do you have "meals on wheels" in your area? Getting a meal delivered once a day can be a big help.
Does your husband have medicare/medicaid? I get these two confused, sorry. But it might cover home health care visits if his medical condition meets the criteria and his Dr. approves.

(Please ignore any random ! my kindle throws!them in for no reason)
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#6 REO

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Posted 27 November 2017 - 05:09 PM

Shelley, you're in my prayers every day. I wish I could do something to help you. I wonder if a church might know someone who could help. What I mean is, know of someone that needs a place to live and in exchange for a room, help you out around there and give you some breathing room for yourself.

 

{{{HUGS}}}


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#7 Ryan Johnson

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Posted 27 November 2017 - 07:31 PM

I too am watching my FIL develop dementia, Its a horrible thing and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

 

Im really sorry you are dealing with this. I agree with everyone , into looking for some help at home and around the house. It may give you some "me time" , even if its just to go into town and have a coffee , it will give you that chance to "switch off" for a moment and have some you time.

 

Take care   


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#8 Debby - LB

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Posted 30 November 2017 - 09:41 PM

I clicked like.. didn't want to but I wanted you to know I'm here for you, here listening. Before your third paragraph I'm thinking to myself she has to be crying as she types.... so then the tears started from me. I'm so sorry. I'm glad you feel comfortable to talk to us, happy for you to be able to get all this out because you need to say something .... and to be heard. I/We hear you and are here anytime to listen.

 

i want to say that my family went through something similar when my aunt was sort of in the situation you are as a caregiver. In N,J, they have a caregiver assistance program where (among other things) family members are compensated for caregiving. Georgia doesn't have this program, But I just looked and Ky. does. You may not be eligible but if you want to check it out you can read about it here. God bless you Shelley.


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