I'm not on here often these days, but I do check the back porch from time to time to see what everyone is up to. Things here are pretty quiet. Hubby is not very verbal anymore. I had to take his computer in to the computer guru the other day because he said it was acting up. Took him 5 minutes to unplug it and an entire day to reattach the four wires and at the end of the day he still couldn't figure it out. I just let him putter because it kept him busy and then I finally went in there and plugged it in and BINGO it worked. And this from a man who used to be a software engineer. Sigh. It seems like every week he forgets something new. Last week it was how to operate the remote control for the tv. I've had to use masking tape to tape off the buttons he isn't allowed to push and even that doesn't help. The only good thing is that he isn't so bad that he'll wander off so I can go to my homemakers group and my quilting meetings. Pretty much he spends his time puttering on the computer (it takes him a long time just to figure out how to get to yahoo), and laying on the sofa watching tv under an electric blanket. He does shuffle out to get the mail every day. But I have to make sure it gets from his hands to mine as he tends to not give me important things....you know like the new credit card, and the health insurance letters. Geez.
I'd love to be able to look for the silver lining here, but quite frankly, there isn't one. I can't put him in a home because I am not old enough to collect my SSI yet and the home would take all his income and then I'd have nothing to live on. So I have to keep him here at least 3 1/2 years longer until I turn 65.
I gotta tell you, this is not what I envisioned when I thought about retirement. I'm really overwhelmed by the enormity of having to do everything for me, the house and him. And some of the time, I have to fix things he screwed up without telling me. Just taking care of him is sometimes a full time job. Get him to his doctors, make sure he has enough of all his medicines, measure out his meds into his weekly medicine case (because he can't figure that out anymore), make sure he remembers to take his meds, and none of the meds expire at the same time so it's not easy to keep track of them.
Thank goodness I quilt or I would go absolutely crazy. And I worry about me. Really I do. He will always have me to take care of him. But if I get sick, or need something, there is no one for me. Zippo. I'm out of luck. He says "we'll figure it out" but what he really means is I'll have to figure it out. As a result, I don't get my checkups because if they find something, well, that's just too bad. If my breast cancer comes back there is no one to take me to the hospital, no one to take care of him while I'm gone, no one to take care of me when I get back. So why bother.
OK, I have vented now. The tears are flowing so I'll sign off. Dementia is horrible. Enough said.